wise bites

Sitting in CYS office / listening to "The Potter's Hand" by Hillsong Australia / Vincent typing away next to me / chatter and laughing of schools kids outside / quiet team office (everyone's out doing the grocery shopping / trying to gather thoughts...

Dear God,
Sometimes it's not easy to love. And sometimes it's not easy to figure out what you really want from my life. And I'm never really sure if what I'm doing is what you want me to be doing... but really all I'm hoping to do is put a smile on your face. The same smile that will welcome me into Eternity when I die and get to Heaven's gates... because I can't think of any better way to be spending the rest of my life...

***

Notes scribbled down after an afternoon with Jim Murphy:

* When a person has a vision (or rather, when a vision has a person!), that person stands out. Vision takes hold of you - it drives you and leads you to drive others.

* To share your vision, you need to believe in it completely for people to want to be part of it.

* It won't always go your way... but allow it to give you direction.

* If you don't stand for anything, you'll fall for everything the world throws at you.

* You owe it to yourself to have vision. A vision fixed and grounded in God allows you to become unstoppable.

* If you won't let God give you vision, other people in the world will try to give one to you. Everyone around you has an opinion of you, and are willing to tell you (especially the one's who have a bad opinion)... but what's God's opinion about you? That's what matters...

* Seek God... and do whatever he tells you.

* When God gives you something to do, it's probably not going to be easy. Just because you're doing His will, it doesn't mean the path gets easier.
Did Jesus do the will of God? YES.
Did he have an easy life? No.
Did he give up? NO!

Neither should you.

* With commitment comes freedom.
The reason why you can sit in a room with a light bulb on is because Thomas Edison tried and failed 10,000 (yup, TEN THOUSAND!) times before he made the light bulb.
Test 10,001 - "Let there be light!"
Imagine if he'd given up after the 10th try?

* Live your life one step at a time. One day at a time. Don't waste your time looking too far ahead - the world has enough problems, so just get over this one.

* 80% of the things we worry about don't even happen.
Stop chasing phantoms.

* You've got to have a vision, but you can't live that whole vision at once.

* Live in the present. Stop regretting the past or worrying about the future - concentrate on the here and now, or you'll miss it.

* Listen twice as much as you talk. The key element of healing is when hearts are being listened to. Listen in proportion to your ears and mouth (i.e. 2:1)

* On your bad days, you'll find you concentrate more on yourself than others. You say, "It's about me - not them!" Well it's NOT. You shouldn't need to be right, you shouldn't need to be profound. Listen to people. Give them the dignity Jesus gave them on the cross.

* Accept life as it comes to you. And by accept, I mean ACCEPT. Stop expecting things from other people or from the world. Drop the word "should" from your vocabulary.

* You won't always get what you want. But God will always give you what you need.

* When push comes to shove, and you're walking in a desert, the only thing you need to survive is water.

GOD DOESN'T OWE YOU ANYTHING.
HE GAVE YOU EVERYTHING ON THE CROSS.

* If you walk through life expecting more than what people give, remember you probably won't get it. The world doesn't exist to pat you on the back. Check your heart.

* Never outrun the clock. Don't play to waste time. Play to get the goals, and don't waste your time. Each moment, second, minute and day is yours to live. Either REALLY live, or prepare to die. Either play full-out or don't play.

* Don't let down your guard. EVER. St Peter said: (uh... with a paraphrase) Your adversary prowls through the world seeking who to devour. You're an ignorant fool if you think you'll avoid hits.

* When Satan attacks, he uses small bullets, not massive missiles. He goes for it when you get careless, so don't let your guard down.

* People holier than you have been kicked down. Don't think it won't happen to you.

Jesus had to pray and fight to the very end.

* Don't take yourself seriously. But take God's work seriously!!

***

"Our bodies carry its own cross. May they see the presence of God in you. When you carry the cross in your day-to-day life, may they Jesus..."

and the chapter begins...

It's strange thinking back and realising I moved into this house almost 8 months ago... how it took me soo long to settle into the lifestyle - living away from home, living near the beach, being accountable to everyone on team, leaving friends back West behind...

And then there was 12 months ago - back when I was sitting in a field with 1.2 million other people, listening to the Holy Father speak, feeling the tears roll down my cheeks, sensing an amazing spirit ablaze in the hearts of each young person at Marienfeld... what a memory.

So now here I am... sitting at my desk (even though I was meant to leave it an hour ago - whoops!) and I don't know how to wrap my head around the fact that two years from now, WYD would've come and gone... and wow... I'm working for the Church. Oh my goodness...

In my head right about now:
- investing in property. what the??
- dude I miss ryan and the random drives we used to go on
- napean river - God bless Weir Reserve and chocolate gelato
- change out of work clothes... PLEASE
- new cars... test driving that Focus was funny. That annoying guy from Toyota trying to sell me that Corolla.. God love him
- poor Vincent...
- i miss SPY
- hugs are nice
- mmmm... Lindt chocolate sale over the weekend
- dear jonna: when God says you're ready, you'll be ready ;)
- dear caitlyn: i wish i could put u in my pocket and bite those rosy cheeks and steal those gorgeous long eyelashes you have
- dashboard concert... yeeehhaaa!
- graduation in 30 days baby!! wassup!!
- money gives me a headache
- jane's gonna have a beautiful baby giiirrrll!! yipppeee!!!
- YFC HSB household.. what the heck happened?? where did u all disappear to?!
- i think it's almost dinner time...

pictures speak...

The boys are watching the Broncos and Bulldogs game tonight. Happy 2nd-day Birthday Bokyo! The team love you!

Man... what a week. It's Friday night and I'm sure I'm not the only tired soul out there. Just did my tax return (can't wait for that money to turn up in my bank account... oh wow I'm excited). But the brain-straining mission of doing my tax-return isn't the main cause of my exhaustion. It's been a loooong week with lots of funny, exhausting events. Life-changing events (and that's no exaggeration!) Far out... It's been an interesting 8 days. :p

The first was the first round of job interviews - talk about nerve-racking. I sat in Hungry Jacks eating lunch by myself, scaring myself with the worst-case interview scenarios (like saying the stupidest answers, farting in the middle of an awkward silence and other such stupid things).

Eventually I decided to pray and came across this lovely little piece of paper from Bec - a loving reminder of simple principles in life that ended up being a source of comfort. It said:

POINT 1: YOU ARE IN THE CENTRE OF GOD'S PLAN FOR YOU

POINT 2: ... REMEMBER THERE IS A GOD (EVEN IF IT'S NOT YOU OR ME, HE IS STILL THERE)

POINT 3: SOME PEOPLE RATE WINTER AS A FAVE SEASON SO THERE MUST BE SOME GOOD IN IT

POINT 4: YOU ARE UNIQUE I.E. YOU'RE DIFFERENT I.E. YOU FEEL DIFFERENT STUFF AT DIFFERENT TIMES IN DIFFERENT WAYS ETC BUT ALSO REMEMBER

POINT 5: EACH PART OF A BODY IS NEEDED

Isn't she great? Gotta love her man...

That Friday I led my last team retreat with some yr 8 girls. It was such a fun, girly retreat on FRIENDSHIP. Hehehe... got them singing "Lean On Me" while Vanessa played guitar and I played Tristan's Cuban Box Drum... Yay!

I have a vague memory of Saturday - getting dressed up in a pretty skirt and soaking up the sunshine at Malabar. I was meant to watch The Lakehouse with Tristan that night but ended staying in because we had the City To Surf the next day...

Ah.. .yes... the funnest day out to Bondi (God must like races... because he ALWAYS blesses that day with good weather!)

So it started off with an early wake-up at about 6-something AM. Yeeshk. Eventually I wondered down the hall and made sure Suarez and Eddoes were awake. We had breakfast with the team in the dining room with sunshine streaming through. Made our way to Hyde Park where crowds were already forming... scored free RED City to Surf hats and went searching for our bibs...

See how happy we look at the beginning of the race? Hahaha... we started off on a slow crawl towards Park Rd, and by the time we were 500m into it, Edwin came up with the bright idea of running. So he and I split from the rest of the team and started jogging. By the time we reached the 14km mark we looked like we'd had a stroke somewhere between that second Gatorade stop and the end of Heartbreak Hill. It didn't help that he decided to throw the rest of his (free) cup of water at me while we were running.

I'll admit it was a thoroughly entertaining run (or jog/walk/stroll depending on how fit you're feeling.) Eddoes and I gave up running at about the 5km mark... (I think he pulled something) so we had plenty of time to appreciate our surroundings: people having BBQs, ambulances with blistered feet lining up for band-aids, bands on rooftops...

Eventually we finished the race... in about 158 minutes... hahaha... yeah yeah I'll actually run it next year. We collapsed at Bondi once we finished the race. (Note to self: ALWAYS STRETCH. Edwin learned that lesson the hard way.)

So... there we were... late Sunday afternoon. Eventually pigged out at the Junction with the rest of the team... I'd re-live that experience any day... even though I woke up for the next 2 days with jelly in my legs.

Then there was Monday - awesome chic day in the city with Ivy. What a mad beach day! No wonder that girl is in my Top-10 fave list. Hahaha.. no joke. A slow and conversation-filled train ride to Central, a bus to my place, a tour around the team house, a walk down to the beach, Oportos for lunch, a bus to Hyde Park, a prayer at St Mary's Cathedral... and a grande finale of a Jelly-Belly purchase from the Sugar Fix shop in Pitt St Mall. Who wouldn't be cheering after a day off spent with such a fun, inspiring, faithful and totally gorgeous friend??


Then Tuesday came... Hahaha... what a funny turn of weather. Who would've thought ay? The pictures speak for themselves (can you believe this was in Sydney?!)

(This is Joe as we drove through Leichardt. Blue skies gone...)

(The road near Broadway...)

I came across some homeless guy freezing is butt off in the snow (actually his name is Bokyo...)

(...Eventually he started building an ice-man with Beth)

That night I ended up jigging class and driving down to Max Brenner for a perfect finale for Tuesday's cold, wet weather.

--------------------->
YUM... by far the yummiest hug EVER!

Talk about indulgence. I think I'm about two micro steps away from committing the mortal sin of gluttony... But then again, there is cause to celebrate (or so I tell myself, because I did order a iced-mocha at Clodeli cafe today, with extra ice cream...)

For those who don't know yet - I got a new job!! AHHGGHHHH!!! How crazy ay? This poor 2-year-old BLOGSPOT may be the new space for major stress-venting, because the role is somewhat demanding. So that dreaded interview last week turned out pretty well.. and God seems to have uh... mammoth plans up his sleeve. Hmmm .... I'd like to think I'm not nervous, but I'm actually terrified. Because of the terror, and the nervousness of starting on Monday, I've decided to prescribe myself with a weekend off. No thinking... just... FUN.

I'm not sure how successful that will be (I'm not looking forward to explaining the technicalities of this Church-related job to my loving and concerned Mother, who is back from Canberra - God love her!), but I do know I get to hang out with mates back West... so if you read this... uh... please pray for me. Monday morning starts a new chapter in a strangely roller-coaster-like 21 year old life.

More reports later.

two things i hate

Grr... one of those things that involve 2 things I detest being held within the span of 24 hours.

The first is the census. Actually, it wasn't such a big thing filling it out (finding the appropriate numbers was a pain in the ass, but otherwise, filling it out was pretty funny with Bec by my side).

The second would be job interviews - and that's gonna be on in about... hmm... 14 hours? Eww. I think I want to sleep in (but obviously can't because we have a mail-out to do tomorrow).

Thought I'd vent those things before I go to bed, because I'm extremely nervous, but not quite sure why because I'm not really fussed about the census or the job interview (I'm happy with or without it to be honest) - not because I don't care, but because I know God will do His thing, and that's always the BEST thing... which is why I love Him to bits. The only thing is... I'm scared, nervous and my brain feels like jelly at the moment (hmm... probably looks a bit like it too).

Bleh.

go to bed joy

It's never to late to have a HAPPY CHILDHOOD

So... I spent tonight at Lyndon's place playing with his 2 year old son, Joshua, who's just plain adorable. He's in love with me, my drum kit, and my stuffed cow, Mylow. He's a psycho, funny, and joyful little bundle of giggles, who loves to crash tackle people's legs, jump off the couch, let me read him nursery rhymes, and yell, "WANT SOME HOT POTATO??" in the weirdest accent ever. And just seeing him reminds me how enormous my parent's king-sized bed used to seem when I was still in primary school, and how fascinating life is when you're discovering it for the first time.

SHARING SOME LESSONS FROM TODAY:

1. Somewhere out there, the sky is blue... no matter how far away it may seem.

2. I should never underestimate the power of going for a walk. I always overestimate how long it will take to walk somewhere, but today I took a peaceful stroll to Clovelly beach, and followed the coastline up north and almost hit Bronte before heading back to the Church. The view was amazing, the air was crisp... and man I love living in this city.

3. The ultimate way to start your day is to hear the voice of loved ones, and hear that voice say a prayer offering every moment of it to God. *tingles*

4. If you ever wonder if God is powerful enough to calm a storm, watch the waves. The power in the ocean is moved by the hand of our Creator.

5. Expecting generosity cancels the very act of generosity. I'm not sure I agree with that thought 100%, but one sure way of deflating a generous giver is expecting a generous gift... because the very joy of being generous is being able to exceed one's expectations.. and I hate it when people demand love from me. That's just unfair. Love isn't supposed to be demanded.

***

So here's a note FOR THE PEOPLE WHO THINK... LIFE FOR JOY IS ALWAYS PEACHY:

It's not.

Just thought I'd throw that thought out there, in case you really did believe that I'm always ok, that I don't have days when I want to run terror around the house, shout verbal abuse, or hear smashing glass on concrete. I don't do those things, of course... but yes... there are moments when what people do or say (or even think!) hit the wrong nerve, and I want to fall apart, or break them apart (it really just depends).

I guess what I'm learning on team (the hard way, mind you) is that even when you don't FEEL like loving someone, you should still DO the loving thing. That, in fact, is what makes love so powerful ... because it's not based on feeling, but on the fact that you want to what's in the best interest for the other party.

I'm learning this the hard way, because I don't always do the loving thing. Wish I did, but the reality is, I'm human... and I'm stupid. Lucky God knows that, and keeps on forgiving me, because otherwise, I'd be somewhat screwed.

So today, I stepped down. No longer team leader, no longer in charge. *sigh of massive relief* Thank God... because I don't know how long I would've survived. Leadership is bloody hard work. So when you read this... please say a prayer for our team. Major changes are happening here there and everywhere... and we're being attacked on the frontline in our weakest moments.

But the best coincidence happened today.. :) Yesterday my sis and I were watching the DVD from last year's REVELATION concert... and I thought of Penititz and how he is. And waddaya know - he's online on MSN right now! And it feels good... to hear from someone who's given up everything to go serve God on the other side of the country. I miss the guy. So here's a snippet of our conversation:

HORSE says:
it wierd coz i dont wat my purpose is

HORSE says:
all i know is God is using me for a greater purpose

j0¥ says:
just remember that evANGELisation is about the GOOD MESSAGE. angels are messengers - we are simply messengers, and our message is Christ's salvation. We want people to believe in him and find personal relationship with him. Whether that's through a youth movement or directly through the Church is irrelevent in many ways... as long as they understand THE IMPORTANT THING IS CHRIST... not them...not us

HORSE says:
Amen

And with that dear friends... goodnight.