head out of the ground

Greetings friends who read this blasted BLOG! Oh man.. I feel blog starved... it feels like forever since I've posted anything. And it's not because I haven't had anything to say either... I've had plenty to say (mostly pointless, random gibberish, that I'm sure you're used to) but just haven't had the time to sit here and pointlessly hammer away at my laptop.

Firstly because most of my spare time - wait... most of? What on earth do I mean by that? Spare time is actually a rarity at the CYS house, and even my time off at home - which has been shortened to less than 24hrs a week - is usually spent asleep, with my sisters, neice, parents or muchly missed friends of the Western region! But yeah anyway... the spare time I DO have, is spent hammering away at my new friend Asher.

He's black, got good rhythm (provided I hit the right thing), can get pretty loud (much like me), lives in the upstairs common room and totally loves the ocean views.

Ehp... Ash is my new friend from Bambams - the beautiful new black shiny drum kit that totally bumped up the standard of all 21st birthday presents. Wow... wasn't expecting that one! Thanks to all the people who made my birthday so blessed. I don't have the energy to describe just how spoilt I was when I celebrated this year... but man... I have experienced gratitude at a level never before reached in my 21 years of living.

Hey... so... life in the missionary field? What to say? Today I witnessed the most awesome level of childlike faith I've ever seen. The REC actually got me teary at the end of the day when she so confidently, lovingly and sincerely proclaimed that she saw God in each of those 32 yr 6 students, and that she actually looked up to them because of their enthusiasm and excitement.

One of the many favourites of today was Paul, who, as a an answer to the question "why should we as leaders ask 'what would Jesus do?'," stuck his hand up in the air so quickly and said so matter-of-factly into the microphone, "Because he's our king and we believe in him!"

WOW.

Gotta love that innocence ay?

Today, the sunrise and the moon made my day. One of those natural blessings that I get to see when I pop my head out of the room... And speaking of my room... I better check it because atm I strung all my washing in there (undies and shirts gallore!) because of the rain this afternoon.

So to end it quickly, here's my "Golden List" for today:

1. The sky this morning - glorious blue, red and everything in between.
2. The yr 6 kids and everything about them that totally made my heart clucky and fuzzy today.
3. The purple Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle toy from the McDonald's Happy Meal
4. I was walking around Bondi with a pink balloon and got to see a 3yr old girl smile so big just coz I gave it to her
5. Spending time with the girls on team
6. Laughing at the guys (esp. Boks and Joe)
7. Tuesday's conversation
8. Daydreaming about NZ in April
9. God's way of winning over my heart (esp. through Elizabeth Elliot's "Passion & Purity")
10. Singing Motown songs in the van.

nothing in particular

I'm in a contemplative mood - what with the rain splatting on the roof, the blinding lightning, the cars making swoosh sounds over the road, and the angry thunder freaking me out every now and again.

No... sorry, actually I'm just procrastinating again. My current crisis is that I can't seem to get comfortable - no matter where I am. It's a perplexing conundrum... but it's one that's been bothering me for quite some time now. And you know what totally sucks more?? We've managed to run out of ink. At this very second my printer is spitting out sheets of paper marked with splotches of black nothing. Gargh...!

On a positive note, Caitlyn came over for a visit this afternoon for lunch. It was the most heart-warming experience, having a tiny little baby fall asleep on my lap. I was thoroughly entertained for an hour, this fragile little baby peacefully dozing, pausing only momentarily to stretch, flinch, or open her curious little eyes and look at me with suspicion. She was very considerate not to make any noise as her parents napped in our living room. Jean and Mark ought to be commended for how well they cope with their exhaustion.

Hmmm... so what's to say today? Nothing much. Except there are a few things I should probably remind myself (one gains pah-lenty of wisdom after watching 7 episodes of the 2nd season of The OC in one weekend)... uh... like:
- Avoiding the truth will ultimately screw up your life
- There is no such thing as doing nothing, because even the act of doing nothing has a consequence
- Nice big houses and fancy-schmancy clothes will never equate to happiness
- If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything (the character of Marisa is a perfect example of this... I swear she annoys the hell out of me)
- There's hope for everyone (even Summer...)
- Never take guys like Zach for granted
- Don't do backflips unless you're totally confident you can do it, and if you start doing a backflip, do not (I repeat DO NOT!) stop half-way or you will kick yourself in the face with your knee and land on your back (not a good way to stay healthy and flexible)

Yeah so that last thing was not something I learnt while watching The OC. I learn that important life lesson on Friday afternoon at the Don Bosco centre... I've got video footage to prove it... and have been periodically treating myself to shiatsu massages all weekend to overcome the physical trauma of my (failed) attempt at primary school gymnastics... hmmm....

welcome Earthling!

She says: Dude! I'm in love!!
He says: Awww... you're Tita Joy!
She says: Ah! What? Tita?? ...
He says: Oh that's right, you're not Filo, you're Aussie. Aunty Joy. (pause) Aunt Joy. *cue sinister laugh* Man, you're old!
She says: Ah shut up. *smiles* Hmm.. I'm in love.

***

There's a photo of the cutest little baby girl on my phone. Her name is Caitlyn Julia, and she's the tiniest and cutest living creature I've laid eyes on, and she has totally been milking the privelege of being caressed in the arms of pah-lenty of Enriquez & dela Cruz family members since she was born on Monday. She has curious, sleepy eyes that stare at you in awe, and a smile that has earned many adoring kisses from our lil step-cousin AJ.

***

Dear Caitlyn,
Well... welcome to planet Earth! You arrived a little early, but that's ok. I don't know if the Internet will still be around when you grow up and blogging will probably be out of date, but I figure I should pay you a tribute since you are one ultra-special new-comer to the family.

So... the day you were born was exciting! I drove to uni (ehp... the firt time your Lolo let me drive the land cruiser around) and I got the news of you being born as I was parked outside a nursing home in Beecroft (hmm... is that ironic?). I told my two best mates first... and drove to the hospital to see you and your parents. Your Dad was totally in love with you, and your Mum was a natural at taking care of you from day one. You probably couldn't tell (and if you could, I'm sure you don't remember) but everyone who was hanging around Bed 10 was glowing with excitement at your arrival.

Btw, you're decision to get here on Monday was excellent timing. You're Lola was up in Sydney, instead of at work in Canberra, and I wasn't all the way at Clovelly. So luckily, we got to see you on the day you arrived - all pink, tiny, squashed up and ultra-adorable.

I believe your Lolo has saved the newspaper that we got on the day you were born. Wow... that's sweet!

Hmm... so what's to tell you about this planet? I should apologise... it's a bit messed up. A lot of others who arrived before you have managed to screw up a few things (morality, optimism, idealism, religion... just to mention a few) - but fear not! There are still many people who are working through the mess and trying to make things better for you, and your future brothers, sisters, cousins and what-not.

Plus, there are many AMAZING and very VERY cool things in this world that humanity can't get rid of - God has built them into creation, and hopefully nothing drastic will happen, because I'd love for you to experience these things with a lot anticipation and excitement. Rainbows, music, swimming in the ocean, bubble baths, bush walks, trampolines, chocolate ice cream, snow, baby rabbits and fresh cut grass are just a few of life's irreplaceable treasures. Remind me to show these things to you as you're growing up.

And just in case you forget (although I promised myself on the day you were born that I'd never LET you forget)... GOD LOVES YOU VERY MUCH! And that's why you're here... because you're an expression of God's love. Hehehe... your hair will grow, your baby fat will disappear, you'll grow up & out, you'll probably adopt a bit of an attitude... but God will love you all the same... and so will your Mum & Dad. Plus... you've got four doting aunties who are already totally in love with you... just in case you don't feel like talking to your parents about these things.

Don't forget the era of laptops, palm-tops, mobile mania, Robo-sapiens, cars with GPS, Jack Johnson, Kanye West, John Legend, and riduculous but entertaining genres of music, movies and reality TV.

This is the era where everyone is a cynic (or pretends they are) - everyone except the people who are at peace with the world, how it was created, and their place. I'm hoping you grow up to be one of those exceptions... an optimist, an adventurer, a girl who is quite happy to be discovering things that are both happy and disturbing, a girl who has her confidence in the God that created her, died for her and is totally, completely and thoroughly ready to love her from head to toe.

Undoubtedly, your time here will be an exciting one!

Love ya lots Caitlyn Julia (currently known as Caiju, Caju, Greedy Guts or Watermelon Baby).

Your pal, Joy (*ahem!* too young to be a Tita...) =p

homesickness

I never thought I'd be one to call home crying. But today's just one of those days... (did u ever hear that song by Monica.. "Just One of Them Days?".. ehp. That's me. Officially girlified.) I tried calling home. But no one's picking up their phone. Tried calling my mum. But we're never on the phone long enough for an actual conversation. Wish I could call Roanne... but she's at a retreat. Have no idea what my other sisters are doing, but I figure if they're not picking up the home phone, they're out doing something.

Right now I want to vomit, cry and vege. Right now, I want familiarity. Even though this place is officially home, I miss familiarity. I miss my family. But they don't seem to be missing me. And I miss my friends... crap - do I ever. Our stupidity, jokes, laziness and *sigh*... BLEH.

I just had a flashback of being in Suarez's living room on a Friday night. It was almost two years ago..crap. Back when I was doing ICOM 2-0-something in 2nd year uni, and Friday nights equated to late-night DVDs with Suarez, Nereus and Eddoes (and sometimes even Gerry... aww Gerry... where are you these days??). I miss the bumming. The bludging. The arguments about girls and guys. All that talk about love and how not to fall for cheap, overrated versions of it. Those conversations about nothing.

I miss random visits from Ian because he could smell fish coming out the kitchen window. I miss Sav & Pielle driving past my window and screaming out my name for the whole neighbourhood to hear.

And then there was Boston Markets. Why did they have to get rid of that restaurant? Why did people fail to see the value of corn bread?? And that $20 meal & movie deal at Reading Cinema that Ryan, Nez, Edwin and I exploited after deep and meaningful conversations about the skin colour, accent, and ideal qualities of our future partners... priceless stuff man. Ryan and his thing for salsa dancing... hahaha...

Don't get me wrong. Life in the house is awesome, and my friends here are irreplaceable. But so was life out West, and my friends back there are still irreplaceable. West Upperhousehold. Riann, Carlos, Jane, Gerry, Jons, Dom, Jaypee... Playing charades in my living room. Jumbling Tower. The TABOO session at Ian's place for Jonna's 21st. The beach. The St Andrew's choir and morning breakfasts at McDonald's.

I MISS MY MATES.

Bleh.

can't stand...

Bleh... it's Saturday, a beautiful blue sky is right outside my window **cue the fresh ocean breeze** but man I can't get out of this seat. I'm dying, I tell you. I want to walk to the beach and lie in the sand... but I can't move. BLAAAARRRRGGGHHH!

Couldn't sleep last night. I was still awake at 2:30am and put some music on. Tried to nod off but got up at 4:30am, walked to the toilet conquered my fear of ghosts attacking me on my way to toilet, only to be faced with the challenge of NOT falling asleep on the toilet seat... walked down stairs and almost collapsed in the kitchen.

Friday night... not fun.

Currently thinking:
- Everyone I want to call is probably at the SFC retreat, and the people who aren't haven't wanted to talk to me since I moved to the city.
- Damn this office - it's never clean.
- What am I going to eat for lunch?
- Can't move... womanhood has paralysed me for the day.
- ROCKY's pizza... mmmmhmmm..
- Yr 7 kids were gorgeous at yesterday's reflection day.
- Craving a watermelon boost juice.
- Wish my friends would visit me.
- Wish my family would too.
- Stupid uni assignments. I thought it was all meant to be over now!
- Wish I could teleport or apparate my way home.
- Wish I had a car with a built-in driver.
- Wish I had someone to snuggle with. Even a puppy would do right now.

instinctively...

Ramblings from a long train ride...

Every animal - with or without a soul - has an instinctive fear. There is some type of natural internal force that intructs us to guard our own life, and the lives of those in our family circle, for fear of losing our most valuable possession - LIFE.

Humans could do a lot of good by considering the lessons learnt from a close analysis of animal behaviour. Notice how an animal knows instinctively how important it is to produce offspring? There is a point somewhere in their life cycle where an internal "click" happens and the animal knows (instinctively!) that one of the most important (if not the most important) purpose for its existence is to produce offspring. Pass the family genes. Reproduce. Encourage the continuity of the species. Protect the bloodline. Ensure survival.

An animal knows how important - or better yet; how sacred - it is to have children. In the animal kingdom (which, by the way, humanity is a part of), motherhood is prized because without it, animals of all species (yes, including our own) would eventually cease to exist.

You're all thinking "thanks for the deep biology lesson Joy, but what's the point?" Well I pose this question... What has humanity done to the sanctity of motherhood???? The more I think about this, the angrier I become. Where is the pride in being able to create and nurture life? For a species so advanced in intellect, emotion, knowledge and technology; for a species that seems so adamant in their pursuit to improve the quality and efficiency of life, why are we so happy to hinder the creation of it?

We are a species that encourages its fellow humans to take pride in scientific or spiritual discoveries and achievements, yet we treat the ability to create the most complex, beautiful, mysterious, delicate, and powerful of all creations with such fear and disdain. How is it that humans can so casually destroy life and desecrate it, when the lowliest and simplest of all animals hold life - and the ability to create it - in such high regard?

It would be easy to justify my intense anger towards advocates of RU-486 with sound Catholic doctrine. But my reasons for contempt against this drug are far more basic than spiritual theology. Whether or not I believe a foetus is alive or dead, with or without a soul; it is the fact that we have allowed ourslves to endanger the life of a potential mother and destroying the potential for life to be created that is so disgusting.

A drug that gives potential mothers the ability to endanger their own life in order to destroy the potential of creating life in her own body is completely contradictory to the animal instinct to protect and continue life. To slow down reproduction in any animal species is unnatural. Motherhood and childbirth are essential to survival. The fact this drug is even being considered to be legalised in Australia shows that we are indeed a lost and doomed species.

I'm starting to see why people are convinced that "the end is near." It may or may not come within the decade or century, but if we wake up one morning and wonder why the fertility rate has dropped, why children dishonour and disrespect their parents, and why sexually transmitted disease is so rampant, we'll have no one to blame but ourselves. (Or has that day come already???)

To support RU-486 (or any other abortion for that matter) desecrates parenthood, builds foundations for broken families, justifies the anti-family sentiment that haunts could-have-been mothers and fathers, and disrespects humanity's unmatched ability to create life with a soul.

I wonder about those who argue ruthlessly that RU-486 is justifiable. Truthfully, it might be useful to a teenager with an unwanted pregnancy, a family with too many children, a woman with an abusive partner, a rape victim... the list goes on. Please don't think for a moment that I haven't considered these people - that their situations are any less deserving of the understanding and mercy that we would desire for ourselves if ever we were ever in their place. Because I have thought about these women... Women who should be respected and honored - as all women should be - for the ability... the gift of bearing a child that could be the difference this world could need.

It saddens me that motherhood has been trivialised. It isn't a trivial matter to infertile young women. It isn't trivial to the couple who has prayed for decades for a child to call their own. It won't be a trivial matter to the generations after us who look around at the broken families, the broken relationships and the broken hearts that litter society because we've discarded the respect due to the one thing sacred to all living things - LIFE.

You may think this issue doesn't apply to you.

It does.

What if your mother had taken that drug? You wouldn't be here. How would you react if it was your sister who wanted to take the risk? Not only will she destroy the possiblity of having a neice or nephew that one time, she risks destroying all possibilities of having a child. She risks her own life. What if it was your wife? Your teacher? Your next door neighbour? Would you be so comfortable to stand back if the women you loved most in the world chose to take that risk? How comfortable would you be if it was your turn to start a family and you couldn't?

How will our children's children value the lives of others if their parents can't value the life of the child?

The respect has to start now. The respect has to start here. The respect has to start with you.

It is human instinct - to live.

it's morphin time!!

Welcome to February - the second month of 2006. January was proof that this year is going to fly by without me even being able to blink.

Yesterday I paid my "real home" (as some friends like to remind me) a visit and spent the early evening diving into childhood memories by watching The Power Rangers Movie. Brought me back to the unforgettable schoolyard moments of 1994 and 1995 when pink ranger was my idol and all I wanted to do was cartwheels and backflips at the back of St Pat's playground in order to fight off those deadly Putties. Man... pink ranger was such a bimbo though. (that explains alot ay?)

Of course there's always my way of making sure I still tease out a moral out of last night's nostalgic couch experience. What was it that the half-naked warrior of the planet Vados was saying? Oh yes... the stronger power lies within.

When all hope is lost, then remember that GOD IS THE STRENGTH OF YOUR HEART.

The best inward sign of vocation is deep gladness – revolutionary but true. If a work is mine to do, it will make me glad over the long haul, despite the difficult days. Even the difficult days will ultimately gladden me, because they pose the kinds of problems that can help me grow in a work if it is truly mine.
[P. Palmer - The Courage To Teach]

It's been a month of training at the CYS house, and without a doubt - the strength to get through the long days is definitely from a source unbeknown to me. Each day brings with it a new set of challenges - be it spiritual, emotional, mental or physical... but I really praise God for providing CYS with such a devoted, affirming, funny and faithful team to do his work this year!

Having said that, if you read this, please note that our first retreat is tomorrow - so please send out a prayer for us!!

We are the limbs and eyes and faces in and through whom Christ plays.
[E.H.Peterson - Christ Plays In Ten Thousand Places]

just don't forget...

There are moments in your life that remind you of the very reason why you were created.

Tonight was one of those moments. Tonight was one of those moments when my heart felt like it was doing more than just pumping blood through my body. It was beating. I could feel its rhythm. My eyes were doing more than processing patterns of light. They were seeing more than the room or the objects in it. They saw more than the screen and more than the reflection in the mirror.

They were seeing life for the first time... again.

It's like that feeling you get when you kiss someone for the first time. Sometimes it's scary. Sometimes you're uncertain. More often than not, you're excited - even though it's like fumbling with a language you don't have a thorough understanding of. Whatever the context, place, time, or person... the constant factor between each time it occurs is that things are different after it happens.

Today's "First Kiss" felt no different.. and much like Drew Barrymore in 50 First Dates, I hope I get to feel it everyday.

Sorry to disappoint any readers, but I thought I should clarify that didn't actually experience any real first kisses with any boys today. But, being the hopeless romantic that I am (sorry to make some of you puke!), I'll liken this feeling that I'm feeling right now to that feeling after The First Kiss.

It started this afternoon as I got to the bus stop after class. I realised then that there was something about today that gave me a little spring in my step as I walked through the car park and over the pedestrian crossing. Something in me made me look at the sky, and despite the murky grey shadows in the clouds, I was comforted. Something in me made me breathe in the air with a deeper appreciation. Despite the cold biting at my skin, I could feel something warm.

These images all sound cliche, but there was nothing cliche about the events of this afternoon.

I got off the bus and went to my doctor's appointment. I was shivering in the waiting room. After watching them try several times to find the right vein to get two blood samples from, I left the pathology lab feeling slightly faint. I called another lab to make another appointment and put down the phone feeling disheartened and afraid. The warm feeling I'd felt at the bus stop was slowly being sapped the longer I stayed at the surgery. At first I thought it was the air-conditioning, but then I realised I was getting colder because of my fear.

I started walking, hoping to get warmer, but the fear got stronger and so did the cold. By the time I reached the automatic doors my teeth were chattering. I walked inside wondering where I could buy a coffee.

And then I saw him.

I looked up, our eyes met, and the cold was evaporated the moment he smiled.

Something in me shifted. Something in me told me this was no ordinary day.

There are very few people I've met who've had the power to make me feel this way. Only the very select few know how to sweep me off my feet without even having to try. But today I saw someone who could - and did. From the moment he smiled, the spring in my step came back. The sky remained grey, but I was comforted. The air was still cold, but I breathed it deeply and gratefully.

That was part one of The Kiss.

Part two was after I packed for Wollongong. Have you ever watched Patch Adams? If you haven't, then go to the video store now. Yes - now. Turn off the computer, jump in the car with your Video Ezy card and get it. Now. Then re-read this blog.

Yes, so - part two. Part Two came through that movie. Part Two was an affirmation and full-stop - or better yet, an exclamation mark - on everything that I felt in Part One. Part Two was God reminding me what I'm going to do with my life. Part Two was God telling me that all my fears, all my insecurities, all my worries and all my concerns were smothered by one overpowering element of my spirit that I have yet to completely embrace... my passion to love. Love Him. Love him.

It's hard to describe and I'm posting it on here because I don't want to forget this feeling - even though I'm having enough trouble articulating it. But I'll give it a go, even though I risk sounding incredibly stupid.

You see... I have a dream. (no wait... that line's been used before. Besides it's wrong -) I have a lot of dreams. And I know, from experience, that when I dream, it's doesn't just remain a dream. It becomes a goal. And, if God likes the goal, he turns it into a plan. And then it becomes reality. And then it becomes my life.

I've seen it happen with a lot of things. The first major thing (not counting anything that happened in high school, although that would be a nice thought...) was the GK Challenge of 2004. With the help of 2 boys names Chris, an unforgettable and irreplaceable priest, and an incredibly dedicated youth group & parish, we were able to raise just under $12,000 to rebuild houses for the poor in Philippines. That's three times the amount I had aimed to raise.

Then there was the youth newsletter. At first it was a once off publication. An announcement that the group existed, and had accomplished great things. Then the accomplishments became monthly, and so did the newsletter. That was dream #2.

Then there was the concert. Call me crazy, but who would've thought a group of teenagers/tertiary students could co-produce a concert in two months? It wasn't a professional shindig. It wasn't a out-of-the-world performance. But from the scratch that we started with, the final product was something to be proud of. And certainly I am - not of me, but of everyone else who made it happen. The production team. The performers. The families. The church. The young people. People who reflected the face of God. People who swept me off my feet. That was dream #3.

Then there was Europe. All 1,257 digital photos prove how amazing that adventure was. Ten countries down before the age of 21. If that isn't a major dream accomplished, I don't know what is.

The current miracle involves living next the beach, right behind a church in an enormous house with its own chapel, and housemates that are out of this world. I get to do what I love to do full-time for a whole year.

And so the list goes on. It's not an extensive list... but the miracle in each achievement sure makes up for the lack of numbers.

The thing you have to understand here is that I'm not putting these up here to brag. I'm merely pointing out something that I've only re-realised tonight: and that's the simple reality that

DREAMS ACTUALLY CAN COME TRUE.

My life is a living, answered prayer. God does it all the time. He actually enjoys it.

And so there I was, watching Patch Adams. And suddenly I got teary. I thought about all my dreams. All my goals. All my plans. They played around in my mind. Before today, they were teasing me as they played through my imagination. They used to taunt and mock me and whisper awful things like, "It'll never happen Joy - just get with reality..."

But not today. Today I contentedly closed my eyes and saw my dreams coming alive. It was almost as if God watched those dreams with me and, with a tender smile extended his hand over the universe, winked, and then drew a massive red tick. And that feeling... ooh do I love that feeling.

The feeling of grasping perfection. Even for a split second. That feeling of bliss. Of hope. Where the heart leaps, or dances, or cries, or skips, or explodes... or maybe all of the above all at the same time. That taste of heaven. That kiss. That First Kiss.

I describe it here because I want to tell myself: don't forget that feeling.

I think they call it love.

Rome Adventure (1962)

I'm a sucker I tell you. It started with the cramping. So I took refuge on my parent's bed and turned the TV on. Usually Saturday afternoon movies on Channel 9 don't affect me much... but suddenly I was hooked on the romance unfolding between Troy Donahue and Suzanne Pleshette.

All of a sudden it was 4:30pm... whoops. And now it's almost 6pm. Hmm... in terms of productivity, I didn't score very well today. But in terms of girlishness... whoa... overload!

We had drinks at a Roman cafe, had a picnic in the mountains, dinner with a jazz band, rode around on a horse and carriage until 3 in the morning, walked up the leaning tower in Pisa, stayed at a chalet in the north Italian valleys, held hands under the table, laughed at each others idiosyncracies, stole kisses... blah blah blah... the only thing missing was him proposing at the Trevi Fountain. Then I realised I wasn't Suzanne Pleshette, my name isn't Prudence Bell...and my ideal guy does not have blonde hair. But I'd definitely appreciate a holiday in Italy... and a ride in a gondola in Venice.

Regardless of my overdose of fantasy drug (and perhaps Naprogesic) this movie could've definitely been thrown in as one of my favourites. *hangs head in shame* If you've never been caught up in a 1960s romance, then get caught up into this one. Although I might be a tad biased - I think I'm attached because I was in Rome less than a year ago, and every time I get sentimental, I start going through my WYD photos again. And the ones from Rome and Paris are priceless!

*sigh* ... bus 2 pilgrims... how I miss you!

flipping chocolate pancakes

What an awesome way to spend a Saturday morning!

Waking up to a bright, beautiful Sunny Summer day. Got two loads of washing done, (I have yet to hang another load on the line... but that can wait til later this afternoon, made some choc-chip pancakes, read few chapters of "A Lesson Before Dying," (a novel) by Ernest J. Gaines, got the kitchen clean... and now.. it's just a matter of getting through two hundred pages of spiritual theology.

Ooooh yeah...

In my streak of kitchen obsessiveness (I cooked a killer tuna omelette for lunch and chicken (with herb & basil fried rice) for dinner last night), I decided this morning was a perfect opportunity to test my (intense lack of) pancake flipping skills. I finally got it right after the third attempt of flipping butter all over the sink.

My conclusion, after what happens to be an extremely exhausting week, is that regardless of what gets you down and what fears you have, la vita e bella. ;o) Sometimes you just need to drop the sad things and concentrate on the simple joys. Like flipping pancakes. The process may be messy - but the result is drool-worthy. :o)

I saw these words of comfort because it's been an emotionally tormenting week. Sometimes it feels like I'll be destined to make the same mistakes over and over again: trusting others and myself more than trusting God; getting too caught up in a moment (and we all know that moments are just that: moments that aren't intended to last forever); lying to myself to make myself feel better; being dishonest and closed off from the people who are just trying to help... the list goes on. To some extent it's comforting to know that these repeated mistakes are part of humanity's fallen nature... but I'm kind of sick of falling - I really just want to find my feet and start walking. Perhaps the real mistake I make is when I do find my feet, I attempt running almost straight away, and stack it because I'm going too fast.

And so the real challenge is patience. Not just with myself, but with other people. Especially patience for the people who seem to be holding onto my very fragile heart - because forcing them to hurry up and get it right risks them falling and stacking it too. And as they fall.. the fragile heart they're holding hits the ground and shatters too.

On a more positive note, last night was a soothing, quiet and peaceful remedy to what was a emotionally unbalanced week. I was in a flood of tears on Thursday night while I visited the CYS team in Bathurst. I guess because I still feel like I'm all over the place... and I should've been at Mark's mum's surprise party last night... but I just couldn't hack being around people. So instead I kept it quiet last night. A quiet dinner, a heart-moving Italian flick, and a sweet and sentimental moment on the couch, just wrapped up in conversation and comfort.

Sometimes I think... if it feels this good to be hugged by you, then I can't wait to be wrapped up in God's arms... ;o) When I'm not thinking that, I'm appreciating the simple joy of receiving warm and tingly hugs from the right people.

You know who you are... ;o) Those people who make my insides fly, or my dreams feel reachable, who tame my fears and comfort my soul just by wrapping their hearts around me. I love it when we're together.

There's no combination of words
I could put on the back of a postcard
No song I could sing
But I can try for your heart

Our dreams, and they are made out of real things
Like a, shoebox of photographs
With sepiatone loving
Love is the answer,
At least for most of the questions in my heart
Like why are we here? and where do we go?
And how come it's so hard?
It's not always easy and
Sometimes life can be deceiving
I'll tell you one thing its always better when we're together

...
Yeah, look at the stars when we're together
Well, it's always better when we're together
Yeah, it's always better when we're together

And all of these moments
Just might find their way into my dreams tonight
But I know that theyll be gone
When the morning light sings
And brings new things
For tomorrow night you see
That theyll be gone too
Too many things I have to do
But if all of these dreams might find their way
Into my day to day scene
I'd be under the impression
I was somewhere in between
With only two
Just me and you
Not so many things we got to do
Or places we got to be
We'll sit beneath the mango tree now

Its always better when we're together


[Jack Johnson - Better Together]

Your Heart Is Green

Love completes you, but that doesn't mean you seek it out. When love comes your way, you integrate it peacefully into the rest of you life. Your flirting style: Laid back Your lucky first date: Walking around aimlessly and talking Your dream lover: Is both enthusiastic and calm What you bring to relationships: Balance

What Color Heart Do You Have?

currently studying: bachelor of domestic fine arts

I was away for five nights, but I missed my bed and the familiar scent of the clothes in my wardrobe. Right now I'm sitting at a very familiar desk, surrounded by a very familiar sight: text books, highlighters, an assortment of stationery items that are completely unnecessary. Ehpp... Joy is in Summer school!!

The funny thing is, while this is my FINAL subject for this part of my uni experience, it's the first subject I'm actually enjoying. Mind you, I might be speaking too soon, since it's only day one and I've only heard two lectures. But of those two lectures and the chapters I've read in my two text books, I've decided that this is God's grace at it's most humorous - he whispers to me my vocation at the end of my degree.

But it's not as if the learning will stop once I collect that blasted piece of paper that says "Bachelor of Media in Multimedia Production & Theory" (it's clear to anyone who knows me well that the title of my degree means very little in terms of what path I will actually end up choosing for the majority of my time in the work force). Today I learned one of life's most valuable lessons from my Dad: How to cook sinigang.

Brilliant teacher, my Dad. Very patient of my lack of domesticated kitchen skills. The only thing I've cooked at the Clovelly house so far is bacon, eggs, toast. (Does food preparation count? Because I seem to be the evil one who brings out the chocolate and Nutella in between training seminars because I'm feeling peckish...) So yeah... when I got home this weekend, I decided it was time to learn the art of feeding loved ones (since the CYS team seem to be brilliant cooks... darn it - they've set such a high benchmark!) I spend the time I was waiting for the pork to simmer marking the dishes I plan to cook this year. And I promise... by the end of it, I will master the kitchen, all its contents, and satisfying the people who plan to eat meals in it!

... Well... that's my prayer anyway.

*****

Currently drooling over these meals... meals I plan to master... one day:
- Fried/Grilled Steak with Chilli & Lime marinade (yeah yeah... so I'm allergic to chilli. I'm hoping I'll get over it)
- Chicken stir-fry with brocolli & capsicum
- Lemongrass & soy chicken with sugar snap peas
- Beef, shiitake mushroom & snow pea stir fry
- Steamed green vegies with toasted almonds
- Stir-fried baby corn with snow peas
- Sinigang
- Adobo

Til then... pray hard for me. I'll need it.

those waves seem to be getting a tad bigger...

I just emptied out my email inbox... caught up on the lives of people by reading their blogs. (The more I read other people's blogs, the less I want them to read mine... strange but true). Shout-out to Colloes, who is in Jerusalem - hope you're loving every second of it, because I'm so jealous right now... although it just gives me another country to put on my "to-do list" of countries to visit (you know... up there with Hawaii, NZ, Spain and Egypt). Funny how I'm not that interested in going to America. Oh - expect to visit Hershey and to experience a white Christmas in New York. Edwin shattered my dreams by telling me I probably won't be allowed to bungee jump at the Grand Canyon - so we better go bungee jumping in New Zealand, or you're going down!

Ay so it's 2:35am right now. Has anyone else noticed that you can't edit publishing times on BlogSpot anymore? Or is it just me?

Anyhoo... the life of Joy has been all over the place since 2006 started. HAPPY NEW YEAR friends and blog-fans! The happenings of New Year's Eve kind of summed up what the rest of this year may be like - full of pointless but hilarious jokes, surrounded by strange people, being a witness to beautiful things and being very, very blessed and lucky.

Tonight's events were testimony to that. SPY organised a beautiful (surprise) farewell party for me. I thought it was the sweetest thing for the kids to do, and it just affirmed me of how lucky I've been to be able to experience what I have - and wow, I'm only 20. God sure knows how to pour out grace.

Those youth make me really proud to be a Catholic. It makes me laugh to know how much they protested against growing in their faith... and then realising how God's nudges and Spirit really worked miracles - not just in their lives, but definitely in my own.

****

Right now there is a cow on my bedroom desk. It has a few helium balloons tied to it's leg, and it's looking pretty sad. His name is Mylow (pronouned like the drink "Milo") and he's from Marife. I got so many presents today - it felt like Christmas and my birthday all rolled into one. Even though I cried during the videos and my speech, I wasn't really sad. I was just... happy. Proud. Affirmed. Confident that God has and will continue to take care of his children. Blessed.

Edz took me home and we prayed outside on the front porch and we talked about nothing for a couple of hours. I figure those are the best conversations - the ones about nothing and everything... they're even better when I know God's watching over us.

I feel strange now that my side of the bedroom is kind of bare. My walls are naked, my wardrobe will soon be emptied. *sigh* This year will fly by without me even knowing it... but I can't help but being a bit scared. Scared only because I feel like there's a blank canvas in front of me, and I'm always scared of making the first few splashes of paint.

I guess what I'm learning is that God is the artist, and I'm just part of the painting - not the other way around. To remember that when the going gets tough is the tricky bit.

The beautiful thing though (and I mentioned this tonight in our pointless conversation) is that God has given me enough to affirm me that he really answers prayers. My favourite moment at the SPY camp (apart from conquering the 3 storey high ropes course and thrashing the other team in volleyball! ) was the prayer time in my cabin with most of the girls at the camp. It happened at about 11pm just after lights out, and we spent a good half hour asking Mary to pray for good beach weather on Friday, and to listen to our intentions and goals for the year.

That was the best half hour of the camp... and probably the most productive, seeing as the sky cleared completely on Friday and we had a perfect day at Long Reef Beach, bathing in the sun, adding to our shades of dark and red sunburn and getting sand stuck in our bums. The point is - despite the clouds, the sun shone through. And God eventually moved those clouds to provide what ended up being the perfect finale to my final SPY event.

That day at the beach was crazy - the waves were rough - and for the first time in my life, I was scared of drowning in the ocean. Haha... when I swam back to shore my legs were sore and I couldn't breathe... and all I thought about was how much I wanted to have the energy to get through the break point and catch a decent wave. I'll learn how to surf eventually... ;o)

Crap... it's almost 3am and I'm getting up in 3.5 hours. Ooops...

Oh there's so much to say but not enough space and words to say it.

***

I'm going to miss you / I'm so proud of you / Thank you for all that you've been and done for me / I know God is listening to our prayers / Pray for me / I'll be praying for you / I'm afraid / I trust Him, so I know it'll be ok / You can always trust in Him / Don't doubt what you are capable of / I have faith in you and what you can do and become / You've inspired me to be better than what I was / You will improve / You'll grow / You'll learn to love more / And I promise... I'll do the same. ;o)

To all that I'm leaving behind - Praise God.

To all that I'm starting ahead - Trust God.

hey maggot bum - this one's for you!

My Hawaiian Name is:

Lanikai Kiana

What's your Hawaiian Name?

My Superhero Profile

My Superhero Name is The Green Ranger My Superpower is Nanotechnology My Weakness is Frogs My Weapon is my Poison Pistol My Mode of Transportation is Pony

What's your Superhero Name?

And finally... apparently I'm this type of candy... hahaha... =p

Gummy Bears

You may be smooshie and taste unnatural, but you're so darn cute.

What Kind of Candy Are You?

nos·tal·gi·a (nŏ-stăl'jə, nə-)

1. A bittersweet longing for things, persons, or situations of the past.
2. The condition of being homesick; homesickness.

*******
Somethin' in your eyes, makes me wanna lose myself
Makes me wanna lose myself, in your arms
There's somethin' in your voice, makes my heart beat fast
Hope this feeling lasts, the rest of my life

If you knew how lonely my life has been
And how long I've been so alone
And if you knew how I wanted someone to come along
And change my life the way you've done

It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way back where I come from
It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong

A window breaks, down a long, dark street
And a siren wails in the night
But I'm alright, 'cause I have you here with me
And I can almost see, through the dark there is light

Well, if you knew how much this moment means to me
And how long I've waited for your touch
And if you knew how happy you are making me
I never thought that I'd love anyone so much

It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way the back where I come from
It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong
It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong

*******

I found a crate of things from World Youth Day that I'd stashed under my bed when I got home from the trip and forgotten about - until tonight. A couple of painstaking hours of sorting resulted in a bulging purple photo album full of everything but photos - ticket stubs, boarding passes, postcards, toilet receipts (yes you lose a lot of Euros just because you need to empty your bladder), food coupons, train tickets, prayers from the gazillion churches and cathedrals that we visited, and the "We Will Rock You" program from London. And all of a sudden it's past 2am. How did that happen?

Now I'm figuring out what I'm going to do in my remaining five days. Lets see now...
- there's the filing that I just don't want to touch.
- getting ready for uni (i.e. buying my books... OR getting Nereus to buy my books)
- preparing the agenda for the SPY camp
- writing the Christmas/New Year edition of "inSPYrd" - my final editorial hoorah of my first every regular youth publication (exciting or depressing? I don't know...)
- Finish Edwin's "farewell" gift which was meant to be a Christmas gift but was delayed in its completion
- BAKE COOKIES
- Celebrate the New Year (hmm... no big plans.. anyone got suggestions?)
- Learn how to cook something other than cookies
- Apologise to my roomie for being such a bitch tonight. I don't think I've ever brushed her off like that... but I'm just sick of not having my own space. Nez warned me that since I'm going to have pah-lenty of space next year, I should be careful... but sometimes my emotions need to be breathe. And since I feel so suffocated every time I'm home, I try to escape as often as possible. I wonder how long it'll take me to get home sick next year??
- Write looong thank you letters to my mates. I found three letters that I got just before I left for WYD (actually, I received two before WYD... Ian's letter arrived on the cruise ship somewhere between Rhodes and Kusadasi c/o of Mush) - and suddenly I had heart-pains. Heart pains because I was never good at embracing change... and next year, it feels like a lot of things are gonna change.

Things not to forget to bring:
- Eeyore stuffed toy that reminds me fondly of the three boys that pitched in to buy it for me for Christmas last year... *sniff*
- A pillow
- A laundry basket
- Guitar picks
- My sanity
- Humility

Things to leave behind:
- Enormous collection of unnecessary handbags
- My comfort zones
- This awful fear that seems to be growing more and more everyday.

*******

Dear God, I feel like I'm waiting I've been standing on the pier for an awfully long time. I'm starting to get a bit sea-sick. I keep watching the waves with the hope that they carry me away... but at the same time I don't want to leave the safety of this harbour. I don't want to wave goodbye to the shores. But I promised I would... and I made that promise knowing that I'd be letting go of a lot. But why did it have to get harder? Why is there more to let go of now than there was when I made the choice to board this boat? Why couldn't I have just packed my belongings and all the strings attached to this heart of mine a month ago?

Please remind me that you're travelling with me. That you're holding my hand through all of this. That you and I are making this voyage together and there isn't a moment in this where I'm alone. Sometimes I feel suffocated... and at other times I feel so isolated. I feel like I've lost you in a crowd. I got distracted and let go of you, and now I'm wondering how I lost you and why I was stupid enough to let go. The discomfort and the panic is starting to sink in. I see familiar faces, I hear familiar voices... but right now... all I want is You.

Please take my hand again. Take me into your arms and let me crawl in there for a while so I can cry. If you want, feel free to carry me onto this boat... because I don't think I can walk onto it alone. My confidence is shaky, and I'm scared I'll lose you in the crowd again.

And that's just it... I don't want to lose You. I don't want to walk away from You. I want to hold onto You as tightly as I can, and take this journey with You. So please take my hand again. Take my heart and all its brokenness, its fears, its dreams, its hopes, its aspirations... and replace it with all that You want and all that You plan. Map out our voyage using Your directions. I'll let You choose the people who'll join us on this boat.

Please take my hand again. Please take me home.

Your Joy.

guard the beat like the rhythm is your life

I don't really like giving advice. But people ask me for advice, and then I wonder why they heck they ask me because I don't even listen to myself when I'm supposed to... But here it is anyway: the advice I should have given me before I started walking down a path I knew led to a dead end... for the sake of those who are trying to avoid pot-holes and other such mishaps.

Be careful.
Be honest.
Be true to yourself and what you know you deserve.
Don't cut corners.
Don't compromise your dignity.
Don't say yes when your heart is hesitating.
Nothing is worth less than your best.
Tell the truth about who you are... even if you don't like it. God loves it.
For the true ability to give and get, you must learn to forgive and forget.
Sometimes the biggest risk is to take no risk at all.
There is only one thing that has lasted for all of eternity. Don't be stupid enough to love anything else with your entire heart.
Faithfulness is accomplishing a journey with little steps. Those who try to take giant leaps get tired and fall.
Understand and accept your weaknesses. Everyone has them.

Guard your heart - it beats the rhythm to your life.

See people too often forget that actions speak louder than words. So you can say that you care... but if you don't act like you care, then to hell with those words. Don't cheapen the English language by not acting on their meaning. It annoys the hell out of me. *sigh* I guess the thing is some people just don't think about how their actions could be interpreted.

I feel like a squashed spider tangled up in my own web.

naked bedroom walls

I could have washed a small puppy with the amount of sweat that was dripping from my skin about five minutes ago... assuming that I had a puppy of course. And I doubt perspiration is very hygenic... but it seems that there is a sauna disguised as my bedroom upstairs, and it's not a very inviting place to be at the moment.

This heat makes the things on my to-do list somewhat difficult to achieve - instead of vacuuming the horribly dusty corners of that freaky space otherwise known as Under My Bed, I'm sitting directly under the airconditioning system in the computer room. And instead of packing, I've just transfered all the junk that was once upstairs in my sauna/bedroom into the living room. *sigh* And the trouble is figuring out just what I'm supposed to pack.

I just re-read Lydon's introductory letter to the mission team: Next year will be a fantastic year of mission, and it is really important to leave distractions behind, to focus on Jesus who will get us through, and help us fight the good fight.

So what counts as a "distraction" exactly? I can name a few... but not publicly. I'm having enough difficulty trying to un-kerfuffle the emotional overload that the Christmas season brought with it and left behind in my brain. Family. Friends. More-than-but-not-really-"just-friends". Work. YFC.

...My bedroom walls look bare and depressing. I'm one of those girls who like to cover walls with as much sentimental stuff as I possibly can to remind me of good times, hopeful eras and joyful moments. Now those sentimental belongings are in a box on top of my desk. Bible passages, inspirational quotes, photos, paintings. I was trying to decide whether or not to move my pin-board from this bedroom to the Clovelly bedroom, because it has my world map on it. Trying to figure out what to hang onto and what to let go of is a tough decision. For the past three days I've been muttering "simplify your life... simplify your life..." as I discard broken belongings, broken memories, and unnecessary items from the clutter that is my bedroom. Today I discovered three dried roses pinned to the sides of my whiteboard and totally forgot who had given them to me and for what occassion - a sure sign that they too now belong in the black garbage bag.

There's not much else I need to pack so I can cart them off to the mission house next week. But there is a lot of things I want to pack away and seal with heavy-duty duck tape. Like that ugly pile of filing that is now sitting on top of the organ. And my uni ... stuff. (I was about to write "uni crap" but that's just mean isn't it?) But I can't really pack that away just yet. I've got one more subject to go and that starts in less than three weeks. I guess the good news is that one month from now, I should have completed the last subject of my degree. Whoopteedoooo!!!

Then there's all my YFC files. Talk outlines. Reflections. Conference and retreat memorabilia. Photos. Activities and games archives. *sigh* I could dedicate a whole new blog to the life I had in YFC. I cried bucket-loads the night we had the West Upper Household Christmas party... not because I was sad... but because it finally hit me that I was letting go of something that has been an enormous part of my life since I was in 9th grade. This must be how to feels to donate an kidney or some other body organ. You know... give it up for bigger and better things, for the benefit of other people... despite the risks involved, the pain of the surgery, or permanent feeling that you're just not quite yourself anymore.

Then of course there's SPY. I was about to get teary on Christmas Eve, until I realised I must be the luckiest Youth Coordinator to be working with so many fun, faithful and talented people. And it's not the success of the group that makes my heart swell. It's seeing them learn how to love that makes me so happy. You know how rare it is to witness such profound changes? People walk past those miracles everyday. But I got to watch it, work with it and have it work in me for two and a half years. It'll kill me to pull down all those photos on my office door though. It's funny how attached I am... but if you meet these kids, you'll understand why.

The tide is changing in the life of joyous_skitz. My family doesn't seem to think this is a big deal since I can come back on weekends. But coming back home isn't particularly appealing since I'm hardly at home anyway... it's everything else that I'm saying goodbye to that will make 2006 so different. Studies, my youth group, my service, my job, my friends.

The things that once piled on top of a plate that people thought was so difficult to balance are all finally clearing away for a platter with a very different size and serving. Will I be left hungry? I doubt it... but I'm still freakin scared.

At least my room in Clovelly won't be so naked. ;o)

"i shall call him squishy and he shall be mine... and he shall be my squishy (Dory - from Finding Nemo)

One of my favouritist things to do is to lie belly down on my bed and write. Or read. Or sleep. Anything that takes very little effort. At the moment Roanne is singing "A you're adorable, B you're so beautiful, C you're a cutie full of chaaarm..." Hahaha... thanks sis. You weirdo. That's why I love you and that's why we get along.

Recently I discovered the maddest play-friend neighbour who has just as much fun throwing pop-rocks on the ground as I do. =) I like people who I can have childish fun with. Soon I will introduce him to the magic of popping candy and Choose-Your-Own-Adventure books. I think I shall call him Squishy. He's one of those people who I wanna chase around the backyard, bash up and laugh at - but only because he's fun to be around. There is one side of him that is childishly ignorant and vague, whilst another is maliciously in-the-know - and he uses his in-the-know powers to win fights against me. Yesterday he gave me the most incredulous look because of the uncanny level of excitement I had from a simple Toys R Us balloon. I explained to him that it doesn't take much to make me happy - give me 5 minutes of childhood memories and I will keep smiling for the entire day.

Another recent discovery (or really it was a re-discovery or re-realisation) is my theory of the source of most of our uncomfortability and frustration is that we just don't belong here. We weren't made to be here... we belong somewhere much better.

Perhaps that's why I find so much satisfaction when I think of being a kid again. Back at our old 1 storey house, my backyard was anything from my bike track to a Amazon forest, and 18th century town, a jungle full of fierce pagan warriors or even heaven (I do remember pretending that the clothes line was God's throne once...) Kids have the right idea when they play make-believe because it's like they're acting out the very instinct that they're not meant to be on this earth... that there's something more exciting and fantastic elsewhere, beyond our reach but very close to our fingertips.

I often wonder how God feels when he watches us try and try to make things more comfortable and more convenient for ourselves. Part of me thinks he is laughing at our futile attempts. Another part of me thinks he is heartbroken, because so many people don't realise that the answer to all our discomfort and frustration is going to be born in just under two weeks.

Anyway, back to this play friend of mine - Squishy. I swear this guy is hilarious. Cute and sometimes a bit on the quiet side... but mainly hilarious. Reminds me to keep things simple. To appreciate things like chocolate ice cream, enormous mangoes for dessert, and music by bands I haven't discovered yet.

I often wonder what will happen when this friend of mine grows up, and if things will be the same or feel the same when he realises that I'm in my twenties and still facinated by Disney movies and Widget the World Watcher. I wonder what he'll think of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles when he turns 30. Or if he'll even remember those things of childhood. Like those bands you slapped onto your wrists, and hyper-colour t-shirts and the basketball ring in his backyard (one thing I always asked for but never actually got... what a shame!)

In the midst of our laughable conversations I ask him, "What on earth am I going to do with you?!" and he shyly replies with, "Uh...Pray?" And my heart melts and I smile and say a prayer about him growing up so one day I can give him hugs on the couch and we can watch TV without having to worry about what time he has to go home.

See the laughable (but award winning!) REV project.
Check out the guitarist and the student - they're my favourites.
Well done team... this won't be up for long, so for those who actually are interested... enjoy. Watch out coz you'll need your volume up and a fast d/load speed. Buhahaha...

tonight's unfortunate anti-climax

It is soooo not cool when people ruin good moments and good conversations with unneccesary fits of rage and screaming. Today was a tiring, but altogether good day. Almost uglyfied by elder-sisterly complaints about things that don't need to be yelled about. *sigh*

So here's today's "perfect family moment" - my parents and I went to watch Harry Potter. Too bad siblings #2 and 3 weren't there, because that would've made it ultra-perfect. But yeah... I don't think I've ever watched a movie with my parents. So that's one tick on Joy's "wish list" right there. Yeah yeah... so that was on my wish list. Is that so weird? If it is, I'm not apologising - I like hanging with my paroes. But only when they're in a happy, childish mood. Unfortunately, that's a rare occassion. But I suppose rarity makes us appreciate these things more.

I realised last night that my life is very much akin to the beach. Perhaps that's why I enjoy trips there so much. Sometimes the waves are soft and gentle, and they curl onto the sand like a teasing invitation to test their depths. And at other times, when I foolishly wade into deeper waters, the waves drag me into overpowering currents, and I am suddenly ycaught in a rip without the necessary swimming skill to get mself out. There has only been one Life Guard strong enough to have braved all tides with me throughout my lifetime. I'm almost definite that I don't need to mention His name.

This morning I felt like a tsunami had drowned me in my sleep. My neck was aching and my muscles were stiff. And all I could think about was the amount of filing under my office desk. Yuck. But morning Mass and the McDonald's breakfast tradition lifted my spirits. (I'm sure the mocha with a double shot of chocolate had something to do with my energy too).

Right now the critical battery sign has popped up on my laptop so I should hit the sack and catch some zzzs. *rolls eyes at lack of originality*

I can't believe there are less than 3 weeks of 2006 left. How did it escape so quickly? Will next year roll by at full speed too? What will the waves have in store... and what will I leave behind on the safety of my shore? What harbour will I be docked on in 365 days? Only God knows...

Oh God... I'm so tired. I was never good at treading water, but now it feels like I'm stranded with no lifeboat and the seagulls are making ugly noises and circling me with the threat to poop on my head. =(

I realised I haven't been blogging because there have been real human ears to spend therapeautic venting time with. I listen to his lame jokes and he listens to my ridiculously childish stories that don't go anywhere. And like every other story on this blog, this entry has gone no-where.

Adios and good night!