"For the sake of the joy that lay ahead of him, he endured the cross..." (Hebrews 12:2)
Can't say I'm much into delayed gratification - it's very anti-Generation Y. But this... well... this passage puts things within an entirely new perspective.
So... I'm back at work... and because I can't send 2,000 emails until AFTER office hours, I'm spending an extra half hour... perhaps 45 minutes... at work this Friday evening, "watching my computer screen" as Alexia termed it before leaving.
Thought I'd have a go at multi-tasking and BLOG... because you know, blogging is fun.
It's strange being back from the land of gelati and siestas. I was very excited after receiving my photo of Pope Benedict XVI shaking my hand... it's oh so very exciting seeing photos of him in newspapers and posters and realising that YES, I SPOKE TO HIM, AND YES, HE SMILED AT ME, AND YES HE RESPONDED TO MY LAME INTRODUCTION... hahaha...
I've Facebooked half of trip... realised I didn't take as many photos as I thought I could've, but took a hellavalot of videos (maybe I'll edit and YouTube them) to document the funnier moments (like the time got mauled by Italians in the plane of Montorso because everyone wanted a koala... I honestly can't believe how much Italian's luuurv koalas.)
I am thinking of what I need to achieve next week, and realise I am no where near achieving it, but it's best not to think in such a defeated way. Like... all those videos I'm meant to produce. I'm not convinced that it's in my capabilities... but hey... with God all things are possible right?
Friday, September 14, 2007
Friday, September 07, 2007
im stuck in frankfurt airport - and this keyboard is spinning me out. letters are all over the place. sucks being on the other side of the world and realising the plane that was meant to leave at 11.55pm last nyt is now only leaving now... which is about 4pm frankfurt time. i miss everyone and the last 24 hours have been the most testing hours of what has been an amazing but very tiring journey. i love u australia... and cant wait to share with u the greatness i found in italy, but perhaps more importantly, i cant wait to sleep in my own bed!!!
Thursday, August 30, 2007
Italy makes my clothes shrink
Man... I seriously look like I'm in my second trimester of pregnancy. Italian meals are always, at a minimum, 3 courses. As a result, I have major feares about fitting into my maid of honour dress for 9th September.
Not that I'm complaining because I've never truly felt hungry during this entire time of travel ' we get so spoilt, and the food here is AWESOME. Haven't really come across anything that I don't like.
First course of pasta (had an awesome risotto in Siena yesterday), second course of meat and vegetables, then dessert. (Sometimes we get the antipesto first, then the pasta, then dessert - doesnt really matter, it's always great food).
Today I comfortably gobbled up plates of spaghetti, rosemary potatoes, salad, pork, plus a fruit salad, a nectarine, dates (that was all just dinner)... and to top it all off, Fr Christiano (our host in the diocese of Jesi) took us (Cimon,. Matt, Tim, Andrea, Fr T, Luc, Saad, and Mari) on a walk to city centre, where I discovered Italy's YUMMIEST gelati at about 1am.
Now I'm lying in bed, typing this on my phone, legs are tired, Cimon is probably fast asleep...
Bonne Note Italia!
Not that I'm complaining because I've never truly felt hungry during this entire time of travel ' we get so spoilt, and the food here is AWESOME. Haven't really come across anything that I don't like.
First course of pasta (had an awesome risotto in Siena yesterday), second course of meat and vegetables, then dessert. (Sometimes we get the antipesto first, then the pasta, then dessert - doesnt really matter, it's always great food).
Today I comfortably gobbled up plates of spaghetti, rosemary potatoes, salad, pork, plus a fruit salad, a nectarine, dates (that was all just dinner)... and to top it all off, Fr Christiano (our host in the diocese of Jesi) took us (Cimon,. Matt, Tim, Andrea, Fr T, Luc, Saad, and Mari) on a walk to city centre, where I discovered Italy's YUMMIEST gelati at about 1am.
Now I'm lying in bed, typing this on my phone, legs are tired, Cimon is probably fast asleep...
Bonne Note Italia!
Sunday, August 26, 2007
On the Vatican and it's treasures
In the Salesianum (an enormous conference centre just outside Rome). Today the weather cleared, and I woke up at 6am... freshened up, and broke into a sweat well before 8am.
But this morning was spectacular (as all mornings in Italy seem to be). As I got ready for a morning trip to the Vatican I could hear the sisters chanting morning prayers from the chapel in their general house. It was so angelic to hear them sing, and when I joined them for Mass that morning, it was as though I could feel God smiling down on each of his devoted daughters, pleased at their love for him, and the fervence in their prayers.
Because this keyboard is really hard to type on, here are the main points of this day's adventures:
- Special trip into the Vatican via the rear entrance and up to the roof of St Peter's.
- The basilica is almost empty at 8am... whch is a wonderfully refreshing change of atmosphere considering the claustrophobic crowds that converge into the sacred place by 9:30am. To wander around and stare at the walls without bumping into anyone made me feel like the luckiest, and most peaceful person in the world.
- The tomb of JPII is amazing because it is humble, simple, and it is surrounded by such peaceful but uplifting aura that it's as if his spirit lies in the walls surounding his tomb. To kneel in front his resting place and ask for his intercession for all the church's servants, WYD08, and the people I love was incredible.
- Peered into the tomb where St Peter's relics are kept. The man who was given the keys to heaven... All I can say is WOW. And grazie mille x infinity to Sr B & Sr Ewa who are the reason why I was able to go down there.
- Reconciliation in St Peter's Basilica. WOW again. Absolution in the building that opens its doors to thousands of pilgrims everyday? Cleansing for my soul in the home of the Church I love and serve so much?? AMAZING.
- I knelt by the Blessed Sacrament, and one of the first things that came to mind was the intricacy and the grandeur of the tabernacle, the ornate decorations all over the walls, and the paintings that evoked such a deep reverence: all of which paled to the beauty of the humble, simple piece of bread which stood only 2 metres away from my body. God's presence on Earth... the greatest treasure in all of the richness within the Vatican is not in anything material, but on the divine being able to touch the world we live in through a simple piece of bread. Jesus... I miss you.
- Sr B, if you read this... I am praying for you. I love you so much & want you to experience abundant happiness... but I know God our Father wants this even more than you & I put together: and his plans, when revealed, are always proof of this!
Anyone else reading this, please say a prayer for me and all the Australian delegates who venture to the Angora conference in Loreto, Italia, tomorrow.
Much love, Joy
But this morning was spectacular (as all mornings in Italy seem to be). As I got ready for a morning trip to the Vatican I could hear the sisters chanting morning prayers from the chapel in their general house. It was so angelic to hear them sing, and when I joined them for Mass that morning, it was as though I could feel God smiling down on each of his devoted daughters, pleased at their love for him, and the fervence in their prayers.
Because this keyboard is really hard to type on, here are the main points of this day's adventures:
- Special trip into the Vatican via the rear entrance and up to the roof of St Peter's.
- The basilica is almost empty at 8am... whch is a wonderfully refreshing change of atmosphere considering the claustrophobic crowds that converge into the sacred place by 9:30am. To wander around and stare at the walls without bumping into anyone made me feel like the luckiest, and most peaceful person in the world.
- The tomb of JPII is amazing because it is humble, simple, and it is surrounded by such peaceful but uplifting aura that it's as if his spirit lies in the walls surounding his tomb. To kneel in front his resting place and ask for his intercession for all the church's servants, WYD08, and the people I love was incredible.
- Peered into the tomb where St Peter's relics are kept. The man who was given the keys to heaven... All I can say is WOW. And grazie mille x infinity to Sr B & Sr Ewa who are the reason why I was able to go down there.
- Reconciliation in St Peter's Basilica. WOW again. Absolution in the building that opens its doors to thousands of pilgrims everyday? Cleansing for my soul in the home of the Church I love and serve so much?? AMAZING.
- I knelt by the Blessed Sacrament, and one of the first things that came to mind was the intricacy and the grandeur of the tabernacle, the ornate decorations all over the walls, and the paintings that evoked such a deep reverence: all of which paled to the beauty of the humble, simple piece of bread which stood only 2 metres away from my body. God's presence on Earth... the greatest treasure in all of the richness within the Vatican is not in anything material, but on the divine being able to touch the world we live in through a simple piece of bread. Jesus... I miss you.
- Sr B, if you read this... I am praying for you. I love you so much & want you to experience abundant happiness... but I know God our Father wants this even more than you & I put together: and his plans, when revealed, are always proof of this!
Anyone else reading this, please say a prayer for me and all the Australian delegates who venture to the Angora conference in Loreto, Italia, tomorrow.
Much love, Joy
Saturday, August 25, 2007
purchases
- Gold pair of hand-made sandals in Sorrento
- Lots of postcards and Vatican stamps (you should all receive them within a week?)
- New hand-bag (SCORE!)
- Too much gelati
- Pompeii memorabilia
- Vatican treasures for the special ppl
Simple presents... that I hope I can give out to ppl, but figuring out to whom, I have no idea.
The list will grow soon.
- Lots of postcards and Vatican stamps (you should all receive them within a week?)
- New hand-bag (SCORE!)
- Too much gelati
- Pompeii memorabilia
- Vatican treasures for the special ppl
Simple presents... that I hope I can give out to ppl, but figuring out to whom, I have no idea.
The list will grow soon.
Friday, August 24, 2007
On early wake-ups and the South West cities of Italia
really need to pee atm
Again, apologies for Italian keyboard.
Sitting in receptionist's desk in my grey shorts & Thirsty Merc tshirt (yes Jonna)... slightly underdressed since the lobby in this hotel is soooo flash - chandeliers and marble floors, a terrace that overlooks the Mediterranean, giant vases of bright orange flowers and large, comfortable lounges.
My legs are exhausted and I'm already sporting a baby bulge because the last 48 hours have been absolute heaven and my tummy is quite (overly) satisfied.
So where to begin?
Wednesday morning woke up at 4am and already my stomach was demanding lunch (it was 12noon in Sydney). I tried to go back to sleep but ended up getting dressed and heading to the chapel (BEAUTIFUL chapel btw). Sr B and I caught the 75 bus to Via Farini 5... and we arrived about 45min early, but talked about life and other such things... you know how it is.
My insides were going goohey because everyone who turned up for the tour seemed to be with their family, siblings, friends or partners. When I took my solo seat on the bus to Pompeii I appeared to be the only person carrying more than just a backpack... but a beautiful tall, blonde woman sat next to me and I asked her where she was from. When she said she'd just celebrated her 40th birthday I thought she was lying, she really was gorgeous. Stacey, as she explained to me on our 3 hour drive south to Napoli, was a mother of two and lived just outside London.
Naples was a bit of a disappointment because of the weather. A dense blanket of mist had settled over the coastline, and it not only made it extremely humid, it prevented the view of what is meant to be one of Italy's most appreciated vantage points. Grrr...
BUT that didn't stop me from taking happy snaps and checking out the town, which kind of reminded me of Phils in that right next to a brand new pristine block of apartments lies a dilapidated building with half a wall falling off.
The drive through Napoli was interesting... it reminded me of how entertaining and hilarious I found European signage the first time I came here. Take this one for example - which was an enormous billboard that covered half of a 10storey building as you drove into Napoli:
Stacey was a great tour companion, since she was happy to take my stupid photos at every stage of the tour... I realised that if my Dad knew how to speak fluent Italian he'd be a brilliant tour guide, because the man who took us through the ruine reminded me so much of him because he was funny and told good stories.
By the time we finished in Pompeii, my white shoes weren't white anymore, and dust seemed to plaster my body in a similar way to the ash body casts of the people in the city... (ok exag, sorry)
I'll skip ahead now... the tour group left to go back to Rome, farewelled Stacey (but only after getting her Facebook details) and I jumped onto another bus, which was on its way to Sorento... and an Italian woman introduced herself to me... funny coz she kept speaking to me in Italian and God only knows what she was trying to say. I just smiled, nodded, explained multiple times that I was Australian, and only spoke English. By the time we checked into the hotel, she (her name was Anita) had made sure I was meeting her in the lobby at 8pm so we could have dinner together.
I got to my room (a tiny shoe box of a room that smelled a bit funny but is actually really comfortable and the bathroom really nice), I wanted to collapse in my bed... but I jumped into the shower to wash off Pompeii dust.
Forced myself to walk around the grounds with my camera because the lobby had impressed me so much. This hotel btw... is AMAZING. I wasn't expecting to book into a place that was DIRECTLY overlooking the Mediterranean, with the pool right by the ocean, an enormous restaurant dining area... with the most impressive, fattening and gluttenous menu.
On the way down to dinner I bumped into a woman who'd also checked in the same time as I had and she introduced herself (also Anita) and her two sons (Steve and Vance), and the five of us were instant buddies from that moment on.
Again, apologies for Italian keyboard.
Sitting in receptionist's desk in my grey shorts & Thirsty Merc tshirt (yes Jonna)... slightly underdressed since the lobby in this hotel is soooo flash - chandeliers and marble floors, a terrace that overlooks the Mediterranean, giant vases of bright orange flowers and large, comfortable lounges.
My legs are exhausted and I'm already sporting a baby bulge because the last 48 hours have been absolute heaven and my tummy is quite (overly) satisfied.
So where to begin?
Wednesday morning woke up at 4am and already my stomach was demanding lunch (it was 12noon in Sydney). I tried to go back to sleep but ended up getting dressed and heading to the chapel (BEAUTIFUL chapel btw). Sr B and I caught the 75 bus to Via Farini 5... and we arrived about 45min early, but talked about life and other such things... you know how it is.
My insides were going goohey because everyone who turned up for the tour seemed to be with their family, siblings, friends or partners. When I took my solo seat on the bus to Pompeii I appeared to be the only person carrying more than just a backpack... but a beautiful tall, blonde woman sat next to me and I asked her where she was from. When she said she'd just celebrated her 40th birthday I thought she was lying, she really was gorgeous. Stacey, as she explained to me on our 3 hour drive south to Napoli, was a mother of two and lived just outside London.
Naples was a bit of a disappointment because of the weather. A dense blanket of mist had settled over the coastline, and it not only made it extremely humid, it prevented the view of what is meant to be one of Italy's most appreciated vantage points. Grrr...
BUT that didn't stop me from taking happy snaps and checking out the town, which kind of reminded me of Phils in that right next to a brand new pristine block of apartments lies a dilapidated building with half a wall falling off.
The drive through Napoli was interesting... it reminded me of how entertaining and hilarious I found European signage the first time I came here. Take this one for example - which was an enormous billboard that covered half of a 10storey building as you drove into Napoli:
(don't ask me what it advertises because I really don't know)
Eventually we made our way to Pompeii, where Stacey introduced me to her friend Elizabeth (also from the UK, whom she'd met the day before on a walking tour through Rome), and the three of us befriended 3 Canadians, one of which was a (pretty good looking) guy who was doing a PHD in Roman history. He introduced me to his friend (studying English Literature) and his wife (who knows what she was doing, but damn it life can be so unfair... hahaha... JOKING!), and he shared to me about the dream of visiting Pompeii, how we would've loved to see Herculaneum because it was better preserved, and wow... Mt Vesuvius was right there... (sigh)
When we got to the excavations in Pompeii, my heart was pumping so fast I couldn't figure out what was making it difficult to breathe: the excitement of my life-long dream coming true, or the 34 degree heat and humidity.Stacey was a great tour companion, since she was happy to take my stupid photos at every stage of the tour... I realised that if my Dad knew how to speak fluent Italian he'd be a brilliant tour guide, because the man who took us through the ruine reminded me so much of him because he was funny and told good stories.
By the time we finished in Pompeii, my white shoes weren't white anymore, and dust seemed to plaster my body in a similar way to the ash body casts of the people in the city... (ok exag, sorry)
I'll skip ahead now... the tour group left to go back to Rome, farewelled Stacey (but only after getting her Facebook details) and I jumped onto another bus, which was on its way to Sorento... and an Italian woman introduced herself to me... funny coz she kept speaking to me in Italian and God only knows what she was trying to say. I just smiled, nodded, explained multiple times that I was Australian, and only spoke English. By the time we checked into the hotel, she (her name was Anita) had made sure I was meeting her in the lobby at 8pm so we could have dinner together.
I got to my room (a tiny shoe box of a room that smelled a bit funny but is actually really comfortable and the bathroom really nice), I wanted to collapse in my bed... but I jumped into the shower to wash off Pompeii dust.
Forced myself to walk around the grounds with my camera because the lobby had impressed me so much. This hotel btw... is AMAZING. I wasn't expecting to book into a place that was DIRECTLY overlooking the Mediterranean, with the pool right by the ocean, an enormous restaurant dining area... with the most impressive, fattening and gluttenous menu.
On the way down to dinner I bumped into a woman who'd also checked in the same time as I had and she introduced herself (also Anita) and her two sons (Steve and Vance), and the five of us were instant buddies from that moment on.
* * *
This morning we had (a buffet) breakfast together (fresh watermelon, rockmelon, grapes, plums, meats, cheese, croissants, nutella, cappucinos and grapefruit juice) and made our way to the Port of Sorento with a small tour group so we could catch a boat to Capri.At that moment... I fell in love.
The moment the hydrofoil took off and we were cutting through the water in fast speed, I knew I was madly in love with the Med. This is where I'm happiest, and where I know I'm in my element. The sea breeze catching my hair, the ocean spray in my face, the smell of salt, the sun beating down... This entire day has been PARADISE.
We boarded a smaller boat and made our way to the Blue Grotto, and the entire time I leant back and soaked in the sun (yes I've been wearing strapless tops day in and day out), and I am... so ridiculously in love with this entire region... I really don't want to meet the Australian delegates on Saturday. I'd much rather swim in this salt water pool or peer out into the horizon, where the sea meets the mist and mist meets the clouds and the blue, blue sky.
Capri was awesome. It's a little island off the coast of Sorento and the view is divine. Spent the day walking in the little village streets, walking in and out of shops (not buying anything coz I'm poor hahaha), meeting new people (including Japanese couple from New Jersey with two gorgeous lil kids), and I spent an hour swimming in the sea next to a whole heap of gleaming white yachts.
I don't want to leave...
* * *
Wish I'd brought:
- my boyfriend
- more skirts because it's so damn hot!
- a bigger hand bag that fits my journal
- a personal washing machine
Was thinking:
- Bags having honeymoon in the Mediterranean... hahahaa...
- Sorry if I don't bring home any presents, I'm being incredibly selfish during this holiday... and it's just too damn hard to look for nice things that I can afford.
- Wish I had an SLR camera to capture the views... it's been spectacular in this region!!!
- I think some Italian mosquitoes are feasting on my bare legs... better return to my room soon
- Steve and Vance are cute: wish I had brothers like 'em.
- As I dove into the ocean I wished Ryan was there coz he enjoys the beach and would make me swim out to sea even when I'm scared.
Funny moments:
- Met a French couple... the guy is everything a archetypical French man would be: tall, muscular, hairy, loved taking his shirt off... and loved making out with his woman (especially in the hotel pool... hahahaha...whenever their lips weren't touching, I'm sure whatever was under the water was making up for it)
- Yesterday I had 3 glasses of wine which left me walking around the terrace haphazardly
- Italy has no sand on their beaches. Instead there is just rocks... hard to navigate through the rocks... ouch ouch ouch...
- Pompeii was a kinky place. Found an engraving of a penis on the pavement... and the penis pointed to the direction of the brothel. When in Italy... hahaha...
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
On flights, and things i forgot
Buona sera amici!
(Don't know if that's right, and pardon for the lack of punctuation in this email, but this italian keyboard is seriously spinning me out!)
So... I'm in the computer room in the General House of the PDDM Sisters (praise God for sister Bernadette who got a blister running to the airport to meet me this morning so i didn't have to catch the train & bus to her place alone). So far, my main concerns (i.e. not being able survive my flight, losing my luggage on the transit from Frankfurt - Rome, not knowing how to get from Fiumicini airport to the place I'm staying) have all been ironed out, thanks to God's handywork.
The flight wasnt too bad - found myself at window seat (thanks for the tip Eddoes) next to a German couple flying back to Berlin. They'd spent a month in Australia so they were really nice to me and didn't mind me climbing over them for my random toilet visits during the 22 hours to Frankfurt.
We all got ridiculously frustrated when, on the first leg of the flight, the whole Qantas entertainment system went down (i.e. no movies no music), so thank God i had music uploaded on my phone (yes it was on flight mode).
Experienced a bit of turbulance here and there (made sure I skulled down any drinks that were on my pull-down tray every time the seatbelt sign started flashing), but all in all a safe trip, lots of eating, lots of (uncomfortable) sleeping... and when the entertainment system was back up i was thoroughly impressed when they had JT's "Future Sex Love Sounds", Panic at the Disco and Eskimo Joe albums uploaded. Also managed to watch half of "Sunshine" and a few episodes of "Chaser's WAR on Everything", "Family Guy", and "House".
Frankfurt airport was funny (the whole hour i spent there) - funny coz I found a magazine called "JOY" in one of the newsagents, and on the next shelf a magazine called "SCHMUCK" ... and then a whole shelf full of oversized sausages next to bags with the labels "WORLD OF NUTS". Gotta love those Germans.
The moment I walked off my Lufthansa Air flight I knew it was Summer. Walking out of the airport and straight to the station, I was greeted with hot, humid Italian air, the scent that reminds me so nostaligically of the first trip here 2 years ago, Christmas, and cute European guys who leave a nice scent of aftershave in their wake as they brush past you in the crowds.
It's been amazing... Summer is thriving (quiet though, because everyone in Rome is on holidays to escape this ridiculous heat), but I love that the air is still hot when I went for a walk with Sr Bernadette this evening...
(Jonna im sorry but i might return on your wedding day covered in mosquito bites - i forgot about insect repellant.)
I love:
- that its Summer!
- the PDDM sisters I'm staying with are so beautiful in their crisp white accents. Sr B introduces me as Gioia (pronounced Joy-ah), because that's Italian for Joy. They speak to me in rich, thick Italian and astound me with the speed of their conversations. Hearing Sr B speak fluent Italian is also a spin-out. Really cool too though!
- the bus trip to their house took me past the Colloseum, the Roman Fora, about ten different ancient monuments, and it was a flashback to our 2day race around Rome in 2005, which makes my insides tingle. I miss Eddoes, Nez and EJ who were always so funny everytime we found a new monument to climb or take snaps with.
- the fruit is tasty and fresh. Already I've feasted on plums, red pears and juicy watermelon... and it's only day 1! Ah yes... the Summer fruits...
- just around every corner in this city there is something awesome to look at. Tonight after my 3 hour nap and a delicious dinner, Sr B and I walked up to a fountain, that also had a panoramic view of Rome at dusk. Talk about breathtaking!
Wish I'd brought:
- An English-Italian dictionary (or a personal interpreter... too bad I can't take Sr B around with me everywhere I go... I just look at her blankly when anyone starts talking - she's an angel and saint-in-the-making I tell you!)
- More shorts
- A different pair of sandals (these black ones aren't gonna survive the next 3 days, i can tell)
Next on the agenda:
Tomorrow morning i leave at 6am for a 3day tour to Naples, Pompeii, Capri and Sorento. Pray that this tour company ain't just an Internet scam, that I survive the next 3 days flying solo on the West Coast, and that I don't lose all my money... because there's really none left.
Buono notte Australia!
(Don't know if that's right, and pardon for the lack of punctuation in this email, but this italian keyboard is seriously spinning me out!)
So... I'm in the computer room in the General House of the PDDM Sisters (praise God for sister Bernadette who got a blister running to the airport to meet me this morning so i didn't have to catch the train & bus to her place alone). So far, my main concerns (i.e. not being able survive my flight, losing my luggage on the transit from Frankfurt - Rome, not knowing how to get from Fiumicini airport to the place I'm staying) have all been ironed out, thanks to God's handywork.
The flight wasnt too bad - found myself at window seat (thanks for the tip Eddoes) next to a German couple flying back to Berlin. They'd spent a month in Australia so they were really nice to me and didn't mind me climbing over them for my random toilet visits during the 22 hours to Frankfurt.
We all got ridiculously frustrated when, on the first leg of the flight, the whole Qantas entertainment system went down (i.e. no movies no music), so thank God i had music uploaded on my phone (yes it was on flight mode).
Experienced a bit of turbulance here and there (made sure I skulled down any drinks that were on my pull-down tray every time the seatbelt sign started flashing), but all in all a safe trip, lots of eating, lots of (uncomfortable) sleeping... and when the entertainment system was back up i was thoroughly impressed when they had JT's "Future Sex Love Sounds", Panic at the Disco and Eskimo Joe albums uploaded. Also managed to watch half of "Sunshine" and a few episodes of "Chaser's WAR on Everything", "Family Guy", and "House".
Frankfurt airport was funny (the whole hour i spent there) - funny coz I found a magazine called "JOY" in one of the newsagents, and on the next shelf a magazine called "SCHMUCK" ... and then a whole shelf full of oversized sausages next to bags with the labels "WORLD OF NUTS". Gotta love those Germans.
The moment I walked off my Lufthansa Air flight I knew it was Summer. Walking out of the airport and straight to the station, I was greeted with hot, humid Italian air, the scent that reminds me so nostaligically of the first trip here 2 years ago, Christmas, and cute European guys who leave a nice scent of aftershave in their wake as they brush past you in the crowds.
It's been amazing... Summer is thriving (quiet though, because everyone in Rome is on holidays to escape this ridiculous heat), but I love that the air is still hot when I went for a walk with Sr Bernadette this evening...
(Jonna im sorry but i might return on your wedding day covered in mosquito bites - i forgot about insect repellant.)
I love:
- that its Summer!
- the PDDM sisters I'm staying with are so beautiful in their crisp white accents. Sr B introduces me as Gioia (pronounced Joy-ah), because that's Italian for Joy. They speak to me in rich, thick Italian and astound me with the speed of their conversations. Hearing Sr B speak fluent Italian is also a spin-out. Really cool too though!
- the bus trip to their house took me past the Colloseum, the Roman Fora, about ten different ancient monuments, and it was a flashback to our 2day race around Rome in 2005, which makes my insides tingle. I miss Eddoes, Nez and EJ who were always so funny everytime we found a new monument to climb or take snaps with.
- the fruit is tasty and fresh. Already I've feasted on plums, red pears and juicy watermelon... and it's only day 1! Ah yes... the Summer fruits...
- just around every corner in this city there is something awesome to look at. Tonight after my 3 hour nap and a delicious dinner, Sr B and I walked up to a fountain, that also had a panoramic view of Rome at dusk. Talk about breathtaking!
Wish I'd brought:
- An English-Italian dictionary (or a personal interpreter... too bad I can't take Sr B around with me everywhere I go... I just look at her blankly when anyone starts talking - she's an angel and saint-in-the-making I tell you!)
- More shorts
- A different pair of sandals (these black ones aren't gonna survive the next 3 days, i can tell)
Next on the agenda:
Tomorrow morning i leave at 6am for a 3day tour to Naples, Pompeii, Capri and Sorento. Pray that this tour company ain't just an Internet scam, that I survive the next 3 days flying solo on the West Coast, and that I don't lose all my money... because there's really none left.
Buono notte Australia!
Saturday, August 18, 2007
the time to buy tomatoes
Listening to: Clothes Off by Gym Class Heroes
Reading: MTV Italy - Go See Play
Wearing: Macquarie Uni hoodie, grey trackies
Body is: Weighing about 5kg less than usual. I don't know if my final bridesmaid's dress fitting this Sunday will do justice to what is usually slightly larger than a stick of a figure. I blame it on the stress.. and while some of you might resent the fact I can lose that weight in the a span of 4 days without a ridiculous lemon-detox diet or some other fad, I hate it. Unlike most girls, I actually get a complex about weighing too little as opposed to looking too fat. Guess I'll have to wait til I get to Napoli and stuff my face in the home-town of truly Italian pizza - I won't be stressed then.
Hmmm.. body is also freshly showered (unusual since it's around midnight), smelling like Dove moisturiser... toes are hurting from Sunday's City 2 Surf (bad choice to wear old runners which were half a size too small), nails are trimmed, and hair ready for a cut tomorrow...
Mind is: calmer, especially after delegating all my unfinished work and leaving the office at 6:50pm. It was pretty creepy being the last person in the Terrace Suites (unusual feeling, since the Operations Team is usually pulling overtime). At least now all I have to worry about is making sure tomorrow's hen's night makes Jonna feel incredibly special, that everyone has a great time, finding something to wear to dinner tomorrow night, that I don't forget to pack anything when I finally get around to it on Sunday, that everything fits into my borrowed suitcase, that I don't get a bad tan-line on my European adventure (bridesmaids dress is strapless), that the instructions I left for Vincent are clear, that my boyfriend doesn't fall asleep at the wheel on the way to tomorrow's 5am fishing trip, that my parents don't get the shits with me for not spending any time with them before I fly off on Monday, and that I survive 4 days on my own on the other side of the world.
I think people forget my trip to Italy (which begins on Monday) is a business trip. The first 4 days of my stay are purely personal (hence why I made sure I booked in a visit to Pompeii and Capri)... but the remaining 14 are WYD related, hence, classified as work.
What worries me most (and I know this is ridiculous, since worry gets you NO WHERE), is that when I get back at 6am on Friday 7th September, not only will I be met with APEC level security at Sydney airport, I'll get back to my place, snooze for a few hours, go to Jonna's wedding rehearsal & dinner, spend the next day preparing for her wedding, celebrate with all the sparks, excitement, euphoria, joy and pride that comes with watching one of your closest mates get married... and hit the desk at work 9am on Monday 10th. Talk about being wrecked.
I asked Edwin what I should try to dream about tonight, and he phrased my deepest, sincerest wish so innocently and perfectly: "Dream about not having to do anything... no to-do lists, no places to go, nothing to worry about... just you, me, and no work." Haha... poor guy. He's feeling the pressure at work too. Nice to know he can empathise when I say, "After one problem gets sorted, another one just comes before I get to breathe!" I.T. support... nerdy but admirable.
It kinda gets depressing when the realist in me figures the only time this dream of having nothing to do next will happen is after we retire (sorry Joy, wait another 45 years minimum for that one to come true)...
Last night brought my count of emotional break-downs within one week to a record-breaking 4. My dad had sent me to mail a few letters and buy tomatoes at 10pm and I drove to Edwin's to pick up his suitcase and spent about an hour sobbing and muttering incoherent gibberish because my brain hurt, snot was coming out my nose, and my face was smushed with tears. I had to stop and laugh while he was praying over me, when he said "Lord, please help Joy's brain stop hurting. She needs it..." Oh God love the guy... he didn't even mean to be stupid OR funny.
The third emotional break-down was in the car after Wednesday's meeting, when I felt completely useless, incompetent, and angry. One of my pet hates is not being listened to. It's such a degrading insult when someone talks over you, interrupts you when you're sharing an idea or your struggles, or just decides that whatever words you may have spoken don't deserve any response (except maybe a huff, or a look of incredulity... is that a word?)
The second was a few minutes before the City2Surf started and I decided I was completely unequipped for the 14km run I'd so eagerly signed myself up for. As I stood in the middle of the crowd of 60,000 runners/joggers/walkers and waited for the race to begin, I had the overwhelming desire to be at home, in bed, and NOT pushing my body to endure 3 hours of exercise when I hadn't done a single 30min set of ANYTHING in 6 months.
The first was Friday evening, after a gloriously sunny Winter day of filming in Sydney CBD.... during which I was exhausted, raggy, cramping, and I'd lost a very important piece of a brand new, expensive HDV broadcast camera AND my Nokia headphones. When I got home, Caitlyn lovingly greeted me with a nappy full of smelly poo (which I happily changed because I love her, and her hugs totally make up for her smelly nappies), collapsed on my bedroom floor and cried.
Crying has been a regular habit for me (maybe that's how I've lost weight? Hahahahaha....) I have yet to find a cure for what seems to be an endless cycle of tasks and resentment for the people who add things onto the end of my task list. It gets really depressing when I start wondering if this is what life is really about.
My soul is broken and I can tell, because there was a time when I NEVER would have wondered if life is such a tiring tragedy. I'm hoping with all my heart that this 18 day stint in rich, Catholic Italia will somehow awaken my senses to something much more inspiring, exciting... and... well... joyful.
Precisely two years ago I was in Cologne, Germany. It was the most exhausting and trying week of our 3.5 weeks in Europe, but by far the most fruitful in terms of faith. And just as silver must endure the hottest flame, I too know that this darkness just means I'm in the process of refinement. (grrr)
Reading: MTV Italy - Go See Play
Wearing: Macquarie Uni hoodie, grey trackies
Body is: Weighing about 5kg less than usual. I don't know if my final bridesmaid's dress fitting this Sunday will do justice to what is usually slightly larger than a stick of a figure. I blame it on the stress.. and while some of you might resent the fact I can lose that weight in the a span of 4 days without a ridiculous lemon-detox diet or some other fad, I hate it. Unlike most girls, I actually get a complex about weighing too little as opposed to looking too fat. Guess I'll have to wait til I get to Napoli and stuff my face in the home-town of truly Italian pizza - I won't be stressed then.
Hmmm.. body is also freshly showered (unusual since it's around midnight), smelling like Dove moisturiser... toes are hurting from Sunday's City 2 Surf (bad choice to wear old runners which were half a size too small), nails are trimmed, and hair ready for a cut tomorrow...
Mind is: calmer, especially after delegating all my unfinished work and leaving the office at 6:50pm. It was pretty creepy being the last person in the Terrace Suites (unusual feeling, since the Operations Team is usually pulling overtime). At least now all I have to worry about is making sure tomorrow's hen's night makes Jonna feel incredibly special, that everyone has a great time, finding something to wear to dinner tomorrow night, that I don't forget to pack anything when I finally get around to it on Sunday, that everything fits into my borrowed suitcase, that I don't get a bad tan-line on my European adventure (bridesmaids dress is strapless), that the instructions I left for Vincent are clear, that my boyfriend doesn't fall asleep at the wheel on the way to tomorrow's 5am fishing trip, that my parents don't get the shits with me for not spending any time with them before I fly off on Monday, and that I survive 4 days on my own on the other side of the world.
I think people forget my trip to Italy (which begins on Monday) is a business trip. The first 4 days of my stay are purely personal (hence why I made sure I booked in a visit to Pompeii and Capri)... but the remaining 14 are WYD related, hence, classified as work.
What worries me most (and I know this is ridiculous, since worry gets you NO WHERE), is that when I get back at 6am on Friday 7th September, not only will I be met with APEC level security at Sydney airport, I'll get back to my place, snooze for a few hours, go to Jonna's wedding rehearsal & dinner, spend the next day preparing for her wedding, celebrate with all the sparks, excitement, euphoria, joy and pride that comes with watching one of your closest mates get married... and hit the desk at work 9am on Monday 10th. Talk about being wrecked.
I asked Edwin what I should try to dream about tonight, and he phrased my deepest, sincerest wish so innocently and perfectly: "Dream about not having to do anything... no to-do lists, no places to go, nothing to worry about... just you, me, and no work." Haha... poor guy. He's feeling the pressure at work too. Nice to know he can empathise when I say, "After one problem gets sorted, another one just comes before I get to breathe!" I.T. support... nerdy but admirable.
It kinda gets depressing when the realist in me figures the only time this dream of having nothing to do next will happen is after we retire (sorry Joy, wait another 45 years minimum for that one to come true)...
Last night brought my count of emotional break-downs within one week to a record-breaking 4. My dad had sent me to mail a few letters and buy tomatoes at 10pm and I drove to Edwin's to pick up his suitcase and spent about an hour sobbing and muttering incoherent gibberish because my brain hurt, snot was coming out my nose, and my face was smushed with tears. I had to stop and laugh while he was praying over me, when he said "Lord, please help Joy's brain stop hurting. She needs it..." Oh God love the guy... he didn't even mean to be stupid OR funny.
The third emotional break-down was in the car after Wednesday's meeting, when I felt completely useless, incompetent, and angry. One of my pet hates is not being listened to. It's such a degrading insult when someone talks over you, interrupts you when you're sharing an idea or your struggles, or just decides that whatever words you may have spoken don't deserve any response (except maybe a huff, or a look of incredulity... is that a word?)
The second was a few minutes before the City2Surf started and I decided I was completely unequipped for the 14km run I'd so eagerly signed myself up for. As I stood in the middle of the crowd of 60,000 runners/joggers/walkers and waited for the race to begin, I had the overwhelming desire to be at home, in bed, and NOT pushing my body to endure 3 hours of exercise when I hadn't done a single 30min set of ANYTHING in 6 months.
The first was Friday evening, after a gloriously sunny Winter day of filming in Sydney CBD.... during which I was exhausted, raggy, cramping, and I'd lost a very important piece of a brand new, expensive HDV broadcast camera AND my Nokia headphones. When I got home, Caitlyn lovingly greeted me with a nappy full of smelly poo (which I happily changed because I love her, and her hugs totally make up for her smelly nappies), collapsed on my bedroom floor and cried.
Crying has been a regular habit for me (maybe that's how I've lost weight? Hahahahaha....) I have yet to find a cure for what seems to be an endless cycle of tasks and resentment for the people who add things onto the end of my task list. It gets really depressing when I start wondering if this is what life is really about.
My soul is broken and I can tell, because there was a time when I NEVER would have wondered if life is such a tiring tragedy. I'm hoping with all my heart that this 18 day stint in rich, Catholic Italia will somehow awaken my senses to something much more inspiring, exciting... and... well... joyful.
Precisely two years ago I was in Cologne, Germany. It was the most exhausting and trying week of our 3.5 weeks in Europe, but by far the most fruitful in terms of faith. And just as silver must endure the hottest flame, I too know that this darkness just means I'm in the process of refinement. (grrr)
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
Monday, July 23, 2007
Sunday, July 22, 2007
breaking out of quarantine
Finally! I'm up to the final two capsules of Codral.
It's been a pretty feral seven days - in bed with three blankets, knee-high socks, and about five layers of clothing. On the first three days, the stupid virus had me in a beanie, fingerless gloves and a scarf.
Two boxes of Kleenex and a sandpaper-dry nose later, I think I might be ready to face the world again. Work tomorrow... 9am sharp. Yeehah!
I'll admit the good thing about being sick is having an excuse to do absolutely nothing... which is pretty much what I did during my five days of sick leave. A strange pandemic hit my household... everyone was walking around coughing their lungs out, and I probably juiced about 30 oranges (no exaggeration).
Right now (this is gonna sound really weird), I'm listening to Regurgitator. Yeah, remember those guys? Back in the 90s. I made a mix CD of old-school music last year and it's currently spinning tracks like "Wouldn't It Be Nice" (Beach Boys), "Peaches" (Presidents of the USA), "Boom boom boom boom" (Vengaboys), and "How Bizarre" (OMC).
"How Bizarre" is definitely one of those feel-good songs - no matter where or when I hear it, it'll make me laugh. That and singing "my heart goes shalalalala..." and Breakfast at Tiffany's while I dance around in my room in my undies. *blush* Ehp... I seriously need to get outta here.
I managed to get through a record number of DVDs this week... 50 First Dates, Hitch, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, Tranformers Generation 1 - 1.2, and (hanging head in shame here), a few episodes of season 1 of Beverly Hills 90210. Hahaha... that's what happens when I'm the youngest of 5 girls.
Edwin got me out of the house yesterday to watch Harry Potter and the Order of the Pheonix with Nereus, Jason and Carl (a strange reminder that I haven't seen Sarah in ages, and may be in need of estrogen-filled company).
I feel somewhat refreshed after this week... even though much of it felt like hell (try waking up at 4am for five days straight and throwing up a heap of phlegm for about 2 hours straight).
I hope I don't forget last night... two mugs of hot soup, a bag full of bagel crisps, and an understanding friend, joking around, and allowing me to see the brighter side of life. Prior to this polaroid moment, I'd been blowing snot into tissue after tissue, with tears streaming down my face - feeling extremely worthless and like my life was falling apart. It's nice having a person who lives up the road who knows how to stitch me up again after my fear makes me burst at the seams. Plus he made me soup.
So... we're gonna start reading the Bible again. We attempted this during Lent this year, but gave up because our phonecalls got really late and we got lazy... but hopefully we'll keep at it this time...
Having said that it's past 11pm and as I said... I've got work tomorrow.
A make-me-smile-list for the past 7days:
- Doctor gave me an extra two days off after I told him about my vomit experience.
- Got to see Caitlyn at church today after a whole week of absense. Her fatness makes her hugs the best hugs ever!
- Tenderheart CareBear tshirt
- Dr Annabelle says I can have chocolate any time - doesn't matter if I'm sick. :)
- Choc-chip cookies + Milo on the couch while watching Fantastic 4.
- Hugs
- Hot soup
- My Dad likes it when I make fresh orange & apple juice
- Harry Potter book 7 is finally out! Yay!
- 4 weeks until Italy baby!!
- Read the book I made Edwin for his birthday last year... which reminded me of many happy moments.. and all the ones we have yet to experience
- Hand-me-downs from sisters = new clothes that I don't have to pay for. Yeah!
- I can smile without it hurting now!
- Things to look forward to: Jonna's wedding, Italy, Love talk @ Discovery Camp on Saturday, life in general... tomorrow! Yay!
It's been a pretty feral seven days - in bed with three blankets, knee-high socks, and about five layers of clothing. On the first three days, the stupid virus had me in a beanie, fingerless gloves and a scarf.
Two boxes of Kleenex and a sandpaper-dry nose later, I think I might be ready to face the world again. Work tomorrow... 9am sharp. Yeehah!
I'll admit the good thing about being sick is having an excuse to do absolutely nothing... which is pretty much what I did during my five days of sick leave. A strange pandemic hit my household... everyone was walking around coughing their lungs out, and I probably juiced about 30 oranges (no exaggeration).
Right now (this is gonna sound really weird), I'm listening to Regurgitator. Yeah, remember those guys? Back in the 90s. I made a mix CD of old-school music last year and it's currently spinning tracks like "Wouldn't It Be Nice" (Beach Boys), "Peaches" (Presidents of the USA), "Boom boom boom boom" (Vengaboys), and "How Bizarre" (OMC).
"How Bizarre" is definitely one of those feel-good songs - no matter where or when I hear it, it'll make me laugh. That and singing "my heart goes shalalalala..." and Breakfast at Tiffany's while I dance around in my room in my undies. *blush* Ehp... I seriously need to get outta here.
I managed to get through a record number of DVDs this week... 50 First Dates, Hitch, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, Tranformers Generation 1 - 1.2, and (hanging head in shame here), a few episodes of season 1 of Beverly Hills 90210. Hahaha... that's what happens when I'm the youngest of 5 girls.
Edwin got me out of the house yesterday to watch Harry Potter and the Order of the Pheonix with Nereus, Jason and Carl (a strange reminder that I haven't seen Sarah in ages, and may be in need of estrogen-filled company).
I feel somewhat refreshed after this week... even though much of it felt like hell (try waking up at 4am for five days straight and throwing up a heap of phlegm for about 2 hours straight).
I hope I don't forget last night... two mugs of hot soup, a bag full of bagel crisps, and an understanding friend, joking around, and allowing me to see the brighter side of life. Prior to this polaroid moment, I'd been blowing snot into tissue after tissue, with tears streaming down my face - feeling extremely worthless and like my life was falling apart. It's nice having a person who lives up the road who knows how to stitch me up again after my fear makes me burst at the seams. Plus he made me soup.
So... we're gonna start reading the Bible again. We attempted this during Lent this year, but gave up because our phonecalls got really late and we got lazy... but hopefully we'll keep at it this time...
Having said that it's past 11pm and as I said... I've got work tomorrow.
A make-me-smile-list for the past 7days:
- Doctor gave me an extra two days off after I told him about my vomit experience.
- Got to see Caitlyn at church today after a whole week of absense. Her fatness makes her hugs the best hugs ever!
- Tenderheart CareBear tshirt
- Dr Annabelle says I can have chocolate any time - doesn't matter if I'm sick. :)
- Choc-chip cookies + Milo on the couch while watching Fantastic 4.
- Hugs
- Hot soup
- My Dad likes it when I make fresh orange & apple juice
- Harry Potter book 7 is finally out! Yay!
- 4 weeks until Italy baby!!
- Read the book I made Edwin for his birthday last year... which reminded me of many happy moments.. and all the ones we have yet to experience
- Hand-me-downs from sisters = new clothes that I don't have to pay for. Yeah!
- I can smile without it hurting now!
- Things to look forward to: Jonna's wedding, Italy, Love talk @ Discovery Camp on Saturday, life in general... tomorrow! Yay!
Friday, July 20, 2007
July 1 - 8 in pictures
July 1: Started off with an early morning for Eddoes and I... driving into the chill towards Clovelly where we had breakfast @ Vincent's place (he does a good bacon & eggs... mmm...)
We drove towards Domestic airport, and found our way to the Qantas Hangar, where the NZ delegates did a touching hand-over to the Australian youth representatives. There, a number of Bishops and civil dignitaries made some moving comments about the meaning of the WYD Cross & Icon, and the excitement of its journey throughout the country in the lead up to WYD. To view one of the few moments where the PM John Howard has inspired me, click here: http://www.saltandlighttv.org/prog_special_wyd_2008_special_video.htmlAs the above link tells you, eventually the Cross made its way from the airport, to North Sydney, then across the Harbour Bridge where it was met by thousands of people at Darling Harbour.
But the next few pics were some of the highlights of the week in Sydney Archdiocese:
July 2: Cabramatta. I got to the parish at 8am (late, since the event had started at 7am) and had to slow down when I saw this mother of a truck, which Van's family had made to transport the Cross & Icon around the Western deanery. Talk about dedicated!
Eventually the Cross made it's way to the different parishes, carried by different people. I didn't talk pictures on the day it was at Haberfield - but I'll always remember walking through the streets towards Leichhardt... it was awesome!
July 5: Earlwood parish was also really moving. Bishop Cremin has a cool sense of humour... and began Mass by greeting everyone in their native tongue. When it came time for the creed, I was pretty much in tears, because for the first time in a long time, I heard a church packed with people who were clearly, proudly and unashamedly professing their faith. It was a rare moment... and a moving one at that!
July 6: The Cross & Icon made its way through Sydney CBD. The sky was a brilliant blue, the girls singing at Botanical Gardens while people Venerated gave me goosebumps they were that good. All in all it was a pretty amazing day, with lots of friends:
(I've gotta give John & his sister Kiara some credit here: they faithfully followed the Cross & Icon around from about 8am that Friday as it made its way through Central Stn, Town Hall, the Polding Centre, Marting Place... they had their well-deserved Max Brennar chocolate at DJs not long after lunch. Good on ya guys!!)
July 7: WYD Cross & Icon makes its way to Bondi Beach. This was definitely a highlight for Edwin & I (both lovers of the beach) who, after a massive sugar dose at one of Bondi's nice lil' cafes, got to Venerate the Cross before Mass as the sun was setting. It was a beautiful sight to see...
July 8: The flag-bearers. After the entertaining 45minute drive in the back-seat of Nez's Nissan (with Dom & Suarez... hmmm), we eventually boarded the 1:30 ferry to Manly:
This was pretty amazing - the police escorted the ferry along the waters towards Manly, where we were greeted with over 600 delegates from Broken Bay.
Despite the weather, it was a pretty amazing day. All in all... just.. wow.
Monday, July 16, 2007
congested, unshowered, smelly, queezy, and wishing that Winter would be over already!
I keep logging onto my Blogger account and only get as far as the Dashboard... I never end up writing anything... because there really isn't much to write about these days. What, apart from work, there's not much happening in the life of joy (I could write about my relationship with Eddoes, but seeing as we're both somewhat keen to keep our personal lives personal, than I'll endeavour to keep as much of what goes on between us... between us).
I realised though, that it's been almost a month since my last entry, and that's pretty shocking for a girl like me, who has spent the majority of her 22 years of existence writing...
How did 4 weeks of my life slip by and I not register what was going on??
Hmmm... let's back track.
June 20 - after retrieving my handbag from the Bishop's PA (Bishop Anthony wasn't keen on actually walking around the building with a woman's black leather handbag in tow), I managed to get life in the office back on track.
As life usually goes after most WYDSAC meetings, more work appeared on my to-do list, but this month, it seemed less apparent to me what the point of all my work was.
So... came the next ten days of making sure every parish, community, group, movement, leader, and youth organisation that operates under the geographical parameters otherwise known as the Sydney Archdiocese was well aware that the WYD Cross & Icon were about to arrive in Sydney.
I shall digress for moment and report that on June 22:
I woke up at a God-forsaken early hour to drive a mate to the airport so he could fly to New Zealand for a SFC conference - a drive where I discovered to my dismay, that the friend I'd once thought would always be my friend.. could easily abandon our friendship for the safer shores of "closed-off and intraverted acquaintance." I pondered about our 9 year friendship after leaving him at the departure terminal, where he'd clearly rejected my offer to hang out for breakfast until his plane departed, wondering as I drove into the city why it hurt so much that I couldn't explain to him the status of my life, my heart, my mind.. when it had once been so easy years and years ago. Or perhaps the real issue was trying to figure out what hurt more: the fact that I can't articulate myself as clearly as I used to, or that he didn't want to try and understand my gibberish anymore because it's safer that way...
Eventually the day drifted into more phone calls, emails, more website updates, mail-outs... until I left the office to hang out with Jonna at VAIG photography studios. What I don't understand is why people would shell out over $1000 for hot photos of themselves. I'll admit that the photos we were presented looked pretty stunning (I envy Jonna for being photogenic - it's not a quality I possess); and if they cost $10 each, I'd purchase all of them in a snap... but $200 for ONE 6x4 inch print of myself in my own clothes, in simple make-up, and a bit of fancy-shmancy lighting? PAH-LEASE.
When the manager finally knocked it down to $89 a print, I bought two (one of me and one of Jonna) for a keepsake of the hilarious night we spent with our down-to-earth photographer, who made us do funny poses against dimly lit walls, on kitchen bench tops, or poised against a painted backdrop.
I drove back to the city after signing off another addition on my credit card bill, and joined Amardeep and an entire flock of first year med students at a Spanish restaurant on Liverpool St. Talk about feeling overwhelmed! For the first time in my life, I witnessed a complete make-over in less than two minutes. The once timid, don't-you-ever-make-me-speak-in-public high school friend of mine, eternally confined to follow dos and don'ts from obsessively over-protective parents had donned a gorgeous dress, done up her hair, was wearing make-up, and laughing the night away at a table full of extraverted friends (who bought her an awesome dinner and really yummy cake).
We made our way to Burdekin bar for a few hours of dancing, drinking.. and all that jazz. Took the DJ about an hour to realise that people react best to songs that they actually know... and when Marvin managed to score me a couple of free drinks, life wasn't so bad by 9pm.
Eventually, the exhaustion began to feel heavy on the eyelids, and I was pretty much over Heineken beer. That and I was feeling somewhat guilty for enjoying myself so much dancing with people I'd just met... while my faithful boyfriend was at home, wondering if I'd really have the guts to get pissed and catch a cab home.
Lucky I didn't... because I got back to my car and found it tragically damaged by a bastard who probably hit it while trying to park, and decided they didn't have the integrity to leave me a note. (Marvin just laughed when he realised how crest-fallen I looked... luckily... because I would've probably broken something in anger had he not been so light-hearted about it)
So... the next couple of days I spent trying to find out whether or not my beautiful silver Corolla had comprehensive car insurance (much to my comfort, it does)...
Today I finally dropped it off at the repairers; which means I have no car for a week. :(
In between today and the day my car was hit, the following things have happened:
- Edwin and I celebrated the 6-month mark by devouring pots of all-you-can-eat muscles at King St Wharf;
- Amardeep and I did the girly thing of sitting on her bed pouring out the type of thoughts and verbal nonsence about issues that only girls can cry/whince/ponder/get pissed over;
- I realised, on the final page of my yellow journal, just how difficult the past year and a half has been for me....
- I started a fresh new journal the day the WYD Cross & Icon arrived in Sydney...
- John Howard give the first speech to ever make my eyes water with tears of inspiration and joy (who would've thought it possible?! Made sure Edwin & I grabbed a photo with him to make sure we'd remember the rare moment forever)
- A crowd of over 8,000 people gathered at Darling Harbour to welcome the WYD Cross & Icon into Sydney
- Guy Sebastian & Paulini sung the WYD08 theme song in front of those 8,000 people
- I followed the Cross & Icon across the Archdiocese of Sydney for 8 days...
- Nereus drove Luke, Suarez, Dom & I to the Circular Quay, where we were joined by Edwin and many other faithful Cross groupies, who accompanied the Cross & Icon onto a ferry, then sailed it over to Manly, where 600 people were waiting at the wharf to welcome it into the Broken Bay Diocese (wow)
- I stuffed my face with pancakes, smothered with ice cream, chocolate sauce, bananas and walnuts after what felt like the most amazing week in Sydney...
- I tried to teach Caitlyn how to play drums, watched her tap-dance on my living room tiles, fell asleep next to her a few times, laughed at her sillyness and let her play with my facial features with her tiny little hands...
- I did the most nerve-racking (and most unprepared for) testimony in front of about 1000 people at my local parish last night... (yikes) about how WYD affected me and why I'm so excited... I still regret talking so fast, mumbling so many times, saying "Umm..." a gazillion times and not wrapping up effectively. Oh well... life goes on I guess.
- I slept and slept and slept and woke up with a congested nose, an aching head, and lots of tissues in my bin...
- I fell in love with my boyfriend again... who gives me hugs, plays guitar for me, and washes the dishes when I'm sick.
- I blogged half a novel about 4 weeks of my life... with no pictures. Ha. (They'll come later.)
I realised though, that it's been almost a month since my last entry, and that's pretty shocking for a girl like me, who has spent the majority of her 22 years of existence writing...
How did 4 weeks of my life slip by and I not register what was going on??
Hmmm... let's back track.
June 20 - after retrieving my handbag from the Bishop's PA (Bishop Anthony wasn't keen on actually walking around the building with a woman's black leather handbag in tow), I managed to get life in the office back on track.
As life usually goes after most WYDSAC meetings, more work appeared on my to-do list, but this month, it seemed less apparent to me what the point of all my work was.
So... came the next ten days of making sure every parish, community, group, movement, leader, and youth organisation that operates under the geographical parameters otherwise known as the Sydney Archdiocese was well aware that the WYD Cross & Icon were about to arrive in Sydney.
I shall digress for moment and report that on June 22:
I woke up at a God-forsaken early hour to drive a mate to the airport so he could fly to New Zealand for a SFC conference - a drive where I discovered to my dismay, that the friend I'd once thought would always be my friend.. could easily abandon our friendship for the safer shores of "closed-off and intraverted acquaintance." I pondered about our 9 year friendship after leaving him at the departure terminal, where he'd clearly rejected my offer to hang out for breakfast until his plane departed, wondering as I drove into the city why it hurt so much that I couldn't explain to him the status of my life, my heart, my mind.. when it had once been so easy years and years ago. Or perhaps the real issue was trying to figure out what hurt more: the fact that I can't articulate myself as clearly as I used to, or that he didn't want to try and understand my gibberish anymore because it's safer that way...
Eventually the day drifted into more phone calls, emails, more website updates, mail-outs... until I left the office to hang out with Jonna at VAIG photography studios. What I don't understand is why people would shell out over $1000 for hot photos of themselves. I'll admit that the photos we were presented looked pretty stunning (I envy Jonna for being photogenic - it's not a quality I possess); and if they cost $10 each, I'd purchase all of them in a snap... but $200 for ONE 6x4 inch print of myself in my own clothes, in simple make-up, and a bit of fancy-shmancy lighting? PAH-LEASE.
When the manager finally knocked it down to $89 a print, I bought two (one of me and one of Jonna) for a keepsake of the hilarious night we spent with our down-to-earth photographer, who made us do funny poses against dimly lit walls, on kitchen bench tops, or poised against a painted backdrop.
I drove back to the city after signing off another addition on my credit card bill, and joined Amardeep and an entire flock of first year med students at a Spanish restaurant on Liverpool St. Talk about feeling overwhelmed! For the first time in my life, I witnessed a complete make-over in less than two minutes. The once timid, don't-you-ever-make-me-speak-in-public high school friend of mine, eternally confined to follow dos and don'ts from obsessively over-protective parents had donned a gorgeous dress, done up her hair, was wearing make-up, and laughing the night away at a table full of extraverted friends (who bought her an awesome dinner and really yummy cake).
We made our way to Burdekin bar for a few hours of dancing, drinking.. and all that jazz. Took the DJ about an hour to realise that people react best to songs that they actually know... and when Marvin managed to score me a couple of free drinks, life wasn't so bad by 9pm.
Eventually, the exhaustion began to feel heavy on the eyelids, and I was pretty much over Heineken beer. That and I was feeling somewhat guilty for enjoying myself so much dancing with people I'd just met... while my faithful boyfriend was at home, wondering if I'd really have the guts to get pissed and catch a cab home.
Lucky I didn't... because I got back to my car and found it tragically damaged by a bastard who probably hit it while trying to park, and decided they didn't have the integrity to leave me a note. (Marvin just laughed when he realised how crest-fallen I looked... luckily... because I would've probably broken something in anger had he not been so light-hearted about it)
So... the next couple of days I spent trying to find out whether or not my beautiful silver Corolla had comprehensive car insurance (much to my comfort, it does)...
Today I finally dropped it off at the repairers; which means I have no car for a week. :(
In between today and the day my car was hit, the following things have happened:
- Edwin and I celebrated the 6-month mark by devouring pots of all-you-can-eat muscles at King St Wharf;
- Amardeep and I did the girly thing of sitting on her bed pouring out the type of thoughts and verbal nonsence about issues that only girls can cry/whince/ponder/get pissed over;
- I realised, on the final page of my yellow journal, just how difficult the past year and a half has been for me....
- I started a fresh new journal the day the WYD Cross & Icon arrived in Sydney...
- John Howard give the first speech to ever make my eyes water with tears of inspiration and joy (who would've thought it possible?! Made sure Edwin & I grabbed a photo with him to make sure we'd remember the rare moment forever)
- A crowd of over 8,000 people gathered at Darling Harbour to welcome the WYD Cross & Icon into Sydney
- Guy Sebastian & Paulini sung the WYD08 theme song in front of those 8,000 people
- I followed the Cross & Icon across the Archdiocese of Sydney for 8 days...
- Nereus drove Luke, Suarez, Dom & I to the Circular Quay, where we were joined by Edwin and many other faithful Cross groupies, who accompanied the Cross & Icon onto a ferry, then sailed it over to Manly, where 600 people were waiting at the wharf to welcome it into the Broken Bay Diocese (wow)
- I stuffed my face with pancakes, smothered with ice cream, chocolate sauce, bananas and walnuts after what felt like the most amazing week in Sydney...
- I tried to teach Caitlyn how to play drums, watched her tap-dance on my living room tiles, fell asleep next to her a few times, laughed at her sillyness and let her play with my facial features with her tiny little hands...
- I did the most nerve-racking (and most unprepared for) testimony in front of about 1000 people at my local parish last night... (yikes) about how WYD affected me and why I'm so excited... I still regret talking so fast, mumbling so many times, saying "Umm..." a gazillion times and not wrapping up effectively. Oh well... life goes on I guess.
- I slept and slept and slept and woke up with a congested nose, an aching head, and lots of tissues in my bin...
- I fell in love with my boyfriend again... who gives me hugs, plays guitar for me, and washes the dishes when I'm sick.
- I blogged half a novel about 4 weeks of my life... with no pictures. Ha. (They'll come later.)
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
stupid handbag
this may seem odd... Blogging on a train. I left my handbag at d clergy meeting u see, so my boss has taken my car and now i feel completely naked coz i dnt have a wallet or... Anything really.
Today i felt weird. Out of place. Again it was another restless nyt, wondering wat to do with my life, trying to find vision.. Not quite knowing how to feel about the absence of direction.
I began to write a list of things i have... Which was cool, because it reminded me that i have in fact had some amazing experiences, adventures, stories, dreams and accomplishments. Sometimes its nice to b reminded.. Its gonna b ok. Hmmm... Now... I feel like.. Some chocolate, a nice dinner, my pyjamas, toe socks, a few hugs, a trip to a beach house far far away, a massage, soft music... I dont know wat else so ill stop wasting my money and disconnect now.
Today i felt weird. Out of place. Again it was another restless nyt, wondering wat to do with my life, trying to find vision.. Not quite knowing how to feel about the absence of direction.
I began to write a list of things i have... Which was cool, because it reminded me that i have in fact had some amazing experiences, adventures, stories, dreams and accomplishments. Sometimes its nice to b reminded.. Its gonna b ok. Hmmm... Now... I feel like.. Some chocolate, a nice dinner, my pyjamas, toe socks, a few hugs, a trip to a beach house far far away, a massage, soft music... I dont know wat else so ill stop wasting my money and disconnect now.
Sunday, June 17, 2007
sleepless nights
I heard Professor Hayden Ramsay give a Catechesis the other night to a bunch of teenagers. When he finished I was bawling my eyes out, but he said a few things that really struck me. Towards the end of his talk, he was telling us about the fundamental truths and ideas that we have a right to know. Off the top of my head, these ones I'm writing were the ones that got water-works started. They were:
1. You are not just a blob of cells stuck together in a body. You were created in a miracle of love by God, through the love of your mum and dad.
2. Sometimes you feel really alone, and that you're trapped. That's ok. You can feel those things, but you're going to spend the rest of your life walking out of that trap, and out of that desert - and straight into paradise.
He said a few more things that really humbled me and made me remember what it is that I'm doing all this for. Sometimes it's so easy to forget. Sometimes it all becomes work, and I forget the significance of WYD and think its all just one event after another... then a Professor gives a talk on a Friday night... in a hall that is literally full of teenagers... and I'm reminded that we are the heroes of the Church today. That one day, centuries from now, the Church will remain and the faithful will live on because of the work that we do to keep Christ alive in the hearts of those who believe in him...
Hmm... what else did he say?
I'm paraphrasing here, but I like being reminded: It's all well and good to have fun. But life isn't about fun. Life isn't all about feelings either. If it were, we'd be in a big mess. Sometimes we feel miserable, but that doesn't mean God is gone. Sometimes he working in you so deeply that you can't understand or comprehend it. It's often in these darkest moments that he's doing the greatest work. And it's only when he's finished when you get to see the masterpiece.
And of course...
When Jesus died, he made his friends really miserable. They didn't feel great at all. Why did he die? I reckon it was to give us a message, and that message is simply: If you love with all your heart... if you give your whole self and love with your whole life... then the world will crucify you. They will get rid of you. But... you will rise again. And in your rising, you will give others tremendous hope.
Christ conquered death. Which means no matter how dead you feel, he has the strength to conquer whatever it is that's killing you.
1. You are not just a blob of cells stuck together in a body. You were created in a miracle of love by God, through the love of your mum and dad.
2. Sometimes you feel really alone, and that you're trapped. That's ok. You can feel those things, but you're going to spend the rest of your life walking out of that trap, and out of that desert - and straight into paradise.
He said a few more things that really humbled me and made me remember what it is that I'm doing all this for. Sometimes it's so easy to forget. Sometimes it all becomes work, and I forget the significance of WYD and think its all just one event after another... then a Professor gives a talk on a Friday night... in a hall that is literally full of teenagers... and I'm reminded that we are the heroes of the Church today. That one day, centuries from now, the Church will remain and the faithful will live on because of the work that we do to keep Christ alive in the hearts of those who believe in him...
Hmm... what else did he say?
I'm paraphrasing here, but I like being reminded: It's all well and good to have fun. But life isn't about fun. Life isn't all about feelings either. If it were, we'd be in a big mess. Sometimes we feel miserable, but that doesn't mean God is gone. Sometimes he working in you so deeply that you can't understand or comprehend it. It's often in these darkest moments that he's doing the greatest work. And it's only when he's finished when you get to see the masterpiece.
And of course...
When Jesus died, he made his friends really miserable. They didn't feel great at all. Why did he die? I reckon it was to give us a message, and that message is simply: If you love with all your heart... if you give your whole self and love with your whole life... then the world will crucify you. They will get rid of you. But... you will rise again. And in your rising, you will give others tremendous hope.
Christ conquered death. Which means no matter how dead you feel, he has the strength to conquer whatever it is that's killing you.
****
Atm it's 3:17am and I can't get to sleep. I don't know if Ella's mum made me really strong coffee (normally it doesn't last 5 hours though) or if it's just the gazillion things that went through my mind tonight, or the fact that I finally had a good conversation with girls the old-school Nagle family that once ruled my heart... who knows.
I really do hope that they tell me when things are happening, or that I get invited out to their get-togethers. It's so easy to slip into the habit of not making an effort to catch up with people... to let the time-consuming events of my life eat up the quality time I could be devoting to the people who made me who I am... God it was great being in Kamella's kitchen and listening to Nat and Mary Anne tell me about their lives. It was fun being able to open up in conversation and share the wisdom that 5 years out of high school and offer.
Yikes. 5 years. Before we know it it'll be 10 years... and suddenly high school days when we used to laugh about sex, bitch about boys, throw tantrums about teachers and stress about blotchy skin will be a faint memory. Although I'm sure when we're 30-something, we'll still be laughing about sex, bitching about boys - who by that time should be men, but still aren't, throwing tantrums at teachers - who are not teaching our children properly, and stress about blotchy - or perhaps wrinkly, sun-damaged - skin.
I'm trying to remember what I thought I'd be doing at 22 years of age, back when they asked the 17 year old me. Back in June, 2002 I was thinking about uni preferences... and I'm pretty sure the final draft for my Extension 2 English major was due. Oh God.. that story about Carson London, Rei Phuong, Kayla Summers, and Mario... something. The 4 split personalities of the schizophrenic me all rolled out into one postmodern story about the journey to self-discovery. Pfft... 5 years on and I still don't know who I am, and I probably have more personalities than back when I was 17.
Can I admit at least just how funny it is to be able to say I'm a law-school drop-out. That's right folks - ex Captain, dux (whatever you wanna say about high school achievements) dropped out of her law degree, graduated from a (bludgy) media degree... and is no where near working in that industry.
The lesson is: only God knows where your life is going, so you may as well let him drive.
Sometimes it freaks me out. I think about marriage a lot - which is odd because Edwin and I don't plan to get married any time soon. I think it's even more strange to have found the one I'd like to spend the rest of my life with... but have no idea what else I plan to do with my life. No thoughts on career, where to live, how I plan to earn money, what I'll do post-WYD08. In the deepest depths of my heart I know that planning such things doesn't matter (it's just like those blasted uni preferences, which stresses everyone out during yr 12, and at the end of the day, it means very little). But it's not the planning that worries me. It's the goal-setting (these are two essentially different things). One must have goals before one makes plans.
So what are my goals?
I don't know.
Which is why I'm freaking out.
I figure marriage has been on my mind because it's one of the few things that are on my goals list. Apart from that, I'm a bit lost. Odd for someone who's supposed to be ultra-smart, successful and career-orientated. Odd because I know that the only thing I know I definitely want is a husband and a family. Give me someone to love, and some kids to raise, and I'll be completely fulfilled. Everything else is just accessorising. This is quite a controversial thing for me to admit, because part of me still doesn't want to accept that my vocation is ultimately marriage. I mean... the Joy that grew up to be independent, adventurous and somewhat crazy is still trying to come to grips with the realisation that the person she has become has become this person to eventually be united with another person (hopefully the one who's in bed at the moment, about 1.2 km away, snoring peacefully with his Nokia resting near his head because he fell asleep on the phone with his girlfriend, who happens to be up at almost 4am, blogging about how she wants to marry him one day).
If I play my cards right, I'll hand the cards to God and let the future fall into place. Career, husband, home, future, retirement plan, travel destinations - the lot. But the control-freak (Rei Phuong) section of personality likes to know the next destination... the next item on the agenda.
Blah. The endless cycle of useless thinking that is keeping my mind buzzing.
Again... I think I need a holiday.
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Oh sooo sleepy
I couldn't open my eyes this morning. It was soooo cold! Crawling out of bed, ripping off my clothes and jumping into burning hot shower water has become my daily morning routine. Apparently (according to Good Health magazine), you should keep your shower water as cold as you can bear it, but unfortunately I can't bear it much colder than steaming hot. Hence the dry skin during this entire season.
And to make matters worse, the aircon at work is pointed directly at me. GRr...
And to make matters worse, the aircon at work is pointed directly at me. GRr...
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
yeah it's time to switch that brain off...
I didn't think I sounded that tired, but I guess it's just become part of my personality. Picking up the phone with half a sigh... wondering if there is anything other than more obligations to really look forward to.
It's been a fortnight full of ugly insights into the sickening reality of adulthood... and yes, I would like to quietly slip under my 3 blankets, cuddle up with my Eeyore, Mylow and Grrr... and pretend that growing up is on my "wish list" as opposed to my never ending "to-do" list.
Granted, there are some perks. But I'm not in the mood to go down that path tonight.
Instead, tonight, I am listening to "Seventeen Ain't So Sweet" (which is also getting a bit depressing, because I sure as hell ain't seventeen anymore, and the fire in my eyes and the strain in my voice is long gone), and wondering why my brain keeps on ticking, even though I've turned its switch off many times. Perhaps it's defaulted into "work mode" and will stay there until the day I resign. Oh F%^#K.
Ahhh - the song has switched to "I Could Sing Of Your Love Forever." That's better. Much more soothing.
So... today I was still in the office at 6:15pm, trying to chase up a few of the 59 flagged emails. I managed to get through about 30 of them before I realised the Operations Team were all about to pack up and leave for the night, and there was no way I was going to stay in that big leaking demountable all by myself.
I caught the slow train home, listening to "Big Girls Don't Cry" and was hit with the fact that I'm not a big girl, and yes I do cry. I am small, tired, and wish someone would pick me up and give me a really long, affectionate hug - without my having to ask for it.
By "someone" I actually mean my boyfriend... who is great at giving hugs... but he's been somewhat distracted lately. What with work... and then he's one of the biggest purchases of his life... and he's going to Brisbane tomorrow. That amongst other things. So I couldn't really count on him to notice any of my clues about needing some emotional support tonight.
Instead I turn to this screen, these worn out keys of this faithful HP, the heater purring beside my bed, and the candle flickering and wafting the aroma of frangipanis and rose petals.
My hair needs a wash.
It's been a fortnight full of ugly insights into the sickening reality of adulthood... and yes, I would like to quietly slip under my 3 blankets, cuddle up with my Eeyore, Mylow and Grrr... and pretend that growing up is on my "wish list" as opposed to my never ending "to-do" list.
Granted, there are some perks. But I'm not in the mood to go down that path tonight.
Instead, tonight, I am listening to "Seventeen Ain't So Sweet" (which is also getting a bit depressing, because I sure as hell ain't seventeen anymore, and the fire in my eyes and the strain in my voice is long gone), and wondering why my brain keeps on ticking, even though I've turned its switch off many times. Perhaps it's defaulted into "work mode" and will stay there until the day I resign. Oh F%^#K.
Ahhh - the song has switched to "I Could Sing Of Your Love Forever." That's better. Much more soothing.
So... today I was still in the office at 6:15pm, trying to chase up a few of the 59 flagged emails. I managed to get through about 30 of them before I realised the Operations Team were all about to pack up and leave for the night, and there was no way I was going to stay in that big leaking demountable all by myself.
I caught the slow train home, listening to "Big Girls Don't Cry" and was hit with the fact that I'm not a big girl, and yes I do cry. I am small, tired, and wish someone would pick me up and give me a really long, affectionate hug - without my having to ask for it.
By "someone" I actually mean my boyfriend... who is great at giving hugs... but he's been somewhat distracted lately. What with work... and then he's one of the biggest purchases of his life... and he's going to Brisbane tomorrow. That amongst other things. So I couldn't really count on him to notice any of my clues about needing some emotional support tonight.
Instead I turn to this screen, these worn out keys of this faithful HP, the heater purring beside my bed, and the candle flickering and wafting the aroma of frangipanis and rose petals.
My hair needs a wash.
Monday, June 04, 2007
Journey of the WYD Cross & Icon Music Video
This is the result...of many trials, sacrifices, time given, love offered... and crosses beared.
Enjoy.
Sunday, June 03, 2007
playing with the technologically advanced
hey so get this. Im at edwins and im blogging with my phone. Its crazy wat u can do with phones these days. I dont even know if this will work, or if wat im typing with predictive text is working. Lets hope im not paying for this connection- i mean seriously.. Itd b pretty stupid if i had to since im not even goin online via OPTUS. Anyway... This is a great way to spend a sunday. Grooving on the couch, listening to music.. And thinking about absolutely nothing.
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