over it

So it's 12:37am on a Thursday night/Friday morning. And I should be finishing off my tutorial paper... but my head isn't awake and my mind is elsewhere. My emotions are running random (because they have been all sem!) and i'm soo frustrated with myself.

What on earth am I doing on this webpage writing a blog when I shud either be in bed in deep REM or typing up a paper about the Shepherd of Hermas and the Didache and prophecy in early second century??

All i can say is i'm well and truly over the hype that pple put on tertiary study. with the amount of pressure they put on pple to get into a relevant course, into a high paying job - you'd think there'd be more to it than reading books and regurgitating info [with a recognised referencing system, mind u - or else u might get failed for alleged plagiarism] ...

While im here though, i just thought i shud post up a HAPPY BIRTHDAY to all the lucky october ppl who were born this week!

monday 25th - caresse
tuesday 26th - anthony garland
wendesday 27th - marife cruz
thursday 28th - angela p.
friday 29th - den alcantara
saturday 30th - my DAD!! ;o)
sunday 31st - christina...

whoa... heaven sure celebrated a lot during october. hahahaha...
ok i'm out.

please don't shoot me for not finishing my homework.

;o)

what am i worth?

To YOU I may be worth nothing.

To a teacher, I may be worth the effort of marking a late essay.

To a student, I may be worth listening to.

To a friend interstate, I may be worth visiting.

To a stranger, I may be worth a smile.

To my sisters, I may be worth a fight.

To my parents, I may be worth a lecture.

To a forgotten friend, I may be worth a memory tucked in the back of their brain.

To a boy, I may be worth a "hello".

To a girl, I may be worth a sneer.

To my friends I may be worth a phone call.

But to God, I am worth the WORLD,

I am worth HIS LIFE
and
I AM WORTH FIGHTING FOR.

Yeah - it's easy to feel down on yourself when the people you hope to show their affection just don't. But the comfort in all these things?... When such storms beat you around in the wind, and you feel lost and as if you are drowning...

It is Jesus who will walk on the water and ask you, not to take a LEAP of faith, but a STEP of faith towards him. And he will catch you, he will hold you, he will love you, and he will give you MUCH more than 5 minutes of your day.

What am I worth? The love that Jesus gives me...

Who am I looking for? The one that loves me like Jesus does. ;o)

a tribute

I miss you... and I hate that I do only now that you're not around anymore.
And it sucks that you had to leave the way you did - because everyone knows it didn't have to happen that way - that it just shouldn't have happened that way...

But right now I'm thinking... of you in my year 7 English class with Miss Young. Innocent back then, with curly hair, big smile and long (un-hemmed, unrolled) skirt, pretending to be Sheree Nemeth's second cousin from Mauritius.
Then there was year 8 French with Miss Young in the Bally block. Funny how school does so much give us chances as well as screw us up (or maybe give us changes to screw up...)
Days in Coraki and Mrs Robinson-Taylor.
(",) Then you grew up, got rebellious and ended up getting suspended on a picnic table with your friends... oh the laughs, the swearing and the happiness of high school. Brilliant huh? Your backbites, your laughter, and all the things I wish I could fold into a box, sticky tape your name onto it and keep it in a place where everyone has access...

Wish I'd known you better... wish you'd had a chance to live out your Summer plans, your cynical dreams or just jump around your room to New Found Glory and Me First and the Gimme Gimmes... wish you'd know me better too... wish I could tell your friend that it's gonna be ok one day.

So I wonder now if you had regrets. Always seemed to me like you were so opiniated. And that was something I really did admire about you - you had an opinion - especially when I was too weak to have opinions. And I did a loooot of stuff that pissed you off probably because we just didn't understand each other...

Ah... but now you're gone. And there are wounds - not because of your mistakes - but because of our mistake of not appreciating you when you were around. And no matter how much we cry, it won't change the mistake that I've made of not caring more or not loving more, or not telling you that you're sooo worth the effort more... but even though you probably can't hear me - I just thought I'd let you know that you are.

And if there's anything that this night of thoughts or these days of tears, confusion, heart combustion and emotional turmoil have taught me it's this:

Never underestimate those that we love. Never forget to show them how much they mean to you. Because this day will fall like a blink of an eyelash, and this life will roll by as we wave our goodbyes...

I do miss you. And I miss all our friends. And I hope... that you know and that you're friends and family will keep this one fact close to their hearts...

We won't ever forget...