ginkgo overdose

GINGKO: (herb) helps to enahnce mental alertness and improve memory, concentration and cognitive function.

****

Given that I only have 7 hours and 27 minutes until my exam starts... I'm wondering if its possible to OD on gingko... *just kidding!* ;o)

You see, i've calmly accepted the fact that whatever i didn't know this morning, i won't know tomorrow morning, unless God provides me some type of miraculous revelation. Thus, im staying up merely as a comfort... not because i know it'll help me pass my exam.
Surprisingly, despite the cynicism I've maintained over the past 13 weeks of study, I have derived ONE opinion from this semester:

ESSAY TITLE: JOY HATES ALL FORM OF ASSESSMENT.

At one point, I thought assessments were ok. And then I realised that it really just prolongs the excrutiating frustration that comes with exams; and the standard of literary achievement is higher than what one would compose under exam conditions.

And then at another point, I thought exams might be better - but really it is just pressure to communicate what one would normally write in an assessment, but with only about 1 zillionth of the time allocated.

In conclusion, both are equally as bad, and I detest them with equal passion.

References: Enriquez, J. (2004) It is easy to be brave, just from a safe distance. Inthemiddleofthenight Publishers Ltd., Desert Island, Random Ocean.

eh?

) maybe falling in love isn't the hard part...

It's falling in love with the person who'll love you the way you need to be loved...

- that's the tricky bit.

"First Love"

This is ridiculous - I get online to email me tutor about my assignment WHICH I STILL HAVEN'T HANDED IN - and here i am BLOGging for crying out loud!
But it's not that I'm in a pointless-let's-write-about-jiberrish-to-bore-the-reader-type mood... Actually, this morning I have something enlightening to say!

What a morning too... woke up in a bed (that wasn't mine) by a phone call from one of my coolest of friends - because she's about to board a plane to INDIA for two months! So I crawl out of bed to a landline phone, and explain to her that she interrupted a dream about me jamming the photo copier at a library (sign of what's to come??) ... and here I am - 3 hours later, after a shower, breakfast and lots of thinking and praying and procrastinating.

The point HOWEVER... is that the thinking and the praying I've been doing lately has led to quite a revelation. ;o)
All this talk about *crushes* and *likes* and *emotions* that flutter in and out of thoughts and dreams and heartache is all good fun - but before getting swept away in human attraction: I've been reminded in a recent reading NOT TO FORGET MY FIRST LOVE!!

So here goes: a dedication to the Man who won my heart - well before any boy did. ;o)

as i stepped into tonight, i felt your breath down my spine / i felt you hold me in your arms, and whisper “you are mine” / i stared up at the sky then watched them twinkle in your eyes / as i breathed in your sweet scent and listened to your sighs / you were knocking on my heart not too long ago / tugged at my emotions as you sung music to my soul / and only you can make the Summer air taste so sweet / only you can give me tingles as you sweep me off my feet / because you knew me from the start and you read between the lines / you pull back my defences and you break past all my lies / and you always gave me freedom to be open or to hide / never did you force your way, but i know you’ve tried / to offer me the type of peace and and everlasting joy / that i know i'll never find in any other boy /

as i stepped into tonight, i heard your voice calling to me / a gentle, sweet reminder that i am loved, that i am free / i watched you paint a masterpiece uniquely for my eyes / in the colours of the sunset, in the shades of the sky / i drive past all the flowers that you send me everyday / and read through your love letters where you shamelessly proclaim / i smile at each romantic gift you leave at my heart’s door / and lose myself in each embrace that makes my spirit soar /

as i stepped into tonight, i felt your hand holding my own / i felt you wrap yourself around my heart and prove i’m not alone / you spoke to me of all the gifts you’ve prepared and want to give / and all the love you want to show me each day that i live / and with each step i took i knew you were at my side / as my shield, as my protector, as my soldier, as my guide / and as i sit here dreaming what our future has in store / your whispers comfort me and remind you’ve planned more / sweet lover all these dreams of mine, i know you know so well / and whether these come true – i know time can only tell / but i see you in my future, just as you were in my past / because what you’ve offered me is one thing i know will last / eternal in its nature, in essence from above / my source of inspiration – my first and only LOVE.

thank you Jesus... my perfect boyfriend. =)

coleen-inspired

First: a luke-inspired quote:

Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering a kitchen at night, you should open the fridge door and use that light instead.

And then.. a colloes-inspired stream of thought...

[i know]: lots about pointless things but very little about practical things.

[i want]: a house on top of a hill, in front of a church, on a quiet street. So my kids can go to church whenever, sit on tope of the roof to admire the view, and learn how to ride their bikes on our quiet street. =)

[i have]: ten fingers and ten toes, but only nine complete toe-nails... hahahaha... ah crap!

[i wish]: for the right person at the right time...

[i hate]: hurting

[i miss]: being able to make up stories and games the way i used to when i was a kid, playing for hours in the backyard with my bike and a tic-tac box... which became anything and everything, from a camera, a memory box to a key to a secret dimension...

[i fear]: forgetting the beauty of being young at heart.

[i search]: for love in all the wrong places. [or people!]

[i love]: God and the life He gave for me that I get to live TODAY!!

[i care]: deeply, completely and totally... especially for friends.

[i do not always]: floss my teeth. *ahem*

[i write]: pointless letters, difficult journal entries, opiniated essays and descriptive nonsense.

[i listen]: to wind flying, birds laughing, beeping car-horns and friends who like to scream my name and live its meaning!

[i can usually be found]: on top of the world.

Me Against the Breeze

This afternoon I was on my bed, in that place somewhere in the middle of conciousness.. sleep.. dreams.. druel and.. I swear I dreamt that my phone was ringing... then suddenly I'm dreaming of someone beeping past my house and screaming something that vaguely sounded like my name but really sounded like "JGCHJOOAAHHHAIIIY!!!"

And then I wake up to Roanne flicking on the bedroom light, it's 7-something PM, I find a missed call on my mobile and *kaboom!* it was really Ian. =)

Now I'm on the Net and I swear I should either have spent my night
a) swimming
b) going for a looong walk in a Summer-smelling evening
c) researching for my AHST209 tutorial paper or
d) SLEEPING

BLaRGHH!!!

flavour of the week ;o)

If tomorrow never comes,
I’d want you to know,
there is so much that I see in you
that you never knew you showed.

This started not too long ago
A shocking revalation
That you could be the one for me
My fight against temptation…

But I know that all those things I see
are just a simple fantasy
And you’d be fine not knowing
Because you don’t even notice me

So you’ll walk past, we might glance
say a joke – roll our eyes
hoping you might notice
or make a move so I’d reply…

Wishing you were the right boy
That it was the right time
That you’d say the right thing
And I’d give the right signs

But instead I’ll just daydream
About the stupid things we say
Or the stupid things you do
That my laughter can’t contain

You’re just another driver
And I’m sitting in that seat
Wondering as we travel
Will our feelings ever meet?

My fear is hoping that they won't
But my dreams say that they do
This is awful coz my “flavour of the week”
Is always going to be you.

****

We search for love.
We put love first in our lives.
Thus… we search for God for God is love.
And God should be first in our lives…

Brain is frazzled

Sitting in library comp labs... attempting to start/finish ICOM essay [2500 words on Al Jazeera] in less than 3hours... *sigh*
Wishing I was either at the beach or asleep on a green patch of grass...
Ok... so I'm gonna save all my articles now... buy myself a Bubble Tea from the "LIQUID" bar at Macquarie Food Court... and SMILE happily because today is a gorgeous day (or at least it was when I got into the library... looking out the window now it looks like a pretty overcast afternoon as hit Sydney)... and attempt to get this assignment done.

Today... I am THANKFUL for...

My God who whispers to me during the day...

Friends who call me at 5am to make sure I've started my assignments...

Parents who always check up on me...

My sister who calls from America just to make sure we're all ok...

My mum who sits and watches Foreign Correspondent with me at 9pm when she'd rather be watching a chic-flick...

My "brother" who picks me up for uni and makes sure I get here early...

My sister who laughs at my lame jokes and burps herself to sleep at night...

My "brother" who helps me out with my lack of networking/computing knowledge...

The pointless emails from friends interstate about how excited they are to study next year...

The people at my uni who choose to smile...

Funny lecturers and tutors who crack jokes...

Sleep... when it's available.

sunday afternoon

"Dirty denim jeans, yellow singlet, bed hair, cut nails and dry feet"

'Tis Sunday arvo and I am sleeeepy like you would not believe.

People I'm praying for lately...

Gez - exams mate. you are beautiful. i love your bites, your skin, your smile, your laugh and all the sill giggly things we talk about! miss ya -and hope u know ur being looked after...

Nez - can't get enuff ay? hope the driving experience last night was fuuun ;o) and tanx for the support yesters. we have a whole new bunch of memz for each stupid thing we get up to! remember to TRY OTHER TYPES OF CHOCOLATE and dnt b AFRAID of colourful clothing [catch a hint on the metaphor m8]

Sav - tanx for the affirmations, the message u left on my voicemail b4 my job interview and jz being so generous and genuine. ** i shall stomp on u for no particular reason... **

Eddoes - my flava! [only coz u never respond to my BITES!] im prayin for ur assignments and workies, and ur music and ur famz and ur luuurv life and ur service. m8 ur the most awesum-est; laziest but most inspiring and BESTEST mission partz to hav EVS!! ah yes... and i shall pray for ur car

household... miss yas all

youth... SPY - you make me SMILE each time i see u loving God and each others!!

Amardeep - only 11 more sleeps!! Just in case u find a guy and decide to elope, plz send me and Cobey invites. ;o) hope ur writers block and skills in procrastination clear! ;o)

Cobes - where u been study nerd?! hows dim-sim and are u going to tamworth? i know ur kicking ass in ur exams/assignments - no fear and all FAITH for u!

fr warren - EUROPE and FRANCE... im green but im soo happy for u. cant wait 4 u to come back and SHARE the FAITH with us!!

***

[pulling at heart strings... me so excited!]

**precious momes**

So it went sumthing like this...

>> Walk-about in the city with my bro taking stoopid photos at the State Law Courts *ahem!* and trying on embarrassing clothes... [BRIGHT orange & pink very flattering on complexion... hahaha]


>> visiting HyDe PaRK and St Mary's Cathedral [awww - two weddings but no funerals] and reading over GAT diary which gives me tingles, gud memz and affirmation!

>> Jogging and sit-ups before gettn picked up by Eddoes.. eating pansit in his car talkin random as usual ;o)

>> Watching Nez reverse about drive way - FIRST EVER driving experience ... gud boy doesn't speed [YET!]

>> Salt & Light @ Liverpool - awesome skit, awesome session, awesome GOD - nice analogies [might copy hehehe...]

>> Cry fest in car park - staring at more stars and making lots of hopeful prayers...

>> Dinns with my guuud buddies at Rashay's [that was the funniest Caesar salad i've had in my life - croutons were nice and..... black]

>> Cuz comes in white (rarr) car [bloody manual driver] and we go for looong drive around Sydney.

PRECIOUS MOMENT: climbing up the side of a half-build house and sitting on the back fence with a BEAUTIFUL view of Sydney city. [was freezing legs and arms off!] Talked for 2 hours but life, problems, faith, dreams, longings and hoping that God's plan is better than we can imagine.

Funny part: trying to climb down when the ground was about 15m below us... [yikes] but all in all - the lessons learnt included:

God is an awesome creator and knows exactly how to compose a perfect moment; especially when you're praying for it!

We search for and long for and miss people... dream about the future and hug pillows in our sleep wondering what exactly is missing, and realistically - the search is simply for LOVE - love that doesn't end, love that is unconditional and perfect...

which means all those lonely ppl out there are really looking for God. Coz God is love because He is perfect and doesn't end and has no conditions...

It's ok to DREAM.

Never settle for anything other than what you are dreaming for. Allow Him to make miracles in your life, your heart and for your soul!

Pray for the one God plans for you.

Eighth Grade Mentality...

HEY!! I found something i wrote in yr 8.
Hehehehehe... ;o)

“I have a confession to make”
(1998)

I have feelings for you
that are so hard to explain –
Is this puppy love or not?
The question strains my brain.
It’s so hard to say I like you,
and don’t dare ask my why;
I’d love to get these feelings out –
how many times I try.

I think about you day and night –
your face will make me smile,
Your voice would make me happy too,
but your number’s hard to dial ;o)
There is an urge inside me
that pushes me to you
I’d love to know you love me back
and know those words are true.

I’m happy when I hear your name,
it’s always in my thoughts
I’d love to write it everywhere
but fear that I’ll get caught.
I’d love to see your friendly smile
and let our eyes lock too
And now I guess I will confess –
it sucks, but I love you. Y

up til 4am

It's Wednesday night but the sky is still blue and it's traditional high School Based household.
So today I'm educating Carlos in the art of blogging...
Carlos what would you like to say?
"I'm a bogger not a blogger."

Very inspiring! ;o)

I couldn't sleep last night. I did everything in my knowledge to try and get me to sleep - damn it Aron - the 'V' and the Baskin & Robins ice-cream was nooot a good call!
So I read, I prayed, I messaged people, I watched 2 Daria episodes on my laptop, I scanned my computer for viruses (and found about 7) and then... ended up reading over my GAT diary... awww... man I got seriously nostalgic!

Tonight I'm at the CFC centre with Carlos, Nez, Pips, Tere, Jons and Nathan. ;o)
Oh and Pips is not old.

I LOVE MY HOUSEHOLD!!!

Gerry, Ri, and Eddoes - we miss you today.

daring to dream

Today I get to brag a bit about YFC Terra and how much these guys inspire me.

Right now it's Tuesday nyt and I just spent the last few hours with Aron [shhh... he was meant to be at household but he helped me do my website] teeheehee...

anywayz... just staying up doing nothing in particular... which is kinda annoying cz as all my buddies keep reminding me - we have exams coming up [eeeek!] and im envious of Eddoes coz he's only got his major assignments to hand in *lucky man!!* and then he's done for good... ;o) oh man i'm excited for ya...!

[oh yeh - HAPPY BIRTHDAY ROSELL!]

Today I was thinking about wat it was like to be in highskool... and i remembered d terra kids and reminded them that it's important to acknowledge wat makes 'em special... and also to sometimes acknowledge their disappointments... hurts... and fears...bcoz all these things shape who we are.

*****

God fashions each of us exactly how he wants us. Today was reminded that each of us are unique - in simple, but amazing ways. And our Father has the ability to take each particle of us... and mould us into something brilliant, something with special qualities.
Inside our hearts are quite a number of things. We guard our hearts because inside them, we keep our disappointments, our hurts, and our fears.
We guard are hearts because inside them, we keep our hopes, our dreams and our goals.
This is all understandable, because it's when our hopes, dreams and goals are rejected or interrupted, that we get disappointed, hurt and afraid...

But this should never stop us from aiming high and giving our all.

I was walking around Westpoint today with a bunch of flowers and a Goldmark bag. The flowers were for my Dad, who wanted to visit Pinegrove [All Souls Day!] and the Goldmark pressie was for Rosell [sweeeet 16] ;o)
But as I sat down in front of Woolies, an old man walked up to me, with a cheeky, warm grin on his face. He held out his hand to shake mine, and happily greeted me "Happy Birthday!" I smiled at him and laughed, and told him it wasn't my birthday - all the gifts were other people.

He sat down next to me on a bench and proceeded to share with me that he was going to turn 90 on January 17 next year. Never had I met someone with so many years behind them with such a bright TWINKLE in their eye! He told me he was from Hungary, that he'd worked in a meat factory for 15 yrs just so he could pay off his house... how he had 2 children and 7 grand children... that he knew how to dance and that I should learn one day.

The most inspiring statement was him telling me that even though he was 90, he'd wake up really happy everyday. His wife kicked him out of the home he spent 15 years paying off, but he is still happy. He went to a doctor who diagnosed cancer in his face, but he is still happy. He had an operation in his leg, but he is still happy. He lives on his own, but he is still happy.
Not once did the sparkle in his smile leave him as he sat next to me, in one of the most amazing, engaging conversations I've ever had.

As I stood up to leave, I took one glance at this 89 yr old Hungarian man, his black baseball cap, blue shirt and checkered vest, and saw the face of Jesus. A man who had struggled, but smiled. A man who had been hurt, but also healed. A man who was lonely, but was still able to love. A man who wasn't afraid to walk up to a girl and greet her "Happy Birthday" - even though it wasn't my birthday!

Later that afternoon I got home and thought... "hmmm... gotta plan for the Terra Meeting!"
So... today's session was about DARING TO DREAM!
Like the man I met today, we too, have disappointments, hurts and fears... but we also hae hopes, goals and desires...
Like the man I met today, we too, will struggle - but we should learn to smile.
Like the man I met today, we too, will hurt - but we also have the power to heal.
Like the man I met today, we too, will be lonely - but we also have the ability to love.

Together with our disappointments, hurts and dreams, we have our hopes, goals and desires.

Always acknowledge these things - God will use all of them to make something beautiful!

Peace out and pray lots!