cleaning out trash

I have an alien that lives in my laundry basket. I introduced it to a boy super hero who can run so fast he can run across water. His name is "Dash" and the alien's name is "Fusion."
I also have a donkey, a tiger and a rabbit that live on my bed.

Today we are cleaning out the garage, which has accumulated over a decade's worth of junk, even though we've only lived in this house for eight years. (Only my family could figure out how to achieve that!)

But I guess it's a good thing that we have so much stuff that we don't have anywhere to put it. Even if most of the stuff is broken, rotting or has managed to become the living quarters of rare species of insects.

My Mum is hilarious - she's got a sentimental attachment to a eleven-year-old duster. I was about to throw it away, but she won't part with it. And we just went through about seventy pairs of shoes... felt more like A HUNDRED and seventy - and I wouldn't be surprised if we do have that many hiding in the corners of the garage.

I made friends with a few spiders who were mourning over the bugs who's graves we've demolished during our cleaning spree. We are no-where near finishing, but it's a wonderful adventure going through old junk. You find a lifetime of stories, dust, memories and heirlooms - like my sister's first pair of platform shoes, a pair of hand-crafted slides and pink vintage heels that belong[ed] to my Mum.

Then of course there's the truck-load of boxes that never contain what the lable says. And the old stuffed toys, the old mattress, old clothes... old EVERYTHING. Hahahaha... I could write an encyclopedia set with what we've got in there.

Good times... good times!

late night navigation

I was told to make major decisions in a cemetery...

I figure we get caught up with problems because we think that they're going to have catastrophic repercussions, and that there is a chance that the world might fall apart if (God forbid) we push the wrong button, we let go of the wrong person, we say yes to right person, buy the wrong house, accept the wrong job... blargh blargh blargh..

And then I'm in the car driving down the M4 today and I realise that it really is too easy for God to fix up whatever it is we might have stuffed up.

I mean... he can't control our decisions. And it's true that we make bad ones sometimes. But I truly believe that He's watching over us, just wanting the best for us. So do we think He would leave us for dead? I guess the point is, God wouldn't...

So about that quote on top of this entry... making major decisions in a cemetery... I didn't always agree with that piece of advice, but today it sits well with my conscience and feeling, because in the presence of those who've passed away, we are aware that we too will one day do the same. And we may spend too much time worrying, regretting, hurting, pondering, wishing and wanting - when really, God entrusted us with a life that he'd like us to be LIVING.

Those who spend too much time looking in the rear-view mirror end up in a car accident. No matter how smooth, rough, pot-holed or forked our roads may be - to travel safely, we not only have to be paying attention to the direction in which we're going, but also be humble enough to slide to the passenger seat and let Jesus take hold of the wheel.

Who else would have better idea of the best routes to take?

I figure during this Christmas season... it's not so much the gifts we wrap or the cards we write - but the way we acknowledge that a little baby was born, so we might enjoy the life he died to save.

Peace on Earth... =)

with affection

What an awful day to go to the beach - rain rain and more rain. But I will say - the trip was well worth it.

But... anything is worth going through, if you end up realising that you have the best friends in the world... Y

I mean... if you can stay up for a late dinner of Asian take-out with a couple and not feel uncomfortable or that three's a crowd; you've got awesome friends.

If you call someone up because some weirdo is into your sister, and they come running to suss him out and protect her; you've got awesome friends.

If they pull over to help you unpack a drumkit - even when they have a hell of a long drive ahead of them; you've got awesome friends.

If they call you just before they leave for overseas and trust you to bank their cheques; you've got awesome friends.

If they walk into all the chic stores during a day of Christmas shopping; you've got awesome friends.

If they use up half their tank of petrol driving around on a Sunday night just to fulfill your desire to see a decent set of Christmas lights; you've got awesome friends.

If they come over on a Friday night and spend about almost two hours fixing your tech problems; you've got awesome friends.

If they laugh at your jokes that are sooo lame; you've got awesome friends.

If they make fools of themselves in front of a video camera; relive their favourite moments and reinact the funniest gestures just to sustain the memories; you've got awesome friends.

If your phone bill is well over the monthly plan because you forget to hang up at the end of free-time; you've got awesome friends.

If you find things to buy them - even when it's not Christmas or their birthday; you've got awesome friends.

If you find yourself praying for their dreams, and you realise they know all of yours; you have awesome friends.

Thank you God... for bringing in Your Son to show us what love is...

So we might know this feeling... so beautiful, so warm... and worth every bit of pain or confusion that gets us to where we are today.

Thank you God for your angels that dwell in my thoughts, are in my prayers and bunk in my heart. ;0)

click

)

Isn't it weird that there are some people in the world that you instantly click with... and others where you just don't?

Even weirder is when you used to click with someone, and then suddenly find out that you don't anymore...

What a devastation. Ah well.

The beauty of it all though?

Those that we click with provide the rhythm in our lives... and those who choose not to do so miss out on life's most beautiful, moving music...

two lanes

There is a section of the road that I live on that is actually two roads along the same strip – one section of the road is a main road and the other (separated by a grass) is part of a back-street.
If driving late at night or under influence of drowsiness, drugs, or alcohol, one might mistake it as a three-laned length of my road, with two lanes heading north and one lane heading south, as opposed to the normal two-lanes heading in opposite directions, with a backstreet running adjacent.
Accordingly, one might make the mistake of merging into the south lane, thinking they were in a lane heading north – and only until the lights and approaching or the cars start to beep at a ridiculously panicky rate, does one realise they are about to cause a head-on collision with the cars heading south.

Tonight my stomach is feeling like I just went through a head-on collision. Feels like moths are lying larvae in my intestines, as opposed to butterflies fluttering in my stomach.
Such is the painful version of jitters because I realised that relationships can only really function when communication is coming from both directions. One-way or one-sided conversations don’t register on a scale of effective communication when it comes to friendships – communication MUST happen on a TWO-WAY street, and damn it I am so close to getting fed up with being the only one to drive down this lonesome road.

Explain to me why logic appears to fail in the brain of a person I really did believe had a high IQ:: if misunderstanding and misinterpretation occurs due to a communication break-down, wouldn’t it thus be logical to fix the communication break-down? … uh… by… communicating?

It appears not.

Forgive my lack of sensitivity – I have people who have been doing their utmost best to convince me to just leave the brokenness where it is and stop driving down this same, tiresome, painful road to heartache. People who try to convince me that it’s pointless to continue a journey to a dead-end when there are obviously other roads to take. But stubborn little me, whilst I flick through my current edition of the road map, still drives down that stupid road.

Perhaps with the faint hope that I will see headlights that tell me this IS a two-way road and I’m actually heading somewhere…

mirror mirror

Ahh... I love the beach. Can't get enough of the water.
Spent the hottest day of the year at Coogee, roasting in the sun and learning how to boogie-board. There's something so awesome about the waves of the ocean. They are elastic enough to wrap themselves around me, but tenacious enough to hurl me topsy-turvy til I'm breathless.
That's another of God's weird creations. Who else could think of combining gentleness with strength?

Sometimes it's hard to be adaptable. So easy to stay put about opinions and what to think, how to act, how to feel. But I realised the people I admire the most... are those, who despite their masks and layers, are still completely comfortable in their own shell.

I really wish I knew how to do that. Despite all the wise words about being completely confident about how God made us... I think we will always be cursed with moments when we look in the mirror and not like what we see - both the physical and the interior.

I hate being my own worst enemy.

Good thing the waves can carry me. Reminds me of Borocay... reminds me of floating on still water. Reminds me of white sand. Reminds me of the overcast morning that cleared into the most beautiful day in the sun. Good thing God can carry me too.

Days like this. Days when I'm just disappointed in the people that I don't want to be disappointed by... I can only turn to one thing.

My God like the waves, who can gently wrap around me, knowing each curve and crevice... but still be strong enough to push me, lift me and carry me in the right direction.

ginkgo overdose

GINGKO: (herb) helps to enahnce mental alertness and improve memory, concentration and cognitive function.

****

Given that I only have 7 hours and 27 minutes until my exam starts... I'm wondering if its possible to OD on gingko... *just kidding!* ;o)

You see, i've calmly accepted the fact that whatever i didn't know this morning, i won't know tomorrow morning, unless God provides me some type of miraculous revelation. Thus, im staying up merely as a comfort... not because i know it'll help me pass my exam.
Surprisingly, despite the cynicism I've maintained over the past 13 weeks of study, I have derived ONE opinion from this semester:

ESSAY TITLE: JOY HATES ALL FORM OF ASSESSMENT.

At one point, I thought assessments were ok. And then I realised that it really just prolongs the excrutiating frustration that comes with exams; and the standard of literary achievement is higher than what one would compose under exam conditions.

And then at another point, I thought exams might be better - but really it is just pressure to communicate what one would normally write in an assessment, but with only about 1 zillionth of the time allocated.

In conclusion, both are equally as bad, and I detest them with equal passion.

References: Enriquez, J. (2004) It is easy to be brave, just from a safe distance. Inthemiddleofthenight Publishers Ltd., Desert Island, Random Ocean.

eh?

) maybe falling in love isn't the hard part...

It's falling in love with the person who'll love you the way you need to be loved...

- that's the tricky bit.

"First Love"

This is ridiculous - I get online to email me tutor about my assignment WHICH I STILL HAVEN'T HANDED IN - and here i am BLOGging for crying out loud!
But it's not that I'm in a pointless-let's-write-about-jiberrish-to-bore-the-reader-type mood... Actually, this morning I have something enlightening to say!

What a morning too... woke up in a bed (that wasn't mine) by a phone call from one of my coolest of friends - because she's about to board a plane to INDIA for two months! So I crawl out of bed to a landline phone, and explain to her that she interrupted a dream about me jamming the photo copier at a library (sign of what's to come??) ... and here I am - 3 hours later, after a shower, breakfast and lots of thinking and praying and procrastinating.

The point HOWEVER... is that the thinking and the praying I've been doing lately has led to quite a revelation. ;o)
All this talk about *crushes* and *likes* and *emotions* that flutter in and out of thoughts and dreams and heartache is all good fun - but before getting swept away in human attraction: I've been reminded in a recent reading NOT TO FORGET MY FIRST LOVE!!

So here goes: a dedication to the Man who won my heart - well before any boy did. ;o)

as i stepped into tonight, i felt your breath down my spine / i felt you hold me in your arms, and whisper “you are mine” / i stared up at the sky then watched them twinkle in your eyes / as i breathed in your sweet scent and listened to your sighs / you were knocking on my heart not too long ago / tugged at my emotions as you sung music to my soul / and only you can make the Summer air taste so sweet / only you can give me tingles as you sweep me off my feet / because you knew me from the start and you read between the lines / you pull back my defences and you break past all my lies / and you always gave me freedom to be open or to hide / never did you force your way, but i know you’ve tried / to offer me the type of peace and and everlasting joy / that i know i'll never find in any other boy /

as i stepped into tonight, i heard your voice calling to me / a gentle, sweet reminder that i am loved, that i am free / i watched you paint a masterpiece uniquely for my eyes / in the colours of the sunset, in the shades of the sky / i drive past all the flowers that you send me everyday / and read through your love letters where you shamelessly proclaim / i smile at each romantic gift you leave at my heart’s door / and lose myself in each embrace that makes my spirit soar /

as i stepped into tonight, i felt your hand holding my own / i felt you wrap yourself around my heart and prove i’m not alone / you spoke to me of all the gifts you’ve prepared and want to give / and all the love you want to show me each day that i live / and with each step i took i knew you were at my side / as my shield, as my protector, as my soldier, as my guide / and as i sit here dreaming what our future has in store / your whispers comfort me and remind you’ve planned more / sweet lover all these dreams of mine, i know you know so well / and whether these come true – i know time can only tell / but i see you in my future, just as you were in my past / because what you’ve offered me is one thing i know will last / eternal in its nature, in essence from above / my source of inspiration – my first and only LOVE.

thank you Jesus... my perfect boyfriend. =)

coleen-inspired

First: a luke-inspired quote:

Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering a kitchen at night, you should open the fridge door and use that light instead.

And then.. a colloes-inspired stream of thought...

[i know]: lots about pointless things but very little about practical things.

[i want]: a house on top of a hill, in front of a church, on a quiet street. So my kids can go to church whenever, sit on tope of the roof to admire the view, and learn how to ride their bikes on our quiet street. =)

[i have]: ten fingers and ten toes, but only nine complete toe-nails... hahahaha... ah crap!

[i wish]: for the right person at the right time...

[i hate]: hurting

[i miss]: being able to make up stories and games the way i used to when i was a kid, playing for hours in the backyard with my bike and a tic-tac box... which became anything and everything, from a camera, a memory box to a key to a secret dimension...

[i fear]: forgetting the beauty of being young at heart.

[i search]: for love in all the wrong places. [or people!]

[i love]: God and the life He gave for me that I get to live TODAY!!

[i care]: deeply, completely and totally... especially for friends.

[i do not always]: floss my teeth. *ahem*

[i write]: pointless letters, difficult journal entries, opiniated essays and descriptive nonsense.

[i listen]: to wind flying, birds laughing, beeping car-horns and friends who like to scream my name and live its meaning!

[i can usually be found]: on top of the world.

Me Against the Breeze

This afternoon I was on my bed, in that place somewhere in the middle of conciousness.. sleep.. dreams.. druel and.. I swear I dreamt that my phone was ringing... then suddenly I'm dreaming of someone beeping past my house and screaming something that vaguely sounded like my name but really sounded like "JGCHJOOAAHHHAIIIY!!!"

And then I wake up to Roanne flicking on the bedroom light, it's 7-something PM, I find a missed call on my mobile and *kaboom!* it was really Ian. =)

Now I'm on the Net and I swear I should either have spent my night
a) swimming
b) going for a looong walk in a Summer-smelling evening
c) researching for my AHST209 tutorial paper or
d) SLEEPING

BLaRGHH!!!

flavour of the week ;o)

If tomorrow never comes,
I’d want you to know,
there is so much that I see in you
that you never knew you showed.

This started not too long ago
A shocking revalation
That you could be the one for me
My fight against temptation…

But I know that all those things I see
are just a simple fantasy
And you’d be fine not knowing
Because you don’t even notice me

So you’ll walk past, we might glance
say a joke – roll our eyes
hoping you might notice
or make a move so I’d reply…

Wishing you were the right boy
That it was the right time
That you’d say the right thing
And I’d give the right signs

But instead I’ll just daydream
About the stupid things we say
Or the stupid things you do
That my laughter can’t contain

You’re just another driver
And I’m sitting in that seat
Wondering as we travel
Will our feelings ever meet?

My fear is hoping that they won't
But my dreams say that they do
This is awful coz my “flavour of the week”
Is always going to be you.

****

We search for love.
We put love first in our lives.
Thus… we search for God for God is love.
And God should be first in our lives…

Brain is frazzled

Sitting in library comp labs... attempting to start/finish ICOM essay [2500 words on Al Jazeera] in less than 3hours... *sigh*
Wishing I was either at the beach or asleep on a green patch of grass...
Ok... so I'm gonna save all my articles now... buy myself a Bubble Tea from the "LIQUID" bar at Macquarie Food Court... and SMILE happily because today is a gorgeous day (or at least it was when I got into the library... looking out the window now it looks like a pretty overcast afternoon as hit Sydney)... and attempt to get this assignment done.

Today... I am THANKFUL for...

My God who whispers to me during the day...

Friends who call me at 5am to make sure I've started my assignments...

Parents who always check up on me...

My sister who calls from America just to make sure we're all ok...

My mum who sits and watches Foreign Correspondent with me at 9pm when she'd rather be watching a chic-flick...

My "brother" who picks me up for uni and makes sure I get here early...

My sister who laughs at my lame jokes and burps herself to sleep at night...

My "brother" who helps me out with my lack of networking/computing knowledge...

The pointless emails from friends interstate about how excited they are to study next year...

The people at my uni who choose to smile...

Funny lecturers and tutors who crack jokes...

Sleep... when it's available.

sunday afternoon

"Dirty denim jeans, yellow singlet, bed hair, cut nails and dry feet"

'Tis Sunday arvo and I am sleeeepy like you would not believe.

People I'm praying for lately...

Gez - exams mate. you are beautiful. i love your bites, your skin, your smile, your laugh and all the sill giggly things we talk about! miss ya -and hope u know ur being looked after...

Nez - can't get enuff ay? hope the driving experience last night was fuuun ;o) and tanx for the support yesters. we have a whole new bunch of memz for each stupid thing we get up to! remember to TRY OTHER TYPES OF CHOCOLATE and dnt b AFRAID of colourful clothing [catch a hint on the metaphor m8]

Sav - tanx for the affirmations, the message u left on my voicemail b4 my job interview and jz being so generous and genuine. ** i shall stomp on u for no particular reason... **

Eddoes - my flava! [only coz u never respond to my BITES!] im prayin for ur assignments and workies, and ur music and ur famz and ur luuurv life and ur service. m8 ur the most awesum-est; laziest but most inspiring and BESTEST mission partz to hav EVS!! ah yes... and i shall pray for ur car

household... miss yas all

youth... SPY - you make me SMILE each time i see u loving God and each others!!

Amardeep - only 11 more sleeps!! Just in case u find a guy and decide to elope, plz send me and Cobey invites. ;o) hope ur writers block and skills in procrastination clear! ;o)

Cobes - where u been study nerd?! hows dim-sim and are u going to tamworth? i know ur kicking ass in ur exams/assignments - no fear and all FAITH for u!

fr warren - EUROPE and FRANCE... im green but im soo happy for u. cant wait 4 u to come back and SHARE the FAITH with us!!

***

[pulling at heart strings... me so excited!]

**precious momes**

So it went sumthing like this...

>> Walk-about in the city with my bro taking stoopid photos at the State Law Courts *ahem!* and trying on embarrassing clothes... [BRIGHT orange & pink very flattering on complexion... hahaha]


>> visiting HyDe PaRK and St Mary's Cathedral [awww - two weddings but no funerals] and reading over GAT diary which gives me tingles, gud memz and affirmation!

>> Jogging and sit-ups before gettn picked up by Eddoes.. eating pansit in his car talkin random as usual ;o)

>> Watching Nez reverse about drive way - FIRST EVER driving experience ... gud boy doesn't speed [YET!]

>> Salt & Light @ Liverpool - awesome skit, awesome session, awesome GOD - nice analogies [might copy hehehe...]

>> Cry fest in car park - staring at more stars and making lots of hopeful prayers...

>> Dinns with my guuud buddies at Rashay's [that was the funniest Caesar salad i've had in my life - croutons were nice and..... black]

>> Cuz comes in white (rarr) car [bloody manual driver] and we go for looong drive around Sydney.

PRECIOUS MOMENT: climbing up the side of a half-build house and sitting on the back fence with a BEAUTIFUL view of Sydney city. [was freezing legs and arms off!] Talked for 2 hours but life, problems, faith, dreams, longings and hoping that God's plan is better than we can imagine.

Funny part: trying to climb down when the ground was about 15m below us... [yikes] but all in all - the lessons learnt included:

God is an awesome creator and knows exactly how to compose a perfect moment; especially when you're praying for it!

We search for and long for and miss people... dream about the future and hug pillows in our sleep wondering what exactly is missing, and realistically - the search is simply for LOVE - love that doesn't end, love that is unconditional and perfect...

which means all those lonely ppl out there are really looking for God. Coz God is love because He is perfect and doesn't end and has no conditions...

It's ok to DREAM.

Never settle for anything other than what you are dreaming for. Allow Him to make miracles in your life, your heart and for your soul!

Pray for the one God plans for you.

Eighth Grade Mentality...

HEY!! I found something i wrote in yr 8.
Hehehehehe... ;o)

“I have a confession to make”
(1998)

I have feelings for you
that are so hard to explain –
Is this puppy love or not?
The question strains my brain.
It’s so hard to say I like you,
and don’t dare ask my why;
I’d love to get these feelings out –
how many times I try.

I think about you day and night –
your face will make me smile,
Your voice would make me happy too,
but your number’s hard to dial ;o)
There is an urge inside me
that pushes me to you
I’d love to know you love me back
and know those words are true.

I’m happy when I hear your name,
it’s always in my thoughts
I’d love to write it everywhere
but fear that I’ll get caught.
I’d love to see your friendly smile
and let our eyes lock too
And now I guess I will confess –
it sucks, but I love you. Y

up til 4am

It's Wednesday night but the sky is still blue and it's traditional high School Based household.
So today I'm educating Carlos in the art of blogging...
Carlos what would you like to say?
"I'm a bogger not a blogger."

Very inspiring! ;o)

I couldn't sleep last night. I did everything in my knowledge to try and get me to sleep - damn it Aron - the 'V' and the Baskin & Robins ice-cream was nooot a good call!
So I read, I prayed, I messaged people, I watched 2 Daria episodes on my laptop, I scanned my computer for viruses (and found about 7) and then... ended up reading over my GAT diary... awww... man I got seriously nostalgic!

Tonight I'm at the CFC centre with Carlos, Nez, Pips, Tere, Jons and Nathan. ;o)
Oh and Pips is not old.

I LOVE MY HOUSEHOLD!!!

Gerry, Ri, and Eddoes - we miss you today.

daring to dream

Today I get to brag a bit about YFC Terra and how much these guys inspire me.

Right now it's Tuesday nyt and I just spent the last few hours with Aron [shhh... he was meant to be at household but he helped me do my website] teeheehee...

anywayz... just staying up doing nothing in particular... which is kinda annoying cz as all my buddies keep reminding me - we have exams coming up [eeeek!] and im envious of Eddoes coz he's only got his major assignments to hand in *lucky man!!* and then he's done for good... ;o) oh man i'm excited for ya...!

[oh yeh - HAPPY BIRTHDAY ROSELL!]

Today I was thinking about wat it was like to be in highskool... and i remembered d terra kids and reminded them that it's important to acknowledge wat makes 'em special... and also to sometimes acknowledge their disappointments... hurts... and fears...bcoz all these things shape who we are.

*****

God fashions each of us exactly how he wants us. Today was reminded that each of us are unique - in simple, but amazing ways. And our Father has the ability to take each particle of us... and mould us into something brilliant, something with special qualities.
Inside our hearts are quite a number of things. We guard our hearts because inside them, we keep our disappointments, our hurts, and our fears.
We guard are hearts because inside them, we keep our hopes, our dreams and our goals.
This is all understandable, because it's when our hopes, dreams and goals are rejected or interrupted, that we get disappointed, hurt and afraid...

But this should never stop us from aiming high and giving our all.

I was walking around Westpoint today with a bunch of flowers and a Goldmark bag. The flowers were for my Dad, who wanted to visit Pinegrove [All Souls Day!] and the Goldmark pressie was for Rosell [sweeeet 16] ;o)
But as I sat down in front of Woolies, an old man walked up to me, with a cheeky, warm grin on his face. He held out his hand to shake mine, and happily greeted me "Happy Birthday!" I smiled at him and laughed, and told him it wasn't my birthday - all the gifts were other people.

He sat down next to me on a bench and proceeded to share with me that he was going to turn 90 on January 17 next year. Never had I met someone with so many years behind them with such a bright TWINKLE in their eye! He told me he was from Hungary, that he'd worked in a meat factory for 15 yrs just so he could pay off his house... how he had 2 children and 7 grand children... that he knew how to dance and that I should learn one day.

The most inspiring statement was him telling me that even though he was 90, he'd wake up really happy everyday. His wife kicked him out of the home he spent 15 years paying off, but he is still happy. He went to a doctor who diagnosed cancer in his face, but he is still happy. He had an operation in his leg, but he is still happy. He lives on his own, but he is still happy.
Not once did the sparkle in his smile leave him as he sat next to me, in one of the most amazing, engaging conversations I've ever had.

As I stood up to leave, I took one glance at this 89 yr old Hungarian man, his black baseball cap, blue shirt and checkered vest, and saw the face of Jesus. A man who had struggled, but smiled. A man who had been hurt, but also healed. A man who was lonely, but was still able to love. A man who wasn't afraid to walk up to a girl and greet her "Happy Birthday" - even though it wasn't my birthday!

Later that afternoon I got home and thought... "hmmm... gotta plan for the Terra Meeting!"
So... today's session was about DARING TO DREAM!
Like the man I met today, we too, have disappointments, hurts and fears... but we also hae hopes, goals and desires...
Like the man I met today, we too, will struggle - but we should learn to smile.
Like the man I met today, we too, will hurt - but we also have the power to heal.
Like the man I met today, we too, will be lonely - but we also have the ability to love.

Together with our disappointments, hurts and dreams, we have our hopes, goals and desires.

Always acknowledge these things - God will use all of them to make something beautiful!

Peace out and pray lots!

over it

So it's 12:37am on a Thursday night/Friday morning. And I should be finishing off my tutorial paper... but my head isn't awake and my mind is elsewhere. My emotions are running random (because they have been all sem!) and i'm soo frustrated with myself.

What on earth am I doing on this webpage writing a blog when I shud either be in bed in deep REM or typing up a paper about the Shepherd of Hermas and the Didache and prophecy in early second century??

All i can say is i'm well and truly over the hype that pple put on tertiary study. with the amount of pressure they put on pple to get into a relevant course, into a high paying job - you'd think there'd be more to it than reading books and regurgitating info [with a recognised referencing system, mind u - or else u might get failed for alleged plagiarism] ...

While im here though, i just thought i shud post up a HAPPY BIRTHDAY to all the lucky october ppl who were born this week!

monday 25th - caresse
tuesday 26th - anthony garland
wendesday 27th - marife cruz
thursday 28th - angela p.
friday 29th - den alcantara
saturday 30th - my DAD!! ;o)
sunday 31st - christina...

whoa... heaven sure celebrated a lot during october. hahahaha...
ok i'm out.

please don't shoot me for not finishing my homework.

;o)

what am i worth?

To YOU I may be worth nothing.

To a teacher, I may be worth the effort of marking a late essay.

To a student, I may be worth listening to.

To a friend interstate, I may be worth visiting.

To a stranger, I may be worth a smile.

To my sisters, I may be worth a fight.

To my parents, I may be worth a lecture.

To a forgotten friend, I may be worth a memory tucked in the back of their brain.

To a boy, I may be worth a "hello".

To a girl, I may be worth a sneer.

To my friends I may be worth a phone call.

But to God, I am worth the WORLD,

I am worth HIS LIFE
and
I AM WORTH FIGHTING FOR.

Yeah - it's easy to feel down on yourself when the people you hope to show their affection just don't. But the comfort in all these things?... When such storms beat you around in the wind, and you feel lost and as if you are drowning...

It is Jesus who will walk on the water and ask you, not to take a LEAP of faith, but a STEP of faith towards him. And he will catch you, he will hold you, he will love you, and he will give you MUCH more than 5 minutes of your day.

What am I worth? The love that Jesus gives me...

Who am I looking for? The one that loves me like Jesus does. ;o)

a tribute

I miss you... and I hate that I do only now that you're not around anymore.
And it sucks that you had to leave the way you did - because everyone knows it didn't have to happen that way - that it just shouldn't have happened that way...

But right now I'm thinking... of you in my year 7 English class with Miss Young. Innocent back then, with curly hair, big smile and long (un-hemmed, unrolled) skirt, pretending to be Sheree Nemeth's second cousin from Mauritius.
Then there was year 8 French with Miss Young in the Bally block. Funny how school does so much give us chances as well as screw us up (or maybe give us changes to screw up...)
Days in Coraki and Mrs Robinson-Taylor.
(",) Then you grew up, got rebellious and ended up getting suspended on a picnic table with your friends... oh the laughs, the swearing and the happiness of high school. Brilliant huh? Your backbites, your laughter, and all the things I wish I could fold into a box, sticky tape your name onto it and keep it in a place where everyone has access...

Wish I'd known you better... wish you'd had a chance to live out your Summer plans, your cynical dreams or just jump around your room to New Found Glory and Me First and the Gimme Gimmes... wish you'd know me better too... wish I could tell your friend that it's gonna be ok one day.

So I wonder now if you had regrets. Always seemed to me like you were so opiniated. And that was something I really did admire about you - you had an opinion - especially when I was too weak to have opinions. And I did a loooot of stuff that pissed you off probably because we just didn't understand each other...

Ah... but now you're gone. And there are wounds - not because of your mistakes - but because of our mistake of not appreciating you when you were around. And no matter how much we cry, it won't change the mistake that I've made of not caring more or not loving more, or not telling you that you're sooo worth the effort more... but even though you probably can't hear me - I just thought I'd let you know that you are.

And if there's anything that this night of thoughts or these days of tears, confusion, heart combustion and emotional turmoil have taught me it's this:

Never underestimate those that we love. Never forget to show them how much they mean to you. Because this day will fall like a blink of an eyelash, and this life will roll by as we wave our goodbyes...

I do miss you. And I miss all our friends. And I hope... that you know and that you're friends and family will keep this one fact close to their hearts...

We won't ever forget...

marife's boredom

Thanks a lot marife. you got me bored enough to do this!

------------------GENERAL INFO------------------
Starting Time: 3:36pm
Name on Birth Certificate: Joy***** **n Enri***z?
Nicknames: Joy. Joyousness. Yoj. Skitz. Idiot… the list goes on really.
Starsign: Pisces.
School: Ex-Nagle-ite. Currently at the bludgiest uni out - Macquarie.
Location: In my room, at my desk.
Email Address: look at the top of this page.
Hair Colour: black. I was gonna dye it red. what do you guys think?
Shoe size: 7 or 8.
Brothers/Sisters: four sisters. a lot of "brothers"…
You live with: my dad, my mom (is currently in Canberra though), Annabelle, Rina and Roanne.
------------------HAVE YOU EVER------------------
Missed school bcoz it was raining: Hailing more like…
Put a body part on fire for amusement: Uh,… no - but I do like to mangle my toes.
Been in a car accident: yeah; I was seven and cried a lot.
Been hurt emotionally: who hasn't been hurt emotionally?!
Kept a secret from everyone: yeah - plenty. But generally, I'd say I'm a pretty open person. *
Had an imaginary friend: all my friends are imaginary. ;op Hahaha… no serzly; I had a few when I was in primary school. and one called MD.
Cried during a Movie: yeah heaps! I'm a romantic by heart - it's scary.
Ever thought an animated character was hot: Oh for sure - Dimitri from Anastascia. (shhh! Don't tell anyone!)
Been on stage: Yeah. One of my favourite moments in Philippines was singing a praise song in front 10,000 Catholics at Araneta Coleseum.
Been sarcastic: What does sarcastic mean?! ;o)

------------------FAVORITES------------------
Shampoo: Oooh… Herbal Essence. or Pantene Pro V Extra Straight… hahaha.
Soap: Nutrimetics Melon & Cucumber Body WAsh
Fav colour/shade: blue… purple… pink… red… orange… yellow… green… - ok ok. I love all colours of the rainbow! But a blue sky will cheer me up any time!
White or Red roses: pink baby roses or red long-stemmed. (*hint hint*)
Summer/Winter: Summer all the way!! Can't wait to go beaching… swimming and shave my legs… I mean… (just joking!)
Cartoon Characters: Dori from Finding Nemo… Stitch (I reak havoc like that little alien) … Care Bears and Gummi Bears… Gadget from Chip & Dale Rescue Rangers… and Gi (Captain Planet)
Drink: h20 my friend… all the way. ooh! And the Ice Fusions from the LIQUID bar at my uni Food Court… talk about addictive.
Movie: Disney Flicks… Life is Beautiful, American Beauty, American History X, *
Ice Cream: HOME Ice-cream… *drooling* and Nuts About Chocolate.
Subject: you mean at uni? I don't like my subjects at uni… hahaha… Nah jks lang. In HS I loved English, History and Religion… at uni I liked News & Current Affairs and Multimedia Production & Theory…
Animal: Rabbits, pandas and Labradors.
Person: Jesus Christ!!
Girls name: Keila. Sky, Rei,
Boys name: Joshua…
Chick Movie Star: eeek! I dunno…
Guy Movie star: Guy's a movie star?
TV show: The classic Simpsons episodes… Dawson's Creek (old school)… and the original Power Rangers series.
---------------RIGHT NOW------------------
Wearing: old grey Mickey Mouse tshirt and black shorts.
What color underpants: lol.. light purple. (shh)
I'm feeling: like I should seriously be doing my AHIST essay instead of this survey - but Marife, you suckered me into it!
Eating: chocolate crème biscuits, m&ms and krispy crème donuts… (ok - so I'm in holiday mode! someone get me rope and drag me back to uni!)
Drinking: water from a Mount Franklin bottle
Thinking about: oooh… lots of stuff. SPY stuff, the song "ADDICTED" and the people whose photos are on my wall (i.e. my household, my fams, the youth)
Talking to: gerry on MSN.

---------------IN THE LAST 24 HRS------------------

Cried: when I yawned. But that's it. I'm HAPPY HAPPY JOY JOY!!
Met someone new: yeah! Sean - came to pizza night last night and he's 12 and funny. And… the guy who was playing "Taylor" on guitar… oh man I'm sorry I told you I was bad at names!!
Cleaned your room: Tidied my room… not clean. It will never be clean.
Drove a car: Yeah. took Phil, Raf, Gerry and Nez home last night

---------------DO YOU BELIEVE IN------------------
Yourself: Yes. Coz Jesus lives in me!!!
Santa Claus: St Nicholas is real - and his story is so cool. But Jean (sister) always leaves us Santa presents on Christmas day.
Tooth Fairy: you know I got $4.35 for my fang?
Ghosts: I believe in spirits that are troubled and lost… and Fr Warren's ghost stories after the ALIVE festival didn't ease my mind either.
Angels: Yes!! My Guardian angel takes care of me!
UFO's/intelligent life in space: I reckon they're humans from the future who've come back to see what we were like in history.

--------------FRIENDS AND LIFE------------------
Do you have a soul mate?: yes. His name is Jesus.
Do you have a girlfriend?: plenty of friends who are girls - does that count?
Do you like anyone?: oh man… if you only knew who my crush(es) are!! hahahaha…
Who have u known the longest of your friends: Angela. Known her since yr 1 at ST Pat's Primary. And Jesus -he knew me before I was born.
Who's the loudest: Hmm… Gerry or Gemma.
The shyest: I'd have to say.. Edwin is one of them. But even he's breaking out of his shell!
Who's the weirdest: Me! Define weird? Coz all my friends are weird!
Who has seen you cry: lots of people. I think Fr Warren was the one who saw me cry the most of recently…
When have you cried the most: oohh… that's a tough one. I'd say the post break-up phase was the worst.
What is the best feeling in the world?: when I realise that I've played a part in bringing someone closer to God… because then I can really say that I've loved and been loved.. and truly - LOVE is the best feeling in the world.
Worst Feeling: (hey Marife I read your answers to this and I totally agree)… the worst feeling is when you know the best and right-est decision is the one that's gonna hurt you the most.

-----------------ABOUT GUYS FOR GIRLS TO FILL OUT---------------

Boxers or briefs: Boxers. be free! Hahaha… (sorry… just joking)
Long or short hair: I'd say… short.
Six pack or muscular arms: oohh… I'm an "arms" type of gal…
Good or bad guy: umz in between? bad guy turned good. rarrr…
Suprises or no suprises: surprises! where's the excitement without surprising people being surprised?!
Hat or No Hat: naturale please.
Ears pierced or not: NO PIERCINGS!! yuk…
Stubble or neatly shaved: clean and shaved, fresh and smelling yummy.
Rugged or sporty: rugged is rarrr, but sporty is hot. So how about rugged but plays a lot of sport? hahaha…
Accent or not: eh? what type of stupid question is that?!
Shy or Outgoing: I like a mystery, but I also like someone who can INITIATE things. So… a humble leader.
Perfect date: Eeek! (oh hey, this brings back memories from ALIVE festival.) Ok - to re-use what I got from Nez, Peni, Aron and Rey: a morning picnic, followed by a cruise around the city, a movie or live show, and ending with a coffee at night in a candle-lit place in the city somewhere…. awwww… you guys are soo sweet!

--------ABOUT GIRLS FOR GUYS TO FILL OUT --------------

I'm gonna pretend I'm a guy and fill this out anyway…

Regular underwear or thong: regular undies
Painted nails or not: painted toe nails
Bra or sports bra: bra. no lace.
Cute n' mysterious or wild n' crazy: wild and crazy - because they're mysterious too
Dressy or casual : casual
Dark or blonde hair: dark hair
Dark or light eyes: nice eyes
Hat or no hat: that's a stupid question
Good or bad girl: good girl
Intelligent or average: as long as they can hold a good, stimulating and intellectual conversation
Hair up or down: messy bed hai
Jewelry or none: stuff that matches
Tall or short: nice legs
Curly or straight: straight
Pants or dress: dress - pretty spring ones!!
Tan or fair: tan
Freckles or none: doesn't matter
Accent or Not: that's just stupid
Shy or outgoing: outgoing

-----------------FOR EVERYONE TO FILL OUT-----------------

Silver or gold: silver

Diamond or pearl: diamonds! *

Sunset or sunrise: both. sunrise at ALPADi in Philippines, Sunset from Boracay beach or Notting Hill

Have you ever gone skinny dipping: Sh…. don't tell anyone!

Do you sleep with stuffed animals: yes - she's a squashed rabbit whose name is Swiftheart and I've had her for 12 years. she wears the Claire Catholic College tie ;o)

Have you ever broken/sprained/fractured a bone: sprained heaps of stuff - both ankles and wrist. I used to be left handed til I sprained my wrist.

Do you have any piercings?: my ears. and I take full advantage of accessorising.

Rain, sun or snow? sun!! with a sun shower… for rainbows. :o)

How is the weather right now?: cloud cover (ewww) but humid and muggy. yuck,.

Do u like cookies? freshly baked - or Subway double-chocolate.

What makes you happy?: God, my family finally getting along, hanging with good friends, SPY people, and listening to well-played live music.

What's the stupidest thing u have ever done?: trusting people without trusting God first.

On the phone or in person: in person over a nice Oreo Bash

Who will respond to this email fastest?: bored people.

Who won't respond? Edwin - He's a lazy ass.

Finishing time: 4:01 pm

----------------ADDED QUESTIONS-------------------------

What is your favourite childhood memory? Playing in the back garden and making up entirely crazy worlds in my head, then writing stories about my adventures.

Give me an example of why God is so good? He woke me up this morning and gave me the best people to spend my life with.

unending flow of info

I'm sitting in the comp labs, not knowing what to feel.
After receiving my first HD last sem for my media essay on the Port Arthur Massacre in the mid 90s, I shudder to think how emotionally involved I got when I read story after story about a gunman who heartlessly slaughtered innocent people in a small, innocent town.

And here I am, trying to find information online about the Columbine School Massacre of 1999, and the school siege in Beslan, and my heart cries out with complete confusion and fury.

Page after page is printed, window after window is opened. Unending flows of information - about the human race and its ability to murder, slaughter and inflict pain on its own kind.

Where are we in all of this? Where are the Christians who are supposed to be setting the example of people with the right values.

Tomorrow we remember the anniversary of the September 11 attacks in America.

Day after day, the conflict grow. Moment after moment, more blood is shed.

And the irony of it all? Yesterdays IHS reading: "do good to those who hate yoiu... pray for those who mistreat you... give to everyone who asks of you and from the one who takes what is yours do not demand it back... love your enemies and do good to them, and lend expecting nothing back; then your reward will be great and you will be children of the Most High, for he himself is so kind to the ungrateful and wicked... Be merciful... stop judging... stop condemning... Forgive and you will be forgiven..." [Luke 6:27-37]

I pray, Lord... that I will never blame the pain in this world on any one person... but I am certain that I will not forgive myself if I don't do something to change how we are.

emotional traffic

If you're not pissed off with the state of the world, then you're just not paying attention"

[kasey chambers]

I was reading over the talk outline for "Bringing God's High to the Schools" and one question raised is: why bring God to the high schools?
Under that question, there is a comment about the Columbine Massacre in 1999 - a result of what happens when God is taken away from schools.

Being young is something that we, as youth, should embrace with true joy and excitement. True - we all go through emotional stuff-ups, trials, assessment season and close-to-fatal fights with family and friends. But truly, teenagehood and adolescence is the time to be vibrant, energetic and full of God's unending HIGH.

Sadly, events like the attack in Middle School 1. in Beslan last week, or the Columbine Massacre in '99, or the September 11 attacks in '01 are enough to put any young person off from celebration.

For many of us, it's easy to push away the problem and pretend that it doesn't affect us or that we're useless in changing the way the world is.

But this is exactly that type of attitude the breeds today's terrorists, suicidal youth and abusive parents. Indifference, ignorance and the active decision to sit back and let the world do the work for us are all attitudes that taint the reputation of humanity.

There is no excuse to let a day go by when we don't show that we care enough to loveour neighbours . Considering the number of homeless, derilict, poverty-stricken and abused people out in the world, it amazes me that we, as humans, are still able to find an excuse to be completely apathetic. In an era where the "world becomes smaller" through technology, multimedia, niche markets, and instant communication, it is a mystery why we still are unable to communicate a solution to our species' unending conflict.

I wonder what it is that people are waiting for.

In response to the question "Why bring God to the high schools?" is simple. In a world where there is murder, conflict, pain, hurt, abuse, racisim, sexism, fear, anger, intolerance, impatience and sin... it is clear that we're in dire need of the peace that God offers us through Jesus.

He said it pretty clearly: "I came to bring you life to the full"...
Bring it on Jesus Christ.

The young people of this world need it desperately.

september rain

After an interesting conversation with my Dad the other day, I've learnt something new:

Talk is cheap - so never make promises.

And I do mean never.

eh?

 


Happy Fathers DAy ya'll...

Here's my two brothers *ahem* cooking dinner in my kitchen tons. That is just some funny stuff.

Cooking Lesson #1 - must teach Edwin how to cut potatoes for corned beef.

Cooking Lesson #2 - let Nereus wash dishes.

when the chips are down

The letters "C" and "F"

Feelings... can be FUN... sometimes they even drive ya to doing things you wouldn't normally do... ;o)
Funny that huh... funny funny feelings ...
So anyway. I was on the phone with an old friend tons, talking about relationships and what not. And lately this Spring weather (the SUNNY part of it anyway) reminds me of high school and high school CRUSHES... ah yes - those tingly feelings when the guy/gal you're totally into walks into the room and suddenly everything is ALIVE...and then there's the daydreaming, the love letters, the waking up in the morns to an sms that you can't stop thinking about all day, the late night convos everyday etc etc... *as if you don't know what I'm talking about!!*

Yessum... that's right. *CRUSH* Feelings are the best feelings. That's my theory anyway...
But then after talking to this ol' buddy of mine, I realised that *feelings* just aren't enough. It was one of short "epiphanies" trying to talk this guy through some guy-girl cofuffle.
And feelings are cool... they're a blessing. But good relationships - even good friendships can't last if they're just based on feelings. Coz feelings - they come and go. We can be angry one day, but not the next. We can be sad one day, but not a week after. You can be happy for a moment, but chances are it'll rain on your parade in about 2 seconds...
Feelings - whether they're feelings of affection, fondness, anger, lust, romance, eagerness... (i could go on forevs but u already get the jist) - are made to be temporary.
Not to say that they're bad - because I'll always think that fresh *CRUSH* feelings are one of the coolest blessings God could bless for humans...but todays conversation made my realise that *feelings* start it all off... but *commitment* keeps it going.

I can only hope that when it comes down to crunch time... that I'll be as committed as I say I'll be. And to be totally honest... I'm absolutely terrified that one day.. those people that I love so much won't stick around when the chips are down... Coz serzly - I'm a sucker for my friends man.

*CRUSH* feelings are sweet, but i fall in love with my friends. in high school i fell in love with my filo chiks, my entire grade and even some teachers; in YFC i fell in love with Hills, with my famz, and now - even more so - with my High School household...

I just hope the commitment that comes with the tingly feelings is there!

inspired by GEz

Serzly Gez... ur a funnee girl. if u ever read my e-journal [which u better not, coz then ill have to kill u] - then u'd freak at how common our minds might be.

Here's an example.

Ancient History tutorial paper due, ALIVE festival,
Blacktown YFC camp and visiting tomorrow,
Candy and cookie stash in my room, **crushes** Capitalism
Dancing (*in the moonlight!*) Daydreaming
Eddoes, eating, egg-tomato-cheese omelettes
FRiEnds, freaking out over uni crap... Federal Election
God, Gerz, Gothika (coz we watched it yesters)and gummi bears, Gawad Kalinga
Haircuts and how i should cut mine, Harry
Ian, inspirations, inSPYr'd (youth newsletter), ICOM report that I'm supposed to do today
Jesus, Jons, being Joyful, jokes that I don't understand, jokes that no-one else understands
Krispy Kreme donuts,Killing Heidi
Lip gloss, lemon on pansit (my lunch) and Luuurv...
Menstrual issues, marriage
Nez-factor, Nathan, next week
Over-analysing certain people in my life
Peanut M&Ms, period pain,
Qantas flights and going to Germany or YGAT
Riann, Rina, Roanne, Reading my ICOM articles
Sitting on my butt not doing a thing all day, social issues, singing
Tomorrow, Tax returns,
Uni homework and assessments, umbrellas and filos using them
Venting to my pillow,
Wet weather sux, writing,
Xylophones,X-ray vision (for the guys in my uni) *ahem*
You, yummy stuff, yelling
Zebras without stripes...Zandro in America

I love you Gerry!!