my heroes! 

lost in the moment - revelation

I was about to snap back into uni mode and organise my unfinished assigments and the homework I have yet to catch up on... but I can't seem to think straight, and I think it's because I haven't done justice to what happened last night!

I woke up today [for the second time] thinking about the last hug I received in the early hours of this morning. Not only did I wake up feeling warm and fuzzy and totally loved, but every time I think about that hug, it brings back all the great memories of one of the best nights of my life, and reminds me so fondly of how blessed I am.

I was blog surfing this afternoon and felt so elated when I found a lot of SPY kids commenting on last night's success, and how touching the REVELATION concert was to them, how much fun they had, and especially, how exhausted they were after such a great production! I'll repeat what Fr Arthur told me in the office today: the more exhausted one feels after they exert effort just shows that they experienced an even greater victory.

TRUE THAT!

Last night was awesome - in all forms and means. I will look back at May 28 2005 and fall in love all over again - with God, with the team that made REVELATION happen, and with the crowd that cheered and supported, and revealed to me a heaven on earth.

Exaggerating? Hardly! I don't need a crowd of thousands to testify God's love to me.

So here are the highlights of what will be day in the history of the life of Joy... who is completely grateful... and totally inspired:

- Penitito and Luke at Patrician Bros late on Friday trying to work out lights.
- Late night "packing" on Friday evening of all the "essentials" that I'd need throughout Saturday, predicting that I'd leave at 8:30am and not get home til the next day.
- Trying to get to sleep by taming the butterflies in my tummy with a whole heap of chocolate.
- Early morning to a beautiful blue sky.
- Mandarins in Edwin's car after he explained how much he hated them. Buhahaha...
- Getting to the hall and wondering what on earth a producer is supposed to do the day of the production.
- The blur between 10am - 1pm when the sound equipment and lights arrived, the SPY kids started running around in psychotic excitement, the ticket paper work got hectic, the program got changed, the printer stuffed me up, the band set up and it started to feel like we were running out of time.
- Overcoming my fear of falling when I stood on top of the ladder on my own just to fix that stupid "T-I-O-N"
- The satisfaction of looking at how how the backdrop looked under the lights.
- My walk down Main St with Gemma to buy the lunch I didn't end up eating.
- That conversation with Fr Warren about how I wasn't really feeling stressed... and then seeing Nereus storm to the back of the hall ready to rip his hair out because the sound wasn't working.
- Luke's face when I told him I couldn't contact the guys doing sound.
- Finally starting the dress rehearsal - 4 hours after the scheduled start time.
- Cheering up teary performers by pretending to be the Bishop.
- The "ID-making" production line at the back of hall.
- Being totally inspired after realising just over 100 people were involved in making REVELATION happen.
- Being inspired even more after realising over 400 people were involved in WATCHING REVELATION.
- Totally loving that Mark & Jean brought the extended family.
- Loving purple hair extensions. ;o)
- Watching the band jam... now that was HOT. Ryan, Milloy, Jason, Luke, JR & Eddoes -you guys are my heroes.
- Coleen in action. WOW.
- Boys in their "backstage mode."
- Dean with a walkie-talkie.
- KFC in the green room just before the night really started.
- Matt and Zeke terrified of the guys from Portico... until I told 'em they were Christian band members, not bouncers.
- Jan & Tony and their security outfits.
- Standing in the middle of the room when we briefed the performers.
- Wanting to express how proud I was, how excited I was, how grateful, fortunate and extremely inspired I was... but not knowing how.
- When my bum started talking [Peni and the handsets... grrRR!]
- Wanting to cry because I was just soo.... HAPPY!
- Praising God for the outfit He picked for me to wear, because I was too broke to buy new clothes. Hahaha..
- My heart beating a gazillion miles an hour when the show started.
- Loving Penitito and his ability to improvise. Loving that our outfits matched. Hahaha...
- Stacking it down the backstage stairs in my stilettos.
- My mic not working... three times.
- Giddy feelings waiting in the wings.
- Feeling like a really proud mum every time a performance got applause.
- Loving the screams and cheers in the crowd.
- Tallying the times I wanted to reach for someone's hand to squeeze in anticipation.
- Seeing people - young & old - dancing to "Dipdip" and getting to praise God the crazy way during the "One Way" finale.
- My heart melting and crying out of gratitude when they did the wine & flowers thing... awww man! I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!
- Houselights on, all the good comments, proud parents, and happy SPYers.
- Packing up... the worst of the best bits.
- Penitito's encore of "Holy Are You Lord" after everyone left... HAHAHAHA...
- Realising that my best skill in times like these is cleaning. OMG. Praise God for my mum.
- Heater on my feet in the car.
- All the hugs, affirmations, compliments, happy smiles, pats on the back...
- Late night McDonald's with Fr Warren, Lisa, Gemma, Nereus, Edwin, Jason, Luke, JR, Penitito, Pielle, Sav, Coleen & Ryan...
- Having the best friends in the whole wide world.
- Totally loving how God touches my heart and makes everything work.
- All the "could-have-stolen-my-heart" moments!
- Crawling into bed after one of the most satisfying days of my life...


JOY WANTS TO THANK:

GOD / Fr Warren / Fr Arthur / Peni / Nez / Colloes / Ian / Luke C / Aron / Charmaine / Dominique / Eddoes / Jason / JR / Millnard / Ryan / Marisa / Marife / Bec / Gemma / Lisa / Breanne / Cassie / Karen / Sara / Monica / Jackie / Tony G / Matt T. / Baz / Pat / Stefanie / Nicola / Mrs Azar / Agatha / Aimelle / Cres / Rica / Jepong / Amabelle / Pjay / Gab / Gez / Grace / Kayem / Ken / Kristie / Kthryn / Mags / Patrick /Vince / Linda /Abel / Shawn / Steve / Lala / Ali / Irish / Raelene / Joey / Alan / Lowe / Don / Luke / Jojo / Jedman / Alana / James / Andre / Matt / Dean / Enjoli / Lois / Zeke / Jeremy / John / Eddie / Pielle / Sav / Mr Roque / Raf / Jose / Angeli / Frenace / Tony R / Jen / Courtney / Jan / Lina / Mr Prendargast / Jaypee / my family / my household / my school friends / and all the parents, friends, loved ones and beautiful souls that made REVELATION the victory that it was!! ...


**end thank you speech here** haaha... ;)

trying to ease my nerves

1. What is your occupation? Part-time youth worker. Full-time Daughter of God.

2. What colour is your underwear? Pink with blue lining.

3. What are you listening to right now? "Cool With You" by Jennifer Love Hewitt... now it's "I Believe In You" by Nsync.

4. What was the last thing you ate? A Lemsip Cold & Flu lozenge. Or... a medium chicken-nuggets meal from Sunnyholt Maccas. That might explain my gaining 4 kilos in the last 3 months.

5. Do you wish on stars? I gaze at them more than I wish on them.

6. If you were a crayon, what colour? Rainbow. Like those cool pencils in primary school... hahaha...

7. How is the weather right now? Freezing outside. Warm in my bedroom.

8. Last person you spoke to on the phone? Roanne: so I could scab the house keys.

9. Do you like the person who sent this to you? Yeah man. She was cool in school... hehehe

10. How old are you today? 20 years, 2 months, and 26 days.

11. Favourite drink? Hot Milo on a cold night.

12. Favourite sport to watch? Eeep... the boys playing basketball. ;0) Or... tennis at the lake while I call the shots in German. Lol...

14. Do you wear contacts or glasses? Neither.

15. Pets? My fish died while I was at Collaroy this week. *sniff*

16. Favourite month? December - January; Jesus' birthday and SUMMER SUMMER SUMMER.

17. Favourite food? Chocolate in all shapes and forms. Chicken... in all shapes and forms (except chicken feet)

18. What was the last movie you watched? STAR WARS! Bring it on mate... Now I've gotta watch the entire 6. Yeeshk!

19. Favourite day of the year? Everyday!

20. What do you do to vent anger? Pray... turn up hardcore rock music so the walls are shaking... go for a run... vacuum... (yeah don't ask)

21. What was your favourite toy as a child? A stuffed rabbit called "Swift-heart." It used to be white... it's kinda brown/grey and dusty these days.

22. Autumn or Spring? Spring because it means Summer is on the way. But Autumn looks better... with the leaves and all.

23. Hugs or kisses? Hugs! Especially really warm and long ones from people who are wearing snuggly jumpers.

24. Cherry or Blueberry? Blueberry.

25. What do look for in a friend? Honesty and hopefulness.

26. What do you look for in a partner? Someone to lead me closer to God.

27. What do you REALLY look for in a partner? Someone with nice arms and eyes... someone musically inclined... someone honest and funny. Hahaha...

28. Living arrangements? On a main road with mum, dad and 3 of the 4 sisters.

29. When was the last time you cried? Friday night over the phone.

30. What is on the floor of your closet? Clothes, old school stuff and a heap of dust.

31. Who is the friend you have had the longest? My Melbourne buddies, the St Pat's crew... but Jesus beats them all.

32. What did you do last night? Listened to the REVELATION band practice for tomorrow's concert.

34. What inspires you? Finding extraordinary things in ordinary people - smiles from strangers, a young person's faith, a strange boy's simplicity, undiscovered treasure in a locked up heart... you know - that kind of thing.

35. What are you afraid of? Hurting people I love so much.

36. Plain, cheese or spicy hamburger? Cheese burgers with a medium 6 nugget meal.

37. Favourite car? Hmm... the Nissan Skyline I learnt to drive in, and all the cars that my mates drive me around in.. haha... white Holden Apollos, Toyota Camries, Mazda 323s, Vectras and Lasers.

38. Favourite dog breed? Labradors, Huskies and the Dulux dog... ahaha..

39. Number of keys on your key ring? 5 for my home keys, 6 on my work keys.

40. How many years at your current employer? 1 year and 10 months.

41. Favourite day of the week? Sundays. This means seeing SPY, my best mates and spending time with my God... ;o)

42. How many countries have you visited? *sigh* This one and Phils. By this time next year, I'm hoping to add another 6 to that list!

**what am I thinking right now**
"Soul To Soul" - favourite empthatetic song of all time / Need to clean my room / Need to sleep / Need to do a lot of last minute stuff for this concert / Need to trust God / Wanting to smile and laugh and have a good time / Feeling really... HAPPY! / Miss Jonna / Love my household / Loving my NEW household / Loving the SPY kids / Loving God! / Happy happy happy and JOYful / seeing the positive / feeling safe in God's presence ...

if I ain't got you...

It's Friday night, and outside it's freezing.
I'm in a warm bedroom, with clothes scattered all over a bed that has purple sheets with pink love hearts. There are two shopping bags on the floor. The heater is on, and the stereo is playing lounge music and ballads.

Right now it's Usher & Alicia Keys ... but everything means nothing if I ain't got you...! ... if I ain't got you baby... some just want everything, but everything means nothing if I ain't got you...

I like listening to this song because it calms me down, gives me fuzzies and reminds me of the God who made music to reflect His beauty.

When you press a key on a piano, it makes music. When you click your fingers together, it makes music. When you strum the right strings, it makes music. When the wind travels through the leaves, it makes music. When the birds whistle to each other, it makes music.

What a beautiful and creative God we have... to give us the gift of music, the miracles of rhythm, timbre, sound and soul to create something that can move people, inspire people and bring them together...

Everything means nothing if I ain't got You...

midnight snacking

'The only thing greater than the power of the mind is the courage of the heart.'

I'm lying in bed trying to satisfy my hunger with a mug full of mushroom & chicken soup and "Fantastic" crackers dipped in Philadelphia cheese. Not the healthiest of snacks to have in the middle of the night, and definitely not the most hygenic... but I'm sure the bugs that (almost definitely) live in colonies under the carpet are having a field day with these crumbs.

It's late and I'm sick - losing my voice and getting incredibly nasal. And Roanne just warned me (in a muffled, sleepy voice from under her three doonas) that I'm gonna get my rags soon (we have this mad system happening, it's great). Also, my nail just broke.

But the good news is I had a chance to rest today. Sleeping is good fun. Now I know why Eddoes loves it so much. Hahaha... But now I need some more... but this weekend won't bring much of that.

It's all good though. Why? Because God provides. It's awesome. He just... seems to know how to all the time.

The last 3 days at Terra retreat were amazing. I get warm fuzzies thinking about the "cool" group and the fun we had, the games we played, the stuff we shared, scissors-paper rock, our skit... Toilet paper, learning beats, laughing at inside jokes... opening up.. and learning simplicity and faith and contributing to the laughter makes everything worthwhile - even if you end up losing sleep in the process.

Sunrise is beautiful at Collaroy. I think I mentioned that in a January blog after the SPY camp. I learnt sunrise is even better during a worship.

Then of course there was the sms I got, the boys in my group and the way they made me laugh, team bonding, feeding the ducks and the pelican on Wednesday afternoon at the lake, life's small but lovely surprises... and the person in the room who, regardless of the tension, can make me laugh, or can affirm me by saying, "It's alright. God will make it good."

I'm excited about REVELATION because I reckon God's touch the lives of a lot of people through it. I'm excited for the performers - all 58 of 'em. The REV band sounds awesome... praise God man - serzly.

So even though it's been one ridiculous struggle with plenty of long days... I have been affirmed already - 'The only thing greater than the power of the mind is the courage of the heart.'

The body is weak but the spirit is willing...

blood, sweat & tears

Sunday night... wow. It feels like an entire lifetime as flown by since Friday morning. I actually can't even remember what I did on Friday morning... was I conscious? On the other hand... I distinctly remember Friday night, the unforgettable phone call conversation that lightened up the heart and dried up the pillow - both of which were drowning in emotional leakage.
But right now... it's Sunday. And the entire weekend - all 72 hours of it - has passed by and I feel like tomorrow will launch me back into the real world... even though I feel so uncoordinated, unprepared, and unstable.
But the beauty of it all is that I have a God - both unfathomable and unbreakable... so despite the abundance of flaws, mistakes, bad choices, angry venting, emotional breakdowns, tears of disappointment and hurt, and lovesick mumbo jumbo that is racing through my mind... I know that all is good and glorious when given by His grace.

One of the most fulfilling things about knowing Him is being able to grasp a thread of peace, when everything else is falling to shreds. Not that everything else is falling to shreds. Actually... there is so much to be thankful for.

1. He listens. He is such a good listener. Knows how to calmly put things into perspective withough making me feel like I'm being lectured. He sits quietly and knows not to force.
2. He provides insight. Not just into his own thoughts, but the positions of others... and (mysteriously) into my own frazzled brain.
3. He knows how to harness my passions without making me let go of my dreams. Without trampling my ambitions, he carefully warns me and allows me to make my own decisions about what to take on board.
4. He gives me fuzzy feelings. I am warm inside when I know he's smiling, when I know he's happy, or proud, or ... anything positive really. His happiness makes me happy.
5. He is resourceful. He reminds me that nothing is impossible because God can provide.
6. He keeps me grounded. While I float around in my strangeness or feel suffocated from stress, he reminds me to K.I.S.S. - keep it simple, silly!
7. He reminds me to be selfless - that it isn't about me.
8. He draws me closer to him without even having to try. I want to be in his presence, in his arms, in his sight... because all this closeness makes my heart, my soul and all my dreams feel so alive.
9. He let's me learn him at my own pace. Without even knowing it, he keeps his pages open, ready for my eyes to scan, my thoughts to ponder, my heart to reach and my actions to reflect all the faith, hope and joy that I yearn for by sharing in his story...
10. He's the sweetest love that I've experienced. He is unconditional in his generosity, his acceptance and his love to me. And I feel like a princess when he chooses me...

Cover me and shield me from this day;
Take the stress and worries far away;
Be the Saviour that my heart pines for;
Save me from the tidal waves - bring me to shore...

Warm me on the safety of the sand;
Take me in your arms and hold my hand;
Let the waves of peace lap at my feet;
Bring the breeze of comfort - make my day complete...

Hold me close within Your tender grace;
Take the tears that trickle down my face;
I offer you this cross as sacrifice;
Take me from this moment - and bring me back to life.

wasting my time

- Three sugars + double coffee shot in a small Mocha from McCafe.
- Sitting in first floor of library doing nothing except reply to emails.
- Praying frustratedly.
- Thinking about Charades last night in my living room.
- Wishing I could always be that delirious in my laughter.
- Loving how we can all be such fools in front of each other and just not care.
- Loving my household.
- Hot chocolate at midnight.
- Driving to no where.
- Needing to work on assignment, but procrastinating as usual.
- Wanting to crawl back into bed.
- Why am I at uni today?
- Gonna miss friend who's flying away on Friday because she's the only sister I can trust with every minute detail of my heart and my past.
- Thinking about: hugs... that boy... laughing really hard that my stomach hurts... forgetting all my troubles... blessings... being in love... more hugs.
- I am sooo not a morning person.
- Angry, worried, stressed and disappointed, but trying really hard not to be.
- Listening... praying... hiding in His arms.
- Sewing back the pieces of a ripped apart heart.
- Wanting to punch something... REALLY HARD.
- More hugs.

mental congestion

I don't know - maybe it's because I'm listening to "The Taste of Ink"... but but right now, I have a severe form of writers block. People who incorporate singing and swearing can't possibly be good for anyone.
The symptoms of this mental congestion are horrendous. Every time I have to get started writing, it never works out for me. It's really quite frustrating.
I've been sitting at this computer for two hours already, and I need to get to uni to get this thing in.
And all I keep telling myself is, "Joy - just write!" But I can't seem to do it.

I mean, I perfectly capable of venting frustrations out on a public space that won't get graded... but mate - once I know that a critical eye is going to be picking apart the vocab on my piece of work... yeeshk ... the 'confident' Joy falls to pieces.

Sounds ridiculous, I know. It's one of the complexes that left-hemisphere brainiacs must suffer. Hahahaha... NOT!

Far from intelligence, this incredibly exhausted brain of mine is really just missing the pillow its carrier left at 8:30am this morning. Since prying my eyes open to an overcast day... I've managed to down a bowl of Frosties, a cup of coffee and a strawberry filled marshmallow. Not good.

Perhaps that tempting apple on the kitchen bench will provide some sustenance and inspiration.

****

I'm feeling kinda tired
I'm feeling kinda drained
Feeling scared and unprepared
To brave this tough terrain

I'm feeling really lousy
And feeling kinda stuck
I've lost the cue and have no clue,
And I'm running out of luck

I'm feeling really stupid
And feeling kinda phased
My rut is deep from lack of sleep
And my brain is feeling crazed

I'm feeling claustrophobic
My nerves have been strung tight
Can someone please pray for my pleas
And make me start to WRITE?!

crazy - evan & jaron

He rolls the window down
And he
Talks over the sound
Of the cars that pass us by
And I don't know why
But he's changed my mind

Would you look at him
He looks at me
He's got me thinking about him constantly
But he don't know how I feel
And as he carries on without a doubt
I wonder if he's figured it out
I'm crazy for this boy
Yeah, I'm crazy for this boy

He was the one to hold me
The night
The sky fell down
And what was I thinking when
The world didn't end
Why didn't I know what I know now

when the pillow gets confusing

Remember when...

- We sat on the bonnet of your car and stared at the stars...
- You kept ringing back that night...
- We walked really fast just to meet Jesus that morning...
- You finally had the guts to visit...
- We laughed really hard all night at dinner...
- You played me the song... and SANG.
- Our eyes met and I melted...
- You prayed over me...
- We hugged for what felt like forever...
- You found me...
- We served God - together...
- Our paths crossed at the right moment...
- You changed my world...
- My heart stopped when I saw you walked in the room...
- I watched you smiling...
- You reached for my hand instead of the gear stick...
- I said "ok..."
- It all started making sense...
- You asked me to dance...
- I couldn't say one thing without mentioning you...
- We found something we had in common...
- You picked me up when I was walking in the rain...
- We took care of each other...
- That star flew across the sky and we made wishes...
- You were there for me...
- I was there for you...
- We prayed for this...
- God decided to make it work...

I woke up and realised I was dreaming...?

warm fuzzies

Quotes from today:

She says; "I knew it was too good to be true - that I could actually meet a guy that was both cute and honest..."

****

I have this awfully sentimental habit of losing myself in someone else's story.
Maybe I'm just a hopeless romantic, but the idea of just sitting down with someone and learning them appeals to me. Learning their life, learning their likes, learning their dislikes. Learning who they are just by being with them. I guess I'm just a "quality time" type of person.

Last Saturday feels like a gazillion years ago because the last 8 days have just been sooooo full. Full of BLESSINGS, mind you - despite the vented frustrations on the previous post.

Saturday was: Canadian breakfast & mocha @ City Extra. Journey to North & West cluster pre-con showcases. Fun, fun, fun! Ultra-inspired by awesome talent, new faces and the amount of effort people are putting into these performances. Praise God! Also launched the chocolate drive.

Sunday: Church at 7am. 3 Masses in the morning *cough* - fun bonding with the SPYers. Man they are sooo cool. Seriously. There is not a single moment when I'm with one of them that I don't feel God's presence. I think they call that love... ;o) First practice with the Revelation Band. WOWEEEE - God's just AMAZING. Seriously. Mothers Day & Mark's Birthday celebrations with family *awww* totally loving AJ, who I think is really scared of me.

Monday: Hard work at uni. Completely nackered after looong weekend. Went to PR tutorial and found out I passed that mid-sem exam. Does God provide or what? Mind you... it was a conceded pass. But a pass is a pass, and Joy is happy! Walked to work and set off the alarm *cough* - never planning to do that EVER again. Had Production Team meeting and man... I'm EXCITED!!

Tuesday: More uni work. Uni sucks. Hahaa... no - not true. Uni's just hard. *grrrrowling* Got dressed up fancy-schmancy for the GLP launch and had some wine & yummy food with Rhia and Amardeep before listening to very inspiring words about studying overseas, internationalisation, global leadership and not standing still in a world that needs people to move it... ;o)

Wednesday: Late night means late rise. Tried getting to uni to work on assignments to no avail. Was reminded of my love for "Regurgitator" in high school during P/M tutorial. Met a lot of nice people who bought chocolate, and spoke to a lot of (*ahem* cute) guys. Praise God. Hahahaha... Met up with Dom & the YFC WYD pilgrims @ the Cathedral and WOW - I'm excited for that too! Funny: Irish dancing battle outside Maccas. Eh?

Thursday: What a funny day. Rain, rain and more rain. Tried to study, tried to do report. Ended up skitzing out and giving up - especially after computer crashed. Had meeting in afternoon. Woohoo - great results! Late night on the phone. Finished assignment at 2:40am after losing half of it.

Friday: Emailed Dr Stephen, and went back to bed feeling absolutely awful in the head. Slept all day (Jason Mraz) and got up for work... and a fun night @ Livo with the SPYers @ Salt & Light. Praise God! Hope they take their faith back home and spread it to the rest of the youth... ;o)

Saturday: Cleaning/tidying of extremely messy room. Organising of uni junk and German homework. Slipping into random stories of my fave group of ppl who I was obsessed with in high school. Procrastinating.
It's 4:01pm and I'm still in my pjamas. Time to shower and get to work.

garghhh...

Yes I was attacking you.

I wish I knew how to talk to you. I wish I knew how to communicate with you, but you just don't seem to want to communicate with me, and since communication is a two-phase process [ask Jim Macnamaran - I'm a media student damn it!], communication doesn't look easy between the two of us.
You close all your doors, and lock all the windows, and it makes me feel like I'm asking so much to just get a word in with you - so now you've just left me frustrated.
I know you don't mean to be like this. I know this is just how you are. And that makes me feel even worse... because I love you to bits, but you're just so impossible sometimes! And you don't even know it!!!

I don't want to pry, I don't want to know your secrets. But I do wish I could tell you what was on my mind without me feeling like I'm disappointing you, or demanding anything from you.

You're a good person. There's so much I admire in you.
But I look at you and I never know what to do.
And I swear... one day, you will make me explode!

in the zone

In the comp labs @ uni...
Feeling somewhat inspired, because I managed to sell 48 chocolates in about forty minutes of attempting. Praise God? PRAISE GOD! Hehehe... uni students are in such dire need for sustenance, and I met some cool first year ppl while I was at it.

Hmmm... hey there's a cute guy in my MAS class. He's got the rugged hair under the baseball cap thing happening. Today I was just hiding under my GK hat, hoping he didn't notice me smiling... why? Coz today he was sporting a WWJD band. Teehee... *sigh* That's God's wink for me - He's telling me that somewhere out there, there's a fella, growing in faith. Wooohooo!

Anyway, I'm blogging because I'm procrastinating. I've got a business briefing to write up and have no motivation to do it.

And then a little voice inside me says... "Our God is a God of excellence. Strive in EXCELLENCE in all you do!!" And that's sooo much harder than it sounds - but that's enough motivation for me!

Peace out & rock on...

global leader

...A true leader is one who has the courage to make the right decision that puts the longterm benefit of others at top priority, before short-term self-interests...
[Paraphrased from GLP Inauguration Speach by Richard Butler - Former UN weapons inspector]

Do not sit there and allow yourself to be lied to, shunned or ignored.

Stand up.
Stand out.
Let your voice be heard.
Be the one who makes a difference.
Get off that lazy ass and do something with your life!

GIFT...

Luke-inspired stream of consciousness:
"GIFT: Growing In Faith Together."

No matter they call your perfect match "God's gift." Not only is that person an undeserved blessing, but also a companion whom you share the journey of "Growing in Faith Together..."*awww*

Today was as much empowering as it was exhausting. If you'd told me two or three years ago that I'd be spending over 10hours in a church on a Sunday, I would have laughed.
But there I was - and I witnessed God's grace so abundantly amongst the trials, the tiredness and the tests of faith.

With each opportunity to fall comes the equal opportunity to make God our stronghold.

;o)

One day... our paths will cross.
One day... I'll know your name.
One day... we'll share our dreams.
One day... you'll feel the same.

One day... our God will say:
"On this day... I'll let this start."
One day... we will begin
A day that brings love to our hearts.

One day... our lives will cross.
One day... I'll reach for you.
One day... we'll both find that
Today... you were reaching too.
Y

cover

Roanne says: "Cover your ass.... All sides of it."

Good advice. Hahaaa...

More than a feeling

I was never a fan of passivity. I guess I just can't sit there and not do anything about the state our world is in.

My hope? That God empowers you. That God moves you. That you see more than just another day to get through, or just another bit of time to kill. My hope is that you will not only see, but experience... feel... and be
empowered by the change that you could possibly make in this world.

You were born to make a difference!

Can't you see? Even the smallest bit of sand makes a difference on a beautiful beach. That tiny crack in the dam can lead to the biggest flood. Just open up your heart, and let Him work in you.

The sky is your limit. THERE ARE NO LIMITS. Your chance to make a difference, your chance to do something great, your chance to MAKE BEAUTY, your chance to PUT HEAVEN ON EARTH is HERE AND NOW.

My prayer? That you will find the passion to live each day like it was your last. That you will go to the places where God wants you to be, and that your presence will bring love to those you meet. That you will acknowledge the very miracle that is your life. That you will accept that he made you beautifully. That you will see how much potential is in your soul, and that it would be FREE if you would just set it free. That you will find the reason to get up early, get up happy and get up ready to TAKE ON THE WORLD and all it'll throw at you.

My vision? You are praising Him - not with your words, but with your life. Not with your thoughts, but with your actions. You will travel the rough terrains. You will blaze trails and conquer trials. You will leave behind the excess baggage. You will brave through storms. You will challenge the system. You will achieve your dreams. You will smile. You will discover happiness.

YOU WILL SUCCEED.

Love is...

Love is never about chance - it's is always about choice.
Patience, kindness, humility... is all about choice.

Choose to try.
Choose to be free.
Choose to fly.
Choose to find peace.

Choose to push on.
Choose to find love.
Choose to let go.
Choose to let God.


I have chosen You... but first You'd chosen ME.
And I will not underestimate the price You chose to pay...

Because of Your choice... I choose now to be FREE,
And because You chose love, I will choose You today.

should be...

Sleeping! I should be asleep! But I'm awake... and will be again in a few hours. But that's ok - I'll sleep soon!

Hey so I wanna honour my mission partner. He seriously rocks! If you don't know him, then you should meet him, because he sure is one funny guy. But that's not why he rocks - that's just one of the reasons why he's cool. Nah... he rocks because he knows how to pry open the deepest secrets in me and let me talk my story out over dinner as if it's all normal. And I guess the thing is - it is normal. Hahaha... Ah... what a legend. I'm lucky to have a guy who accepts me for who I am... and is willing to serve God. I'M SO EXCITED! And so now I'm calm.. and I've realised that God really does know how to work miracles. I think him testifying the way God has been working in him affirms me... I really want him to come to Europe!
[new project] Hehehe.. I can hear his voice: "Let's do this!" Ahaha...

So...Tonight was fish. Which also meant tonight was Ian. Ha! [personal joke, sorry]

Ok... so I'm in bed and I love these brown pants. They're my favourite bed-time item. And the sheets are white and blue, and my sister is asleep and the lamp is bright and "Miles Apart" is playing, and even though my list of things to do is ridiculously never ending... I'm just.. HAPPY.

Happy because no matter how frustrating and impossible things seem to be getting [this afternoon the library with Nez - man I'm sooo sorry!] - God knows how to provide.

And it's the love of God that I fall for in people!!!

Golden List for 050505...
- Email from Amardeep that totally brightened up my night. Miss my HS buddies, can't wait til next Tuesday & Richard Butler.
- Dinner date with Ryan & Ian. FISH!!!! Hahaha...
- Good shoulders to cry on.
- Good brother to laugh with, talk about life & service and ... *sigh* love... ;0)
- Patient and loving buddy who knows how to bring my heart closer to God, even when I feel completely unworthy and stupid...
- Beautiful Autumn weather. I love my country!!!!
- My parents
- My sisters
- My God.
- My household(s)
- SPY kids who are so wonderfully faithful & loyal and full of God's innocent and honest love..
- Bus buddies who empathise with my uni dilemmas [Wednesday morning finishing readings next to Adrian! You're cool man!]
- Butterflies.

SHOULD BE...
Faithful always.
Happy always.
Trusting always.
Strong always.
Believing always.
JOYFUL... always... ;)

random #67

On the phone:

Joy says: Why are boys so stupid?!!
Jonna: Because that's how God made them.

Buhahaha.. oh the wisdom of a good friend. =P

wrap your head around...

The Question:
Jen asked, "How do you stay so active and so calm at the same time...?"

The Anwer(s??):
In my head, "Since when was I calm? I'm not calm. I'm stressed. I'm stressed and my head hurts, and I wish it would find a pillow or a shoulder - anything warm really - and just cuddle into it instead feeling like it's been slammed into a brick wall."
In my heart,"Ask Jesus. He was a pro... [pause] I think they it's something to do with faith? Wish I knew what that really was... well - I do, I'm just finding it hard to stick by it."
In my dreams... "Oh for sure - I've got everything under control!" ;)

Herein are my responses to the current challenges that I'm trying so desperately to keep from bringing me down:

- Health: Eat a big breakfast. Or a healthy one at the very least. McDonald's or DCM coffee, or a packet of Burger Rings does NOT suffice. I'm talking fruit, cereal and juice or a glass of milk.

- Low Morale: Can only be combated with a strong, centred positive attitude. Easy to say, but difficult to find, I know - and the only place to discover it is in Christ, who lovingly reminds us today: "I am the way, the truth and the life." *sigh* I have such a loving brother. Isn't He sweet? He knows all the answers.

- People who let me down: Stay positive and remember that Christ's image is in them too, no matter what they do/say [or in this particular case - fail to do or say] It sucks to feel like the only doing anything or working hard, but realistically... it is God who is at work in us doing the good, not us. And we should never underestimate what others have done. My heart is hurting, and I feel like hurricanes are blowing me from place to place... but again - stay centred. "The Lord is my stronghold..."

- Feeling unprepared: Only God's time is the right time. [Nereus explain that one to me again?? Kyros. *cough*] No matter what we've done, only HE knows when to do things. So again - the final word is this: SURRENDER. Not out of defeat, but out of faith. Faith that he will provide, if you simply allow him. Remember: Faith isn't about witnessing miracles; it's about not needing to.

- Feeling out of place: Look for His face in the face of others. Don't be afraid to ask for help, and especially, don't be afraid to PRAY.

- Not knowing how to love: Replace the word "love" in 1 Cor 13:4-8 with "Jesus," and finally, with your own name. *sigh* And then you'll know what you have to do to fix your life and your relationships. And then what? And then you take a good, long hard look in the mirror and remind yourself that to love others, you must love yourself first.

Things to do:
- ICOM Business Briefing
- PR Presentation
- MAS Sound & Video Mix
- Terra Retreat & plan Term 2 mtngs
- Chase up stage design for concert.. and everthing else
- PRAY PRAY PRAY PRAY PRAY PRAY PRAY PRAY PRAY... and then when you think you've done enough... PRAY SOME MORE.. ;o)

back into the scheme of things

I won't pretend that I'm not feeling somewhat overwhelmed. I feel like everywere I go someone's trying to bite off a piece of me, and the biting's getting harder and the chunks are getting bigger, and it's almost like there won't be much left soon.
I'm the in MAS comp labs. Ouch... realising how incredibly behind I am in terms of my major workshop project - the video component is due next Wednesday and the sound component was due three weeks ago [where on earth did the whole of April go????!!!]
I also just got a message from one of the SPY kids about being disappointed in people who are doing the "double-life" thang* - you know, being holy at church but a heathen everywhere else. Hahaha... I'm just kidding - lighten up!
Ok ok... *hanging head in shame* it's a serious problem. I guess my only current response to that... is today's Gospel passage:

"Amen, amen I say to you, whoever believes in me will do the works that I do, and will do greater ones than these, because I am going to the Father. And whatever you ask in my name, I will do, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son. If you ask anything of me in my name, I will do it."

Brings back sweet GAT memories [oh how I miss the white sand at Borocay, and the kids hanging off Ryan's arms in Brookside. I even miss the cold showers and the tabo... *sigh*]

Ok ok... my head hurts. Apologies for that nostalgic stream of thought.

But if ever I forget what it is I'm doing this for... remind me about the time I knelt on the cold hard ground in ALPADI and cried so hard because I knew - God had a plan for me, and I was willing to climb mountains, step off the shores and cross rivers to be by His side.

Tell me what You want me to do, Lord God / Tell me what You want for my life / It's Yours, Oh God it's Yours / Do Your will / Have You're Way / Be in Lord God in this place / For I want Your will to be done...

*sigh*

high maintenance

My brain is on overload after once of the longest days of learning I've had in my life: 10am-9pm. Eeep... my eyes hurt and so does my brain. I wonder if all the information will fall out of my head when I lie down to dream tonight. Hahaha... it wouldn't surprise me!

Meanwhile, how did 3hours of my life slip by all of a sudden? I sat at this computer after I arrived home from German class and suddenly it's 12:34am. What the???
Mir geht es verwirrt.

The things on my mind right now:
- Long week ahead with lots of time with God. Praise God!
- Concert. OMG. Four weeks.
- Lots of assignments. As in... 14 due in the next 7 weeks. Whoopitodooeey!
- I feel like an idiot when I'm at uni.
- Jennifer was so nice today. And she wants to come to the concert!
- How I love and hate challenges.
- German homework: revise Grammar and memorise food and drinks vocabulary.
- PR theory and the concept of branding celebrities and global leaders.- Needing: Video camera for MAS308 Major Video Project
- Blah blah blah blah
- My brain is frazzled
- I need gingko.
- My uni rocks on an autumn day.
- EUROPE EUROPE EUROPE - Harvest, can you call me already!!
- Oh dear, I finish uni at 9pm tomorrow and start at 9am the next day. AGHHH!!!
- GO TO SLEEP JOY!
- The Five Love Languages for Singles [Gary Chapman]
- The following books have been loaned out from the library and are sitting on my desk making me feel intelligent: [they call it denial of selfhood]

**Current Issues In Business Ethics
**Business Ethics & The Law
**Between Tradition and Modernity
**Daring Leadership
**Perspectives in Business Ethics
**Public Relation's Handbook
**How to write and pitch your Press Release
**Using German
**A Practice Grammar of German [who wrote the title for that one???]
**Making Business Writing Happen
**Business Report Writing

- I can look forward to... Mass tomz.
- Being enlightened by My Father.

- Luke and his advice today: pretend the person next to me in class is Jesus. Then it's like spending time with him... *Awww*

- Carson London. I think I kind of miss you.
- Oh crap.
- Pacey and Jericho.... oh you give me tingles and you'll never know it because you don't believe in reading blogs!!! Ha! Well then... too bad for you huh?!

- BLARGH. Go to SLEEP!!!

mandarin seeds

Hmmph! I'm exhausted. Physically. Mentally. Emotionally. Somewhat disappointed, but elated. Yep - can't even figure myself out.
Sitting at bedroom, and the only part of my body that give sign of life are my fingers weakly typing at the black keys on silver laptop, and cramps in lower abdomen area. Someone shoot me please!

Right now: I'm consuming the first mandarin of the season. Happy MAYday by the way - it's the first day of May...

On a deeper, less enjoyable note: there are tsunamis of emotions tearing down the walls in my heart. I feel like everything I know and am familiar with is being knocked senseless and turned into rubble. Is this God's way of "building me up??" I guess one needs to tear down the old to build the new... ay?

Well. There's definitely someone hammering away at the concrete. And he doesn't even know it. And the worst part? We hardly exchange a single word...


More Than Love - Los Lonely Boys ... if you're wondering what the heck that's about - ask Sav! *wink!* Hahahaha...

Party hard my friends. The holidays are over.