Lessons I have learnt today:
- Always spell-check your cv. Your credibility as a future employee is not supported when you can't spell your own name, company, or basic terminology like "cheque," "vehicle," and "professional."
- Business should always adopt a filing system that people can easily understand, that ensures efficiency and easy location of needed files. It will save a lot of time and sanity.
- One way to make a person feel like crap is not to offer them something you've offered everyone else in the room. The item can be as simple as a smile or a cup of coffee... or as elaborate as love.
- Technical problems will grow as a fast as technology develops.
- Ignoring someone when they reach out for comfort is a sure way of cutting them deep and losing their trust in you.
- Laughter is a temporary - but often underestimated - source of stress relief.
- Sleep, in all its pricelessness and speed, can never be caught up to.
- Never do things just because it feels right at the time. This rule includes things like buying clothes, sending an sms that could possibly be misinterpreted, kissing someone who you're not ready to commit to, kissing back, racist jokes, maxing your credit card, gossiping or shaving your eyebrows.
- If you must OD on anything during your lifetime, make sure it's water, or faith in something stronger than yourself.
- Hope (despite its nature to lead you to dangerous territory that with high-risk hurt) is the essence of progression and achievement. No one would strive for anything if they didn't believe (just a bit) that it was possible.
- Never underestimate the time saver of colour coding and alphabetising.
- Just as cooking is hard when you're hungry, prayer is hard when you're hurt and dry. But both are essential to live life with vibrance.
- Just because people appear confident, it doesn't make them any less weak. Strong people will falter, and all heroes have their kryptonite. Even God died a brutal death. Whether it is tears of humiliation or bloody sweat, one must not be judged by how strong or weak they are, or what makes them fall. Rather, one mustn't judge at all.
- Band-aids of all shapes and sizes are appreciated by a wounded soldier.
- Hearts are fragile. Sometimes keeping distance due to fear of breaking one is more admirable than fighting for one you don't intend to nurture.
- Trust in the midst of turmoil is the true test of a worthy warrior. Anyone can be brave from a safe distance... but only the worthy still hope as they are wounded and dying.
- The person who invented beds probably never comprehended that their invention would be the subject of almost every person's dream at some time or other... in the same way, your small and simple contribution to the world may have impact on those you will never meet. Don't underestimate that.
Thursday, June 30, 2005
fundamental lack of discipline
Wednesday, June 29, 2005
agitated, anxious, concerned, distressed, nervous, unsettled.... just to mention a few =(
I don't know what it exactly, but the last few months of June have been absolutely drastic. Right now I'm seated at my desk after having experienced once of the most tumultous mornings of all reception history - got to work late (damn the cold I tell you!!), my phone isn't working (thus making it slightly difficult to do my job as a receptionist and office support), all the computers had to be shut down because the tech people had to fix the network (IT people are CRAZY, no doubt about it), and in my attempt to get work (i.e. filing) done while the power was off, the filing cabinet fell. And by fell, I mean on me. Hahahaa... no wait - that's not funny.
The cookie jar that was sitting on top of it came crashing to the floor and all of a sudden I was holding about fifty files with my left and a silver 3-shelved filing cabinet with my right (when I said I wanted to do weights to get fit, I really didn't mean it like that). I pushed it up and saved the cappucino machine just in time. Hahaha... and then had to go COLES in my lunch break to get a dust-pan to sweep up the cookie crumbs and glass. GOOD FUN. =|
Right now... my Nokia earphones are on. I'm trying to listen to happy music... but it's not working. I just want to crawl under a bed and wait til it's over. And the ugly morning has done nothing to alleviate the unsettled feeling that has nestled comfortably in my head, my stomach, and my heart. I can think of a number of reasons (or people) that explain why I feel so awful, but I'll just pretend it's coz it's the end of the month and the financial year. Hahaha. Besides... feeling like crap is my justification for 2 days of retail therapy.
Here I am... feeling totally uninspired, totally drained, totally worthless, totally ugly and totally unhappy.
Well... not totally...
Tell me what you want me to do Lord God, tell me what you want for my life... it's YOURS Oh God... IT'S YOURS... do your will, have your way, be Lord God in this place... coz I want your will to be done.
Monday, June 27, 2005
monday morning rain is falling...
Cityrail still can't handle rain. I got into work late today because the train to the city stopped at Macdonaldtown and for some unbeknown reason decided it wasn't going to start moving for another ten minutes.
But now I'm at my desk, with a small fruit salad, yoghurt and muesli for breakfast. (Should I confess that I already scoffed down a chocolate muffin before we even reached Strathfield?)
HRmm... I don't like the feeling in me right about now. Something to do with apprehension, dread and yuck yuck yuck. The week ahead doesn't look very promising - but the end of the week does. BRISBANE baby! Yeah!!!
*sigh*
Craving: snuggles, warm hugs, leaning on shoulder, soothing voice, sweet morning music.
Saturday, June 25, 2005
Page 594
She stands at the entrance of the Louvre in awe at its majesty. The delicately carved pillars. The history in its walls. The grandeur of its contents. Paris, known for its incessant nightlife, is surprisingly quiet at this hour. She pulls the sleeves of her jacket to cover her hands - a late breeze is pushing the soft rain harder into her skin. But it does not deter her from the lure of exploring. The streets are lit with a soft, yellow glow, reflecting the damp pavement and creating an incadescent playground of mystery and dreams.
She takes a step forward. The ground is solid. It is real. She moves towards the rotating doors of one of the world's most famous buildings, and suddenly the scene comes to life. There has been a commotion here recently. There are voices inside the building, sounding panicked and uptight. Someone is barking orders, and suddenly a group of armed men turn the corner and run straight past her, swearing under their breath in fluent French. She attempts to speak to one of them, Excusem moi, s'il vous plaît, savez-vous que je fais ici? There is no answer - they have already left.
Despite the eery darkness, her feet take her across the marble floor, and she realises there is a crime scene further down the gallery. Why doesn't anyone notice my footsteps? she wonders, glancing down. She realises that she is still wearing the socks she'd slipped on before crawling into bed. Hmmm... it won't be much fun cleaning these...
Before her rationality sends her back home, she glances up and realises she is standing right in front of the dead body of Jacques Sauniere. Your name will soon become a legend, she tells him, watching the photographers gather evidence. Writers have a tendency to create legends, and soon, along with Dan Brown and all of his other characters, you'll be one of them. She turns her heel to leave the scene and begins walking down the gallery, realising that the prime benefit of visiting a Parisian tourist destination in her pjamas at such an awkward hour was that she was free to wander around without being harrassed or smothered. She finds herself eyeing The Last Supper in awe, wondering if Da Vinci's code has any relevance to her life back at home.
Her imagination churns images of underground chambers of the Depository Bank of Zurich, private jets spawning cloudless colours of the European sky at dusk, the frail pages of the Magdalene diaries, the black, stone tombs of praised knights, and the grass outside the Rosslyn Chapel near Edinburgh. There is a yearning and sense of anticipation of an adventure so close to her heart. Bring me there... She whispers, reaching for the golden cruciform that lay wedged in the corner of one of Da Vinci's most controversial paintings. She feels it in her fingers and considers the intricacies of its design. So well thoughtout, she thinks.
Breathing a deep sigh, she puts it back in its place, and moves towards the Louvre exit. After a few hours of undisturbed reading, she finds herself at the other end of a suspense-filled mystery. Having travelled around Paris, flown to London, and followed each character with undeterred eagerness, the questions in her mind are now at ease, and the puzzles neatly in place.
Yet she still has a sense of nervousness. She closes her eyes...
...I'll be there soon... I'll be breathing Parisian air, I'll be walking the cobbled streets of London, I'll be waking up to the scent of Europe. I'll be hearing the chatter of locals, tasting the foreign adventures and warming myself in the company of equally rivitted travellers. I will touch the walls of the Louvre, stare into the face of Big Ben, and traverse the steps to the Vatican...
A tremor of restlessness whispers through her veins as the exhiliration builds. As she opens her eyes, her gaze is fixed on the numbers glowing on the desk next to her bed. Back in the warmth of her room, the reality of Europe flies back into the lodgings of a very hopeful mind, and the awkwardly skewed hands of her clock indicate one very clear message: put the story away - its time to sleep.
Thursday, June 23, 2005
the wrong day for a skirt
Ok. Well. This is my life right now:
- In corporate work attire.
- Wishing I'd had enough time to find a clean pair of pants, as opposed to ugly coffee-coloured skirt that is going to be the death of me when I get onto Pitt St.
- Thinking about Europe
- Reading the Da Vinci code
- Wanting a day off from life itself
- I'm somewhat neurotic about my work area. i.e. everything is now arranged at a right angle on my desk. Sorry about that...
- I'm gonna miss working here when I finish next week.
- Conference... WOOHOOO!
- High School Based camp
- Terra meeting tomorrow. Good times ahead!! YEAH!
High lighters and other such cool stationery keep my happy. Yes... I'm psychotic. I know. My bad.
Ok... wish my luck. It's a killer of a Winter night out there, and now I've got to teach a song in Latin to 400 WYD delegates. Aghhh..
how to forgive
One day a while back, a man, his heart heavy with grief, was walking in the woods. As he thought about his life this day, he knew many things were not right. He thought about those who had lied about him back when he had a job.
His thoughts turned to those who had stolen his things and cheated him. He remembered family that had passed on. His mind turned to the illness he had that no one could cure. His very soul was filled with anger, resentment and frustration.
Standing there this day, searching for answers he could not find, knowing all else had failed him, he knelt at the base of an old oak tree to seek the one he knew would always be there. And with tears in his eyes, he prayed:
"Lord- You have done wonderful things for me in this life. You have told me to do many things for you, and I happily obeyed. Today, you have told me to forgive. I am sad, Lord, because I cannot. I don't know how. It is not fair Lord. I didn't deserve these wrongs that were done against me and I shouldn't have to forgive. As perfect as your way is Lord, this one thing I cannot do, for I don't know how to forgive. My anger is so deep Lord, I fear I may not hear you, but I pray that you teach me to do this one thing I cannot do - Teach me To Forgive."
As he knelt there in the quiet shade of that old oak tree, he felt something fall onto his shoulder. He opened his eyes. Out of the corner of one eye, he saw something red on his shirt. He could not turn to see what it was because where the oak tree had been was a large square piece of wood in the ground. He raised his head and saw two feet held to the wood with a large spike through them.
He raised his head more, and tears came to his eyes as he saw Jesus hanging on a cross. He saw spikes in His hands, a gash in His side, a torn and battered body, deep thorns sunk into His head Finally he saw the suffering and pain on His precious face. As their eyes met, the man's tears turned to sobbing, and Jesus began to speak.
"Have you ever told a lie?" He asked? The man answered - "yes, Lord."
"Have you ever been given too much change and kept it?"
The man answered - " yes. Lord." And the man sobbed more and more.
Have you ever taken something from work that wasn't yours?" Jesus asked?
And the man answered - "yes, Lord."
"Have you ever sworn, using my Father's name in vain?"
The man, crying now, answered - "yes, Lord."
As Jesus asked many more times, "Have you ever...?" The man's crying became uncontrollable, for he could only answer - "yes, Lord."
Then Jesus turned His head from one side to the other, and the man Felt something fall on his other shoulder. He looked and saw that it was the blood of Jesus. When he looked back up, his eyes met those of Jesus, and there was a look of love the man had never seen or known before.
Jesus said, "I didn't deserve this either, but I forgive you."
It may be hard to see how you're going to get through something, but when you look back in life, you realize how true this statement is:
If God brings you to it - He will bring you through it.
Lord I love You and I need You, come into my heart, today. For without You I can do nothing.
Tuesday, June 21, 2005
random #73
proof that God is romantic
*sigh* Yes, it does feel good to be free from uni. Five semesters down. Seven more to go... AHAHAHAHA... But after a month of venting and absolute kerfuffle in my head, I feel somewhat lighter tonight.
Again, I was thinking about GAT tonight. Partly because I'll be going on my next overseas adventure in around six weeks. SIX WEEKS! WOW... My heart is pounding. I got all sentimental and went downstairs about half an hour ago, moved around some enormous boxes (that's my month's worth of weight-lifting ticked off the to-do list), and discovered my crate full of journals.
I don't know what it is that makes me write a copious amount of journal entries each season, but there is something cool about being able to dig into a box and find myself back in the plane on the way to Philippines, or sitting in the hall at ALPADI listening to full-time missionaries talk about living life on the edge, or holding hands and laughing with the little boy at Brookside, or reliving last year's HH retreat, or my final contracts exam, or the eight days in Melbourne last July, or reading the post-it prayers that I wrote myself during second sem last year...
Tonight I'm feeling sentimental and hopeful. I'm praying for my mission partner, for his heart, and for our service. I'm praying for HSB, for the plans God has in all our lives, and especially... but our ability to trust in Him and notice the "Godwinks" that remind us that He's thinking of us, and wanting us to be happy.
So when Roanne sliced open the Papaya and found this:
I couldn't help but laugh. Why not? Hahaha... it might look simple to YOU. But things like that make me laugh and giddy inside. Hahaha...
Even the mug of Milo looked somewhat starry... ;o) Sad, I know... but my version of "answered prayers" and coincidental inspiration.
I found a letter that I wrote to one of my friends in July 04 on the final night of our road trip to Melbourne. I laughed when I found it because I gave a detailed description of how I'd made the Milo that I was drinking as I wrote the letter... Here's an excerpt -
"God really disturbed me at this year's OLC. So now there's a big keruffle of thoughts in my jumbled little brain - I'll try to list them and get some order.
- How in love I am with God
- How hard it is to truly surrender EVERYTHING - especially when letting go hurts
- Needing to heal
- Farts
- Dirty clothes in the laundry
- Terra and what we're gonna do for these kids
- St Pat's Youth
- I hate it when people are distant
- People are snoring and you are one of them
- How tired my legs are
- GK777 and how I need to simplify my life
- What to do and where to go with uni
- "Gawad pa ibig, gawad kalinda..." (cue the woodwind instruments, drumroll and auto-inspiration! (*tear!)
- Seeing you cry
- Mocktails
- Courage and trying to do what God is whispering..."
**So... you tell me. Has anything changed much?
Monday, June 20, 2005
guitar-loving
Can't you see that it's just rainin'
There ain't no need to go outside
But baby, you hardly even notice
When I try to show you
this song is meant to keep you
From doin' what you're supposed to
Like wakin' up too early
Maybe we could sleep in
I'll make you banana pancakes
Pretend like it's the weekend now
And we could pretend it all the time
Can't you see that it's just rainin'
There ain't no need to go outside
...
Because I love to lay here lazy
We could close the curtains
Pretend like there's no world outside
And we could pretend that all the time
Can't you see that it's just raining
There ain't no need to go outside
Ain't no need, ain't no need
Can't you see, can't you see
Rain all day and I don't mind
The telephone singing, ringing,
It's too early - don't pick it up
We don't need to
We got everything we need right here
And everything we need is enough
It's just so easy...
When the whole world fits inside of your arms
Do we really need to pay attention to the alarm?
Wake up slow, wake up slow
But baby, you hardly even notice
When I try to show you
This song is meant to keep you
From doin' what you're supposed to
Like wakin' up too early
Maybe we could sleep in
I'll make you banana pancakes
Pretend like it's the weekend now
And we could pretend it all the time
Can't you see that it's just rainin'
There ain't no need to go outside
Ain't no need, ain't no need
Rain all day and I really, really, really don't mind
Can't you see, can't you see
We've got to wake up slow
---------------------
["Banana Pancakes" by Jack Johnson]
I like: people who make music that can move my insides and get me all tingly / lyrics that were written with good thoughts and intentions / funny people! / people forever young at heart / those who are willing and peaceful / happy thoughts / days when the sun is bright / Summer / when prayers are heard / when hope prevails / when people appreciate lazy days / long phonecalls / when he's laughing / when the unexpected comes true / wit / dreaming about possiblities / unpredictability / controlled chaos / gibberish / excitement ...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY AMARDEEP!!!
Sunday, June 19, 2005
frus·trate:
1. To prevent from accomplishing a purpose or fulfilling a desire;
2. To cause feelings of discouragement or bafflement in;
3. To make ineffectual or invalid; nullify.
_______________________
It's Sunday morning and the heater is on. The sun is out, and it's mighty tempting to jump out my bedroom window to run away, but I guess I'm stuck here until I write another 1000 words.
So why am I blogging? I've been writing pointless entries about the kerfuffle in my room and my head all week, and I really do feel sorry for the people who read this - you must be sick of my whinging about uni.
But here I am, praising God that I'm awake this early, despite being soooo exhausted, but I just don't feel... AT PEACE.
I'm bloody terrified. Writer's block is a strange thing, but it sure as hell paralyzes me to the point where I can stare at my notes, all the sources that I've analysed, the authors I have quoted... and still come up with absolutely nothing.
And no-one knows how to get me out of this hole I've dug myself into - yes, I already know I should have handed it in ten days ago, I already know that it's my fault for having not done it during the semester when I knew it was due, I already know I'd planned to have it complete before the REVELATION concert.... duh I'm not an idiot! Why do people want to remind me about the possibilities of failing this subject, or passing another day without having handed this assignment in..? I already know these things.
And so I'm feeling really lonely. And lost and... FRUSTRATED.
___________________________
My muscles are not moving,
My eyes are extra sore,
I know that I can do this,
But I don't want to anymore!
I'm searching for the answer
But my engine is so slow
- I hate that I can't articulate
The things I say I know.
I'm bursting for the freedom
That this cage has kept from me
I've reached the end of tolerance
And can't find the @#*$^! key.
PLEASE pray for my survival.
I have other things to do.
I've worked so hard to get this far
But can't wait til this is through.
Friday, June 17, 2005
the act of complete surrender
The whole earth falls to its knees at the sound of your beautiful name... and all the voices of the world unify today to bring you this song of praise... [Hillsong - Australia]
ON MY PLAYLIST: "Testify" by Avalon, "Unify" by Hillsong, "For the Moments I Feel Faint" by Relient K, "Constant Reminder" by Jireh, "Here Is My Heart" by Out of Eden & the Katinas, "Two Beds & A Coffee Machine" by Savage Garden, "Most Beautiful Girl" by Nu Flavor, "Passenger Seat" by Stephen Speaks, "Dreams Be Dreams" by Jack Johnson, "In Your Eyes" by Ben Harper... and the list goes on...
ON MY BED: Purple bed spread, a tiger, rabbit, donkey, two pillows, a laptop, and a very... very... VERY sleep-deprived twenty-year-old.
ON MY WHITEBOARD: 5 sheets of A4 paper with a lot of PR notes and uni thoughts scribbled in texta.
ON MY FACE: Eye bags, acne, tear stains... and a small smile.
ON MY MIND: Unfinished business. The one-on-one that I've wanted to have but haven't had the guts to ask for. Wake me up when Summer comes back. Music is food for the soul. Hmmm... food. Words of encouragement. Laughing. Teasing. God and learning how to trust. Stress. I love my friends... and the ways they love me.
ON THE AGENDA: Sleep. Early morning wake-up call and PR essay. Prayers. Dreams about summer sands, long afternoons in the sun, snuggles on a warm couch, walks in the morning, prayers in a church, and songs to be seranaded.
and if one voice will sing together, then this will be our song forever... my love is not my own. it all belongs to You...and after all You've done the least that i can do... is live my life in every part... only to please my Father's heart...
...because i am completely helpless
*eyes slowly drooping...*fingers... falling... off.... keyboard... staring... out... window....* ....gone....*
Thursday, June 16, 2005
Ben Harper kicks!
**CUE his ACOUSTIC GUITAR... oh am I so in love or what?!**
Joy is currently in the multimedia labs exploiting the ability to sing at the top of her lungs along with the sounds coming out of speakers of the Apple Macs... *sigh* Oh the likes of Ben Harper and Jack Johnson... heroic I tell you!
just run to the arms of the one who loves you...
IN YOUR EYES
[Ben Harper acoustic version]
Love... I get so lost, sometimes
days pass and this emptiness fills my heart
When I want to run away
I drive off in my car
- but whichever way I choose
I come back to the place you are
And all my instincts, they return
and the grand facade, so soon will burn
without a noise, without my pride
I reach out from the inside...
In your eyes
the light the heat
(In your eyes)
I am complete
I see the doorway to a thousand churches
The resolution of all the fruitless searches
Oh I see the light and the heat
Yes I want to be that complete
I want to touch the light
the heat I see in your eyes...
Love, I don't like to see so much pain
so much wasted and each moment is slipping away
I get so tired of working so hard for our survival
I look to this time with you to keep me awake and alive...
And all my instincts, they return
and the grand facade, so soon will burn
without a noise, without my pride
I reach out from the inside...
In your eyes
the light the heat
I am complete (In your eyes)
I see the doorway to a thousand churches (In your eyes)
The resolution of all my fruitless searches (In your eyes)
Oh I see the light and the heat
Yes I want to be that complete
I want to touch the light
the heat I see in your eyes... ooh in your eyes...
schlafmützig
Tuesday, June 14, 2005
Day 12: The Study Zone is GETTING CLAUSTROPHOBIC
Ahahaha... yes I'm an art student and writer. What can I say?
Gargh... what a day. It's been great actually.. but it's hard for my brain to keep functioning. It hurts. Hahahaha...
So today was a beautiful Winter day. It actually doesn't really feel like Winter this year. Not that I'm complaining... I went for a walk jsut before midday and the breeze blew in my face and wrapped itself around my grey jumper and brown pants. The sky looked brilliant... the clouds were picture-perfect. God was alive in the weather. And I felt like everything kind of started to fit together.
Hrrmmmzzz..
Thinking: Essay needs to be written about dilemmas in ethical behaviour with corporations who seek to maximise profit for shareholders.
Reading: Quote on my whiteboard that says, "Every word of every story, every star in every sky... every corner of creation... lives to TESTIFY."
Hoping: That my body lets me stay awake to finish this essay.
Wanting: A lazy day on a couch with my best buddies, a stack of Star Wars movies, a whole heap of junk food, and not a care in the world.
Dreaming: About Europe. Less than two months and I'll be GREECE baby!!! Summer sands... ooh yeah.
Closing: my eyes. No Joy. NOO!! Stay awake.
Tasting: My mum's lovely cooking. Ah yes... I should really learn how to cook.
Reaching: For my ICOM notes.
Feeling: Care-free and kinda stressed at the same time.
Needing: A mood ring. HAHAHAHA...
***
Dear Lord... I pray for all the young people who don't know you yet. I hope that in their own way, they're experiencing your love. Please watch over them, look after them, and give them peace.
I pray for all the people who are feeling kinda lonely. Or kinda timid. Or kinda hopeless. Or kinda stressed. I pray for their hearts, that you might brighten them somehow, with a small flame of EXCITEMENT and HAPPINESS.
the nostalgic benefits of Milo
I'm not going to complain about being in the situation though. The torture of handing in assignments late and going to bed late (or not going to bed at all, as the case may be today) is a miniscule price to pay, for the victories already experienced in the latter half of 2005.
Right now... my bedroom mirror (despite having had postmodern theory deconstructed on its surface in black whiteboard marker), looks cleaner than it has for months before tonight. I can't say the same for the exhausted face looking into it though.
So... I'm belly down on my bedroom floor, and it's pretty warm in here for a Winter's night. Just finished off a mug of Milo. Decided not to opt for coffee, because I told Nez I wasn't going to commit suicide by trying to pull 2 all-nighters in a row. My body plans to function well beyond the age of 40.
There was something satisfying in finishing that MAS306 essay, but God did I hate knowing that I had another 2 majors to complete within 48 hours.
But I've decided not to dwell on that. "Beyond Borders" whispers soft soul music out of the speakers, and I close my eyes to think of GAT. The GK villages, the smile of the children whose life was simple, the smell of ALPADI at dawn, the cold water on my skin at 6am, the honoring session, the hugs, the Emmaus walk, the prayer time, journal entries, the crowd of 10,000 at ARANETA, the still water at Borocay beach, and the beautiful sun that was inescapable.
During assessment period it's easy to trap yourself within the pages of theory, lecture notes and drool. There's a mental incapacity to escape from the dread of not knowing enough in time, not arguing the point well enough, not getting the answer right... In the midst of the chaos my mind pauses for a second... takes a panaromic snapshot of life... and suddenly I remember:
IF HE WANTS YOU TO HAVE IT, HE'LL GIVE IT TO YOU.
Sr Val's words of wisdom. ;O) So short, so simple, and so beautifully true.
Life is more than what we feel today.
If you don't believe me, backtrack to all the memories of all your yesterdays - and realise this: He's been carrying you on his wings of love all along... ;o)
Monday, June 13, 2005
What are the political implications of postmodernism? What is “political” in a postmodern world?
Ok… I’ll be focusing on political campaigns in particular. The development of fully-fledged media campaigns is indicative of Western society’s obsession with images and mediated identities. Politicians have become a brand in themselves, where style is more important than substance. (The simulacrum – Baudrillard)
Impressing the public through visual media is the only indication of influence an political power. It is all about “performance.” (Judith Butler)
Despite postmodernism’s claims in celebrating difference and giving a voice to the minority, there is still a major imbalance in power in the political sphere. While access to the public sphere has widened due to the burst in technological developments, the voices which are heard in the public sphere remain distorted.
The problem is when people whinge too much about not having access to the public sphere. Whooptidoo – postmodernism bridged the gap between the elite and mass culture by embracing pop culture as art and giving people Internet access.
Access to the public sphere has little meaning if individuals are not willing to contribute to the ideas that are communicated within it.
This era is tainted with a scepticism towards grand narratives and absolute truth. People are left with nothing to fight for, nothing to strive towards. There is no desire to achieve consensus of any sort. People lie, and are happy with being lied to because they are told that everything is a lie.
This is why postmodernism is such a farce. It claims to empower the people. But for what?
Sunday, June 12, 2005
textas in a chinese take-out box
Today has been somewhat productive, but my brain has the habit of refusing to function after about 15 minutes of hard labour. Talk about short attention span.
I had dinner with my parents and roomy today. I love it when my parents laugh... it's one of life's priceless moments - wish I could capture them all in a mental camera and view it as a slide-show during all those moments when I'm annoyed.
Before I depart and dip back into the land of postmodern politics (damn Lyotard, Baudrillard, Jameson and Habermas - you guys give me headaches and so do all your theories!) - here's an insight to tonight's dinner conversation...
*cue the dinner music/tv background noise*
Joy: I never wanna be a lawyer. Just thought I'd clear that up now, just in case you had your hopes up.
Mum: Why not?
Joy: My head hurts thinking about it.
Mum: Well if you don't like it, I guess that's that...
Dad: You should be the first prime minister of Australia.
Joy: But I hate politics.
... conversation continues about what politics really is, what it means and Joy's head starts to hurt...
... conversation moves towards Joy's possible career paths. Joy gets up and puts dishes in sink.
Joy: Ah forget it. I just wanna get married and have kids.
*short silence*
*Mum bursts out laughing*
...That was the milestone of tonight - my mum laughing at that comment. Ha! And then of course... we had those short bursts of wisdom...
Mum: Don't marry a guy you have to feed and clean up after.
Joy: Don't worry Ma, I won't marry anyone lazy. I demand to be fought for.
Dad: Good. So you should be fought for.
Joy: I'll marry a guy who can iron. Coz I can't iron for crap.
Mum: That won't keep your relationship going.
Ro1: Yeah but you can show off your clothes! (good one sis!)
Mum: Don't marry someone who can iron - marry someone who can get you a maid to iron.
*PRICELESS*
study zone
NOTE: surprise visits with offerings of chocolate (especially of the dark-orange OR cookies & cream variety) will be greatly appreciated.
Saturday, June 11, 2005
procrastination is an art, not a vice
Before I go on, I've got to announce that I love my mum. Although my jeans are about to burst, I can't complain - she made pancakes this morning. So there I am, in the kitchen at 9am in the middle of Winter, enjoying pancakes and chocolate ice-cream. *YAH!* Ha! Beat that!
I also love my dad - he's such a funny bloke. I get my arguing skills from him. Just wait for the time when you're in deep conversation, and it suddenly escalates into a philosophical or religious debate. Good luck to you and your eardrums.
Meanwhile, do you know how long it took to get my brain to function last night? At 2am I'd only summarised two readings and suddenly I was watching Russel Peters on my laptop (I should never have scabbed it from Ryan's CD). I woke up today with a Chinese man's voice floating in my head, saying, "BE A MAN!"
And for those who don't have a clue what I'm on about there - sorry I just wasted 18 seconds of your life.
BUT - for those who like to waste precious time, here are a few tips on how to do it. I'm a pro:
- Don't start your work until you've prepared yourself to look like you're going out. It's a great time waster, especially if you do the whole shebang - washing hair, exfoliating, moisturising... if you're going for gold put make-up on for no reason.
- Decorate the margins of your notes and readings with pictures of unrelated scenery or characters. I have just rediscovered the miracle in the simple stationery item: THE TEXTA. Good for drawing teenage mutant ninja turtles, anime, floral arrangements and clouds.
- Decide that the night you're meant to start your major essay is the night you're gonna tell your mum who your crush is. There goes two hours right there... and any chance of you getting together. Hahaha....
- Start your hardcore exercise regime but turning up really hardcore punk rock and trying to combine with hiphop dance moves. If that doesn't waste time, at least you'll have a good time laughing at yourself, and you could be providing great entertainment for your room-mate.
- Pick the hair off your bedroom floor. The hair that has accumulated since you last vacuumed is already another layer of carpet. By the time you see the real floor again, you will have exceeded your assignment deadline by months!
- Start eating things in your kitchen that you didn't know you even had. Not only does the eating kill time, but the bloated feeling afterwards takes a good hour to recover from.
- Watch Indian stand-up comedians at 3 in the morning.
- Vow to memorise the lyrics of all the songs currently on your playlist.
- Tab the books your overdue library books with colour-coded post-its. Not only does it make you feel like you're doing work, but your "study" zone looks a whole heap prettier.
- Go through the messages in your mobile phone inbox.
- Attempt again and again to play fast songs on guitar.
- Log into your blogger dashboard and write a couple of points on how to procrastinate. OR... just read this one over and over again. ;o)
Cheers!
Friday, June 10, 2005
this side of consciousness
today i learnt a couple of things - thought i'd share them:
1. i can't iron a shirt to save my life. i was trying to figure out what to wear to tomorrow's job interview and though i've had plenty of experience getting creases out of shirts, i just can't seem to master the art of ironing a crease-free shirt. and i hate the job in the first place. so yeah.. i can't iron.
2. wireless internet is amazing. the fact that there are bits of information floating through the air at this present time is something that my mind can't figure out.
3. big shopping centres that are worth billions of dollars not only scare the daylights out of me but kind of make me feel giddy (and not the good type).
4. dan makes me giddy when i can tell he's happy (and that's the good type).
5. i get giddy easily?
6. good guitaring makes me happy. nickel creek and the like are my happy bands. evan and jaron, reliant k and dashboard have been on my playlist forever and i dont plan to remove them.
7. the past can come to haunt you in ways you'll never forgive yourself for. and the fear that comes with approaching an unfathomable future can only be eased when you learn to trust in the One who is holding life in the palm of his hand.
8. it's hard to get over something that isn't really there.
9. sleep is overrated... but so is coffee. i paid $2.30 for a mocha on wednesday which was scalding, tasteless and was really brown water which i threw out as soon as the bus came anyway. [but i got a free cinnamon donut?!]
10. Donatello is spelt D-O-N-A-T-E-L-L-O. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are an unforgettable part of my childhood. Can someone please find or create original DVDs. *sigh*
11. when there is nothing else and no-one else... God is still good.
12. uni sucks. but the semester's almost out and im the most excited person in the world. ;o)
13. anything is possible for the one who believes.
14. never put breakable items or laundry baskets next to your bed. you will either fall on or fall in them.
15. boys need to get over the fact that girls fart too.
16. i am such a sucker for cute boys with nice families.
17. one must do everything to resist every urge to take a hand that is not ready to be held.
18. to love God whom we do not see means we must love the people who we do see.
Tuesday, June 07, 2005
please don't...
Then logic fell to sudden death
And all I knew flipped upside-down
You changed my world - without a sound.
You looked at me, I looked away
Without you knowing, I'm your prey
And all I said I wouldn't do
I fell into - because of you.
This silent love I can't deny
And timidly I ask God why -
This doesn't make much sense to me
You're love came 'round so suddenly
So now I ask - please take the lead
I'm lost in you, so all I need
Is someone who will take my hand
You took my heart - now take a stand.
And if you can't, bow out before
I get attached and fall some more
Coz I can't help but fantasise
About your smile, your laugh, your eyes...
So please don't let me fall for you
If you're aren't falling for me too
Coz love like this will only grow -
Until one of the two says "no."
Monday, June 06, 2005
breakfast totally rocks
At the moment I'm discovering the difficulty of trying to eat mandarins while typing. But it's do-able I tells ya! My breakfast today... is the start of my 8 weeks of intensive training (provided I don't collapse in exhaustion during tonight's evening jog.)
I'm about half-way through breakfast... just finished a small serving of pansit, a mandarin, lemon & honey tea and I'm about to get into my apple and my banana.
I HATE BEING SICK.
So I was reading Cassie's blog. Poor thing... English assignments were painful, I must admit - despite my love for the subject. Don't worry love!
"He encourages us in all our trials, so that we may also encourage those in any trial wih the same comfort we have received from God..." [2 Corinth 1:4] Just remember the victories that God has granted us through prayer - His whispers will tell you what you need to do!
I think I'll be pullin a late night tonight. (Jigging German again... *sigh*) Multimedia... GARGH. But I've got to admit... this assignment sure is fun.
Here's a few words of inspiration... for anyone who might need them... just in case you're doubting God's ability to provide; or if you're just needing a bit of a reason why you should believe that God never let's you down:
"He [Abraham] did not doubt God's promise in unbelief; rather, he was empowered by faith and gave glory to God and was fully convinced that what he had promised he was also able to do..." [Romans 4:20-21]
If God wants you to have it... He will give it you.
Have a good one!
slow and steady
Right about now...
Sitting at my bedroom desk with the lamp radiating a white glow of flurescent light
It took me all day to get my head around the technical wack of FLASH, but praise God because e just seems to know exactly what he's doing. Unlike me... who's totally lost in every possible way!
Praise God for the guys who were on MSN tonight. If there was ever a time I needed comfort, tonight was it... and *sigh* God sure provides!
I've chucked all my music onto my playlist and I wonder how long it'll take to get through it all, because there are over 1000 songs on there now. Right now it's "Here Is My Heart" by Out of Eden and The Katinas. This song's a personal favourite, because it reminds me of God's warm arms, and being able to surrender everything to Him... especially moments like tonight.
A couple of hours ago...
I had an awesome morning... I love first Fridays and first Sundays of the month coz both involve Mass and good company. This morning's Maccas breakfast involved Ray, Dax, Mush, Frannis, Suarez, Luke, Michael, Eddoes and Ivy.
I laughed at:
Suarez's passport photo which I keep in my wallet to remind me of Summer / Ivy and "Fix My Eyes" / myself because I couldn't withdraw money... AGAIN... (how embarrassing) / Luke and memories of coffee at Gloria Jeans.
Hours passed...
And suddenly I was asleep. HOw did that happen? Hence being awake right now. I wonder if I'll get up and go for the walk I promised myself... ?
And now I'm feeling...
- Really hungry and craving for Filo hot chocolate.
- Lazy and chunky. My jeans are starting to *ahem*... not fit?
- Relieved and affirmed - everything happens for a reason. Example: On Wednesday I was tired by stayed up to DNM with Sav after household and as a result, I discovered the book in Edwin's comp room that is currently saving my sanity - an instruction book on how to use FLASH. WOOHOO!
- Lucky - Nez sent me pics of hh at Canberra during Feb's Summit... AWWW... the sunset and the laugh, and man... do I miss Lapez like you would not believe! Riann, Jons, Gerry, Jane, Bunny, Kay & Tita Mel... without a doubt you women are amazing.
- I love my mum. She made me ba-on.
- Totally in love with God, because He just knows how to take care of me.
- Happy. I'm learning the lessons that come with patience. Even Jed told me to "wait" today... "true love waits..." *sigh!* True that brotha!
- Sleepy...
Here is my heart... it's been broken, it's been wounded... but I'll give it all to You if You would love me... Here is my life... if you want it, You can have it. I will give it all to You because You love me.. and love is everything I need.
Saturday, June 04, 2005
Parishes Urged to Be Open to Ecclesial Groups
This was one of the messages of the Pope's address today to the general assembly of the Italian bishops' conference, held in the Vatican.
"The presence of the Church in the midst of the Italian population," he said, "is characterized above all by a large network of parishes and by the vitality that they continue to express, despite the great changes in the society and culture."
Yet, the parishes must assume "a more missionary attitude in daily pastoral care," the Holy Father said.
He asked parishes to be open to "a more intense collaboration with all the living forces that the Church has at her disposal."
"It is very important, in this connection, that communion be reinforced between the parish structures and the various charismatic realities that have arisen in the last decades, amply present in Italy, so that the mission reaches all realms of life," the Pope said.
This communion, Benedict XVI added, must also take into account the "presence of religious communities, which are still numerous in Italy despite the lack of vocations."
___________________________
This was from an email I got the other day. I hope it encourages people to understand the need for unity. =)
Friday, June 03, 2005
FREE
that we are the ones who can make the change in the world today?
Would you believe me if I said
That all of the dreams in your heart can come true... today? (Yeah!)
Would you believe me if I said
That life could be all that you want it to be today?
And if I had wings I would fly
'cause all that I need; you are
And if the world caved in around me
To you I'd still hold on
'Cause you all that I believe...
and the one that created me...
JESUS...because of you...I'M FREE
Would you blieve me if I said
that God can make miracles happen today?
Would you believe me if I said
That you don't need to wait for the answers before you step out in faith?
Would you believe me if I said
that nothing is ever impossible for God?
Just live your life with God inside -
You won't regret one moment of it
And give it all that you can for God - FOR GOD
feeling inadequate
Right now I'm at the uni library. I'm not procrastinating - I'm venting. My mind feels frazzled and although I could be stressing, I'm not... but I do need to vent. I keep trying to read (which actually worked on the bus-ride here, surprisingly) but my thoughts keep bumping into each other in my brain, and now I've got a headache. And it's not because my hair's pulled to tight... although I could leave it down and see if that'll fix the problem...
ANYWAY. I was going to title this blog "unintended hero" because that's who I've got on my mind these days. I got an sms the other day about being swept off my feet. I wouldn't go as far as to say I've been swept off my feet... but God I wish I'd pull my head back from the clouds, because I need to face the reality of having six major assignments due in the next twelve days. Daydreaming about this boy will do nothing to help me finish these.
But the thing is, the thought of facing reality leaves me feeling goose-bumpy, and it makes my stomach want to lurch.
So... where to from here? Get off this computer you loser and do your readings.
YUCK.
Here's the confession: I have a very good chance of failing something this sem. GARHHHH....