What an eventful month November has been... I suppose my head has been spinning with so much new information that I haven't had much of a chance to get it all down. In summary:
At the moment:
* Looking up new laptop to purchase. Not so sure if I should get an Apple or a PC. It's a never-ending debate... and it's a tough one to find a winner to.
* Sorting through 2nd-round university applications. I've sent one to Notre Dame for a Diploma of Education (secondary). I'm mulling over sending one to Sydney Uni for my Masters (something media-related).
* Just read through a UTS information pack (Business).
* Surrounded by: Ferrero Rochers (courtesy of Edwin Adan), documents from work, application forms galore, Lipton Apple Green Tea, clean laundry that needs to be folded, an empty box of NERDS, red roses (also courtesy of Mr Adan), an unmade bed... and a bedroom that needs to be vacuumed.
In the last three weeks I:
* Resigned. Yup - you all knew it was coming. Even then it was probably the toughest decision I've ever made - how do you let go of something that you love but causes you so much grief? At the end of the day I based my decision on the need to distance myself from the things that were causing me stress and pain, and the need to spend my time pursuing things that would ultimately make me happy and peaceful. Final date in the office is Fri Dec 28.
* Was in a car accident. It happened last Wednesday night on my way home from work. Someone in a white sedan merged from the right lane into the middle lane as I was trying to the same thing. When I went back to my lane to avoid them they merged into the left lane too, forcing me to drive onto the shoulder. I lost control of the car, hit the guard rail, did a few fishies and spun across three lanes and onto the right hand shoulder. Lucky it was past 10pm and there wasn't enough traffic to hit or be hit by. But the whole incident has left me shaken, stressed, and feeling somewhat attacked. The total damage to the car tallied up to approx $9,000 (great) and leaves me without a vehicle for the next three weeks. All because someone else felt like speeding on the motorway and cutting across three lanes. And no one stopped to help me either.
* Performed in a girl band. (Act of Faith)
* Finished the final sessions of the CFC Singles for Christ CLP (graduation is this Friday).
* Saved enough dosh for the NZ trip but not enough to actually buy anyone decent Christmas presents. (sorry in advance).
* Have had recurring daydreams about having a lazy month of January. i.e. no work and all play. The fact that I've failed in the savings department may make that daydream hard to turn into reality, but we'll see what happens ay?
* Partied and celebrated the feeling of freedom. Such events include Fr Warren's house-warming BBQ + Beth, Bic and Sarah's 21st.
* Enjoyed Terrigal Beach and the comfort of friendships that can stay the same - even if it's been a year since we've all been together.
Now I'm darker, free-er... and perhaps slightly more anxious. I hope I never forget how free and peaceful I did feel that week I resigned. I'd prayed about it for such a long time, and for the first time in months felt God's hand guiding me to something exhilarating and uniquely written for me. The stress of the car accident, together with how things at work never going as planned, have dampened that spirit of freedom... but I refuse to let it weigh me down.
Next year is a new chapter, a blank canvas... I can see a whole heap of things that can wrong - but a gazillion things that can also go right. And all I need to do is pray for faith and guidance... and the ability to create a decent conclusion to the chapter that is 2007.
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
The "Let's-Start-Saving" Wish-List
1. My car.
2. A high definition video camera.
3. A new laptop.
4. A new monitor.
5. Multimedia software.
6. An apartment to live in.
7. MBA
2. A high definition video camera.
3. A new laptop.
4. A new monitor.
5. Multimedia software.
6. An apartment to live in.
7. MBA
Wednesday, November 07, 2007
Dear Lord
I'm really angry. And hurt. Angry and hurt. Seems like the same two feelings come around almost every day now. I feel like today would be my last straw. After receiving that phone call with some pretty selfish and f*d up news, I really just want to crawl in bed, resign from my job, and sign up for uni next year... or get myself a better job. Instead of this f*d up political shit that really just makes me sad.
Matt called me and said, "Forgive them for they know not what they do." Your words right? Hmm... one day I'll put them into practice.
Just not right now.
I'm really angry. And hurt. Angry and hurt. Seems like the same two feelings come around almost every day now. I feel like today would be my last straw. After receiving that phone call with some pretty selfish and f*d up news, I really just want to crawl in bed, resign from my job, and sign up for uni next year... or get myself a better job. Instead of this f*d up political shit that really just makes me sad.
Matt called me and said, "Forgive them for they know not what they do." Your words right? Hmm... one day I'll put them into practice.
Just not right now.
Monday, November 05, 2007
I'm sitting at a dining room table. It was a red table cloth. Our BRAVO DVD publisher is working away and I'm sitting here trying to get creative. It's hard. Plus my email system seems to be down. I'll have lunch eventually... but lunch makes me sleepy - I'm not sure it'll work out in my benefit. But I do have creamy carbonara spaghetti waiting for me. It's sitting in my bag next to a fruit salad.
I can't believe the weekend flew by so quickly. I'm not even sure what I did for those 48 hours...
Oh that's right... Friday night was talk 7 of the CLP. (I think it was talk 7). Who knows how many weeks it's been... but the weeks have flown by, so it must mean it's a good program. Saturday was a visit to the doctor after discovering how bruised my toenails were after removing three week's worth of purple nail polish. What? You've never had bruised toenails? Lucky you! It seems like my feet have had their own medical record. A couple of years back a really heavy photo frame fell on my right foot and left a scar. I think a few nails have broken (off) several times. Don't worry -they always grow back. Nicer and neater than before... except for maybe my pinky toes, which will always look a bit funny. My poor feet... which are too big and keep on growing, even though the rest of me doesn't (I feel rorted - wouldn't you?).
Anyway, on Saturday morning during breakfast with the parents I mentioned how, to my dismay, my toenail still didn't look right (it was damaged because I was stupid enough to wear shoes that were too small during a 14km run). Please keep in mind, I never get any sympathy from my parents when I get ill, wounded or emotionally scarred. Instead, I got a lecture about how stupid and irresponsible I am, and how I should go to the doctor before my feet fall off.
So I drove into town, wasted half an hour in the waiting room, and told the doctor the truth - that I wasn't going to waste her time but my mother insisted I get my funny looking toenail sussed out by a professional. Her advice? Use nail polish to cover it up and wait patiently for it to grow. The same prescription I give myself every other time my precious toenails on my overgrown feet get crushed, smashed, broken or bruised. *sigh* (waste of a Saturday afternoon.)
After a few confusing minutes in Priceline (where I tried to find the perfect shade of nail enamel), I drove home to paint my nails. I've always been terrible at painting my nails. But now they're done. And according to the REVLON saleslady, the stuff should last for at least 10 days. Pfft -whatever. I drove to Video Ezy and back and they were already scuffed.
At some stage in the evening, we had dinner with the whole family. Like... the whole family. Mum, Dad, Annabelle, her fiance (Chu), her fiance's sister, Jean, her husband (Mark), their gorgeous little bubba Caitlyn, Rina, Roanne, Eddoes, and myself. All crowded around at our tiny little kitchen table feasting on garlic pizza, spaghetti, crab, pizza with strange toppings (like carrot or brocolli), prawnsm, squid, and a nice big bottle of Coke Zero. And fruit for dessert. Yummy! Then we ventured to the living room for a few hours of Wii-family fun. It was hilarious watching our personalised little characters on screen smashing tennis records, bowling strikes, and putting well above par. I am absolutely terrible at Wii baseball. And Edwin has managed to figure out a way of kicking my ass at tennis with a flick of a wrist. No fair, I say.
After a few hours of TV exercise, Chu blew out his birthday candles (with a lot of help from Caitlyn), and opened a large assortment of gifts. It was cool... I figure you're officially part of the family once we chuck a party for you. Not long til they're married... how exciting.
Sunday called for an early wake-up due to our monthly dose of Mass singing. We got to the church and realised we'd forgotten the guitar. I say "we" because the guitar was in my living room, and both of us, in our hurry to get to the church on time, forgot to actually pick it up and put it in the boot. So in our half-asleep zombie-like trance, Edwin drove back and we made it to Mass about 5 minutes before the opening song. We're pros I tell ya!
I think lazy Sundays are the best. We breakfasted at Maccas with half of the choir (memories of the good ol' days when we had at least 10 people show up for 8:45am Masses... and breakfast was a must for all). Then I spent half the day half asleep. Watched Heroes, Knocked Up, had fish and chips for lunch and pizza for dinner (oh that amount of oil makes me feel sick thinking about it...) and ran a two hour multimedia workshop as part of Leader's Training.
Now I'm just.... out of creative energy. And I've wasted half my lunch break blogging. I wonder if Coleen or Luke still blog. I should waste my time reading their ones instead of filling up mine...
I can't believe the weekend flew by so quickly. I'm not even sure what I did for those 48 hours...
Oh that's right... Friday night was talk 7 of the CLP. (I think it was talk 7). Who knows how many weeks it's been... but the weeks have flown by, so it must mean it's a good program. Saturday was a visit to the doctor after discovering how bruised my toenails were after removing three week's worth of purple nail polish. What? You've never had bruised toenails? Lucky you! It seems like my feet have had their own medical record. A couple of years back a really heavy photo frame fell on my right foot and left a scar. I think a few nails have broken (off) several times. Don't worry -they always grow back. Nicer and neater than before... except for maybe my pinky toes, which will always look a bit funny. My poor feet... which are too big and keep on growing, even though the rest of me doesn't (I feel rorted - wouldn't you?).
Anyway, on Saturday morning during breakfast with the parents I mentioned how, to my dismay, my toenail still didn't look right (it was damaged because I was stupid enough to wear shoes that were too small during a 14km run). Please keep in mind, I never get any sympathy from my parents when I get ill, wounded or emotionally scarred. Instead, I got a lecture about how stupid and irresponsible I am, and how I should go to the doctor before my feet fall off.
So I drove into town, wasted half an hour in the waiting room, and told the doctor the truth - that I wasn't going to waste her time but my mother insisted I get my funny looking toenail sussed out by a professional. Her advice? Use nail polish to cover it up and wait patiently for it to grow. The same prescription I give myself every other time my precious toenails on my overgrown feet get crushed, smashed, broken or bruised. *sigh* (waste of a Saturday afternoon.)
After a few confusing minutes in Priceline (where I tried to find the perfect shade of nail enamel), I drove home to paint my nails. I've always been terrible at painting my nails. But now they're done. And according to the REVLON saleslady, the stuff should last for at least 10 days. Pfft -whatever. I drove to Video Ezy and back and they were already scuffed.
At some stage in the evening, we had dinner with the whole family. Like... the whole family. Mum, Dad, Annabelle, her fiance (Chu), her fiance's sister, Jean, her husband (Mark), their gorgeous little bubba Caitlyn, Rina, Roanne, Eddoes, and myself. All crowded around at our tiny little kitchen table feasting on garlic pizza, spaghetti, crab, pizza with strange toppings (like carrot or brocolli), prawnsm, squid, and a nice big bottle of Coke Zero. And fruit for dessert. Yummy! Then we ventured to the living room for a few hours of Wii-family fun. It was hilarious watching our personalised little characters on screen smashing tennis records, bowling strikes, and putting well above par. I am absolutely terrible at Wii baseball. And Edwin has managed to figure out a way of kicking my ass at tennis with a flick of a wrist. No fair, I say.
After a few hours of TV exercise, Chu blew out his birthday candles (with a lot of help from Caitlyn), and opened a large assortment of gifts. It was cool... I figure you're officially part of the family once we chuck a party for you. Not long til they're married... how exciting.
Sunday called for an early wake-up due to our monthly dose of Mass singing. We got to the church and realised we'd forgotten the guitar. I say "we" because the guitar was in my living room, and both of us, in our hurry to get to the church on time, forgot to actually pick it up and put it in the boot. So in our half-asleep zombie-like trance, Edwin drove back and we made it to Mass about 5 minutes before the opening song. We're pros I tell ya!
I think lazy Sundays are the best. We breakfasted at Maccas with half of the choir (memories of the good ol' days when we had at least 10 people show up for 8:45am Masses... and breakfast was a must for all). Then I spent half the day half asleep. Watched Heroes, Knocked Up, had fish and chips for lunch and pizza for dinner (oh that amount of oil makes me feel sick thinking about it...) and ran a two hour multimedia workshop as part of Leader's Training.
Now I'm just.... out of creative energy. And I've wasted half my lunch break blogging. I wonder if Coleen or Luke still blog. I should waste my time reading their ones instead of filling up mine...
Thursday, November 01, 2007
my love affair with tzatziki
My stomach feels so bloated right now, and I'm about to drop into a very deep sleep.
After purchasing some random goodies for Vincent's birthday present, I decided to treat myself to my much loved garlic-fix: tzatziki dip (teamed with garlic bagel crisps, this stuff gives you deadly breath but ultra-satisfied taste buds).
Give-away behaviour that proves tzatziki dip is up their amongst the other loves of my life:
1. When in the right mood, I'll happily rip open the bag of bagel crisps and begin to dip into the tzatziki long before I've even gotten into the drivers seat of my car. Today I'd eaten four or five mouthfuls before I'd pulled out of the carpark.
2. I will happily enjoy this unhealthy snack whilst driving, despite the possible dangers of collision.
3. I have no qualms about the pending bad breath this dip will give me. And yes... it can get very bad.
4. It makes me happy. Very happy.
After purchasing some random goodies for Vincent's birthday present, I decided to treat myself to my much loved garlic-fix: tzatziki dip (teamed with garlic bagel crisps, this stuff gives you deadly breath but ultra-satisfied taste buds).
Give-away behaviour that proves tzatziki dip is up their amongst the other loves of my life:
1. When in the right mood, I'll happily rip open the bag of bagel crisps and begin to dip into the tzatziki long before I've even gotten into the drivers seat of my car. Today I'd eaten four or five mouthfuls before I'd pulled out of the carpark.
2. I will happily enjoy this unhealthy snack whilst driving, despite the possible dangers of collision.
3. I have no qualms about the pending bad breath this dip will give me. And yes... it can get very bad.
4. It makes me happy. Very happy.
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
I'm sick. I know that may not be news to some (I'm generally a pretty sickly person - I've never had a strong immune system). Today it was something fluey... for a week I've thought it was hay fever... but I woke up today feeling like a truck had run me over and left green mucus-like debris in my nose. Even after two doses of antibiotics it still hurts when I cough... or laugh. My lungs just don't like breathing right now. I am cringing at the thought of going to work tomorrow... so I probably won't. Not out of laziness, but simply because if I take the 2 hour commute to my desk and stare at my screen for 8 hours, then travel another 2 hours to get home, I will hate both myself for wasting 4 hours of my day when I could have spent them recovering, and end up hating my boss and my job for making me feel that wasting that precious recovery time was necessary. Therefore: better to rest up and work from home (if I actually wake up and find muscle energy to get out of bed), than waste a day staring at the screen, Facebooking.
On a much more happier note, my Dad turned 70 today (or yesterday, since it's already past midnight). It was such a joyous and funny occassion; Caitlyn is the life of the party, and we enjoyed all-you-can-eat seafood at Four Points Sheraton, near Kings St Wharf. Then we did the whole present-opening thing at my place... which was just as entertaining. By the end of the present-opening and photo-taking I was hungry again... despite having downed about 10 oysters, a lobster, salmon, salad, chicken with tomato pesto sauce, and an entire plate of chocolate desserts. (I was so excited when I got to the restaurant that I forgot to take my medicine... which in retrospect wasn't such a bad move because I think it made me throw up my lunch this afternoon when I took my first dose.)
I also wore the $60 dress (Sunday's impulse purchase, that my Mum tried so desperately to make me return, for fear of my credit card bill. When I told her I didn't actually use my credit card but my savings instead, she was even more mortified), and to my dismay realised it shows a hellavalot of cleavage. (Not that that will stop me from wearing it.) I bow my head in shame because my wardrobe is definitely sporting a larger range of clothing that show off more and more skin - E.g. the pin-striped (short) shorts I bought last April for the trip to NZ that I vowed only to ever wear when swimming have now become regular shopping attire. Last time I wore them out, Ian asked me "Joy, where are the rest of your pants?"... then he complimented me on my tan, so I wasn't particularly phased by the first comment.
I'm thirsting for a swim and the beach... but time has not allowed for such luxuries. I'm sure these joy-giving pleasures of my Summer-loving life are not too far from the corner. In the meantime I will remain content practicing for the Act of Faith performance (yes, I'm in a band and yes, there is an embarrassing gig scheduled in for November 10... or maybe 11... don't know), taking silly photos of Caitlyn, and hanging with my boyfriend... who is getting sweeter and more hilarious by the day. E.g. last Friday he got my tickets to watch Australian Idol live (sweet) and he also baked me chocolate muffins (sweet, but also hilarious -this is an in-joke that we have). I feasted on these scrumptious muffins for breakfast for two days (they only lasted that long - that's what happens when you live with two other girls.
There's also CLP on Fridays (something like... 5 or 6 weeks to go... oh my gosh; that's a bit crazy). I still can't believe I'm joining Singles for Christ. For years I was a faithful YFC-er; a leader even... but SFC? The name is both off-putting and misleading... and every time I mention it to someone I have to calmly explain that it's not a singles club - it's just the young adult version of YFC. i.e. "Singles" meaning not-married people/time of adulthood that can be dedicated to both exploring faith and serving others etc. etc.
And that's my life thus far. I keep telling myself I should:
1. Pray a lot more than I do. I'm getting REALLY lazy... which is bad... bad for me because prayer is uplifting and calming and much more productive than impulse shopping.
2. Start writing my book!!! Voices and thoughts and paragraphs form in my brain but never reach the paper. I've gotten so lazy in the last few years, and I feel like I haven't done anything truly creative in AGES.
3. Do something truly creative.
4. Stop complaining about my job... even though it is honestly such a great source of stress for me.
5. Save more money (i.e. refer to point #1)
I'm sure there are pah-lenty of other things I could do... but that's it for now. The night dosage is kicking in and I'm starting to breathe heavily... need sleep...
On a much more happier note, my Dad turned 70 today (or yesterday, since it's already past midnight). It was such a joyous and funny occassion; Caitlyn is the life of the party, and we enjoyed all-you-can-eat seafood at Four Points Sheraton, near Kings St Wharf. Then we did the whole present-opening thing at my place... which was just as entertaining. By the end of the present-opening and photo-taking I was hungry again... despite having downed about 10 oysters, a lobster, salmon, salad, chicken with tomato pesto sauce, and an entire plate of chocolate desserts. (I was so excited when I got to the restaurant that I forgot to take my medicine... which in retrospect wasn't such a bad move because I think it made me throw up my lunch this afternoon when I took my first dose.)
I also wore the $60 dress (Sunday's impulse purchase, that my Mum tried so desperately to make me return, for fear of my credit card bill. When I told her I didn't actually use my credit card but my savings instead, she was even more mortified), and to my dismay realised it shows a hellavalot of cleavage. (Not that that will stop me from wearing it.) I bow my head in shame because my wardrobe is definitely sporting a larger range of clothing that show off more and more skin - E.g. the pin-striped (short) shorts I bought last April for the trip to NZ that I vowed only to ever wear when swimming have now become regular shopping attire. Last time I wore them out, Ian asked me "Joy, where are the rest of your pants?"... then he complimented me on my tan, so I wasn't particularly phased by the first comment.
I'm thirsting for a swim and the beach... but time has not allowed for such luxuries. I'm sure these joy-giving pleasures of my Summer-loving life are not too far from the corner. In the meantime I will remain content practicing for the Act of Faith performance (yes, I'm in a band and yes, there is an embarrassing gig scheduled in for November 10... or maybe 11... don't know), taking silly photos of Caitlyn, and hanging with my boyfriend... who is getting sweeter and more hilarious by the day. E.g. last Friday he got my tickets to watch Australian Idol live (sweet) and he also baked me chocolate muffins (sweet, but also hilarious -this is an in-joke that we have). I feasted on these scrumptious muffins for breakfast for two days (they only lasted that long - that's what happens when you live with two other girls.
There's also CLP on Fridays (something like... 5 or 6 weeks to go... oh my gosh; that's a bit crazy). I still can't believe I'm joining Singles for Christ. For years I was a faithful YFC-er; a leader even... but SFC? The name is both off-putting and misleading... and every time I mention it to someone I have to calmly explain that it's not a singles club - it's just the young adult version of YFC. i.e. "Singles" meaning not-married people/time of adulthood that can be dedicated to both exploring faith and serving others etc. etc.
And that's my life thus far. I keep telling myself I should:
1. Pray a lot more than I do. I'm getting REALLY lazy... which is bad... bad for me because prayer is uplifting and calming and much more productive than impulse shopping.
2. Start writing my book!!! Voices and thoughts and paragraphs form in my brain but never reach the paper. I've gotten so lazy in the last few years, and I feel like I haven't done anything truly creative in AGES.
3. Do something truly creative.
4. Stop complaining about my job... even though it is honestly such a great source of stress for me.
5. Save more money (i.e. refer to point #1)
I'm sure there are pah-lenty of other things I could do... but that's it for now. The night dosage is kicking in and I'm starting to breathe heavily... need sleep...
Sunday, October 28, 2007
the rest is still unwritten (la dah di dah)
VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT F*N EXHAUSTED DIDN'T SLEEP TIL 6AM THIS MORNING. HAD AN AWESOME DAY AT FOX STUDIOS, WHCH ALMOST ENDED IN ME THROWING MY WORK LAPTOP AGAINST THE OFFICE WALL AT CYS HOUSE BECAUSE IM JUST SO OVER THIS WHOLE PROJECT WHICH I HAVEN'T RECEIVED MUCH HELP FROM. I'M PISSED OFF BUT TRYING TO STAY CALM - WISH I WAS ASLEEP BUT NEED TO GET THIS OUT OF MY SYSTEM BECAUSE I'LL HAVE NIGHTMARES ABOUT WORK AGAIN; THAT CANNOT POSSIBLY BE HEALTHY. ON A POSITIVE NOTE I ENJOYED A LAMB SOUVLAKI ROLL WITH TZATZIKI DIP (YUM!!) ON A GOOD (BUT NOT EXACTLY GREAT) NOTE, I BOUGHT A NEW DRESS. I AM SUCH A SUCKER TO PEER PRESSURE; IT COST E $59.95 BUT REALLY IT'S ONLY WORTH $5.00. OH WELL. STRAPLESS, WHITE WITH A BLUE PATTERN; PERFECT FOR THE BEACH IF I EVER GET AROUND TO GOING THERE. WORE IT WHILE I PRACTICED PLAYING GUITAR TODAY; MAKES ME FEEL HAPPY AND CAREFREE WHEN I'M WEARING IT... OH MAN I CAN'T STAND WHAT I'M DOING WITH MY LIFE SOMETIMES - I NEED TO FIND A MORE SATISFYING JOB VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT VENT
Monday, October 22, 2007
It's lunch time already (12:30pm). There is a 20month old baby (cutest thing I've ever seen) asleep on my bed, and it took me about 2 hours of my morning to get her into that peaceful state of slumber.
I keep procrastinating because I really DON'T want to produce this video. *sigh*
Now I'm hungry.
No Joy... don't eat lunch yet. Start the videos already!
I have a sudden craving for sago.
Before I log-off and beging the inevitable task of pulling together a few chapters of a promotional DVD, I thought I'd share a perfect moment of my weekend. (Apologies if this offends anyone who expecting myself or the boyfriend to help out at the GK One Day stalls yesterday... whoops!)
Spent yesterday afternoon after Mass sitting in Edwin's living room. His parents bought us kebabs for lunch and at about 2:30pm I was lying on his green couch reading the final chapters of the Marian Keyes book, Edwin had just finished the graphic novel prequel to the Transforms movie and was sitting a seat away with his feet up reading an I.T. mag, his mum was in the kitchen while his dad was in the rumpus room and both were reading different sections of the weekend newspaper. When I glanced up from the book my heart stopped for about ten seconds as I realised what a disgustingly perfect scene this was... Sunday afternoon in the coolness of a family living room, reading in peace, resting after a spectularly exhausting week, with unbreakable quiet. No screaming, no random requests to get something done, no pressure to be anywhere else or exert any energy.
SCARY.
I keep procrastinating because I really DON'T want to produce this video. *sigh*
Now I'm hungry.
No Joy... don't eat lunch yet. Start the videos already!
I have a sudden craving for sago.
Before I log-off and beging the inevitable task of pulling together a few chapters of a promotional DVD, I thought I'd share a perfect moment of my weekend. (Apologies if this offends anyone who expecting myself or the boyfriend to help out at the GK One Day stalls yesterday... whoops!)
Spent yesterday afternoon after Mass sitting in Edwin's living room. His parents bought us kebabs for lunch and at about 2:30pm I was lying on his green couch reading the final chapters of the Marian Keyes book, Edwin had just finished the graphic novel prequel to the Transforms movie and was sitting a seat away with his feet up reading an I.T. mag, his mum was in the kitchen while his dad was in the rumpus room and both were reading different sections of the weekend newspaper. When I glanced up from the book my heart stopped for about ten seconds as I realised what a disgustingly perfect scene this was... Sunday afternoon in the coolness of a family living room, reading in peace, resting after a spectularly exhausting week, with unbreakable quiet. No screaming, no random requests to get something done, no pressure to be anywhere else or exert any energy.
SCARY.
Thursday, October 18, 2007
"Why can't we love the right people? What is so wrong with us that we rush into situations to which we are manifestly unsuited, which will hurt us and others? Why are we given emotions that we cannot control? That move in exact contradiction to what we really want: We are walking conflicts, internal battles on legs, and if human beings were cars, we would return them for being faulty."
(p.188 "The Other Side of the Story" by Marian Keyes)
I'm sitting at work. 5:06pm, and I don't feel like getting on the train home just yet. Thursday evening... I could go shopping, but I've told myself to get over the need of buying something new for the sake of feeling secure, accomplished, or sexy. Materialism is just way over-rated. I've bought pair after pair of new shoes and don't feel any more wanted or any more loved than the next girl.
It's been an interesting few weeks back in Sydney. I would say that I miss being in Italy, but I don't. I'm enjoying being able to live in and accept the reality that is my life. I work full-time, and I know ten years from now, I will not regret spending two years of my life in this organisation or doing this type of work. I've learned a lot about how to deal with difficult people, how to build up good leaders, how to listen and be genuinely concerned, how to be thick-skinned and to the point when someone is messing with me.
I've also learned also learned that political games are full of bullshit and anyone who allows themselves to get suckered into the shit (especially AFTER they've been warned about losing all sense of value or morality) is an idiot.
I'm enjoying this Marian Keyes book because it's honest. There's a character in there (Jojo) who is having an affair with a married man. She knows its wrong, but there is something that she loves about the way he wants her. I read this book and think about the lives of these imaginary characters (all of whom I've developed a fondness of because I relate to all of them in one way of other, even though I've never had an affair with a married man).
At one stage Lily Wright asks: "Why do we have such a finite capacity for pleasure but an infinite one for pain?" I was walking to work this morning (late - again), I decided that this world is obsessed with sex because sex is physical proof that our bodies were made for pleasure. We have an inbuilt desire to be held, touched, loved, kissed and wanted. Generally, people don't want to walk around sad, distressed, depressed and alone. They want to be missed, desired and pined over... and when you get into a relationship with someone and realise that they want YOU... well - what a compliment. Not to say that sex is the answer to depression - if anything random sex with random people is eventually going to give you the opposite conclusion. You'll end up asking, "Why did they stop wanting me?" or "Why did they walk away?" or "If they were sincerely interested, why haven't they called?" and all the pointless insecurities that Satan likes to play games with will rise to the surface and instead of feeling loved you'll feel rejected, sad, distressed, depressed and alone (again).
So what to do this this desire for pleasure and satisfaction? What does one direct their energies towards if not a shallow, temporary union of two bodies in a passionate embrace? God only knows.
(p.188 "The Other Side of the Story" by Marian Keyes)
I'm sitting at work. 5:06pm, and I don't feel like getting on the train home just yet. Thursday evening... I could go shopping, but I've told myself to get over the need of buying something new for the sake of feeling secure, accomplished, or sexy. Materialism is just way over-rated. I've bought pair after pair of new shoes and don't feel any more wanted or any more loved than the next girl.
It's been an interesting few weeks back in Sydney. I would say that I miss being in Italy, but I don't. I'm enjoying being able to live in and accept the reality that is my life. I work full-time, and I know ten years from now, I will not regret spending two years of my life in this organisation or doing this type of work. I've learned a lot about how to deal with difficult people, how to build up good leaders, how to listen and be genuinely concerned, how to be thick-skinned and to the point when someone is messing with me.
I've also learned also learned that political games are full of bullshit and anyone who allows themselves to get suckered into the shit (especially AFTER they've been warned about losing all sense of value or morality) is an idiot.
I'm enjoying this Marian Keyes book because it's honest. There's a character in there (Jojo) who is having an affair with a married man. She knows its wrong, but there is something that she loves about the way he wants her. I read this book and think about the lives of these imaginary characters (all of whom I've developed a fondness of because I relate to all of them in one way of other, even though I've never had an affair with a married man).
At one stage Lily Wright asks: "Why do we have such a finite capacity for pleasure but an infinite one for pain?" I was walking to work this morning (late - again), I decided that this world is obsessed with sex because sex is physical proof that our bodies were made for pleasure. We have an inbuilt desire to be held, touched, loved, kissed and wanted. Generally, people don't want to walk around sad, distressed, depressed and alone. They want to be missed, desired and pined over... and when you get into a relationship with someone and realise that they want YOU... well - what a compliment. Not to say that sex is the answer to depression - if anything random sex with random people is eventually going to give you the opposite conclusion. You'll end up asking, "Why did they stop wanting me?" or "Why did they walk away?" or "If they were sincerely interested, why haven't they called?" and all the pointless insecurities that Satan likes to play games with will rise to the surface and instead of feeling loved you'll feel rejected, sad, distressed, depressed and alone (again).
So what to do this this desire for pleasure and satisfaction? What does one direct their energies towards if not a shallow, temporary union of two bodies in a passionate embrace? God only knows.
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
TodaY:
From door to desk: 2.5 hours. Traffic down the M7 was horrendous, and the WHOLE M2 was congested too. Yeeshk. Sucks when you think of how you could've just slept in and arrived at work at the same time... Far out. Lucky I prayed my guts out for parking.
I forgot: To bring the cable to convert the video footage I was meant to edit today. GARGGH!
But: It was hot today (gotta love the heat), and I get to have dinner on a fancy schmancy cruise... and possibly see Fran (YAY!) and *sigh* I'm just... wanting to crawl into bed right now.
Liking that: I had dinner with Eddoes last night and we watched Transformers (again). Glad we can bond over childhood memories like that.... hahaha.. my playfriend!! *spew*
I think I need to go for a looong ass walk down to Circular Quay.
I forgot: To bring the cable to convert the video footage I was meant to edit today. GARGGH!
But: It was hot today (gotta love the heat), and I get to have dinner on a fancy schmancy cruise... and possibly see Fran (YAY!) and *sigh* I'm just... wanting to crawl into bed right now.
Liking that: I had dinner with Eddoes last night and we watched Transformers (again). Glad we can bond over childhood memories like that.... hahaha.. my playfriend!! *spew*
I think I need to go for a looong ass walk down to Circular Quay.
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