He always proves me wrong...

I'm supposed to write 150-200 words about World Youth Day so I can share my thoughts and feelings to the country during a press conference on Friday. A couple of years back when my body and soul were still recovering from the experience, I would've struggled to fit my thoughts and beliefs in a mere 200 words. Over 400 challenging days after the experience, however, I'll admit I'm finding it hard to write a simple sentence.

How can I speak about WYD? The 2005 Cologne experience was on that left so much adrenalin in my body that to this day, it's what gets me up in the morning so I can march up to level 15 and do my job. It was the experience that led me to this very place, this very chapter of my life, this very feeling in my soul.

It's hard to be balanced about it because truth be told, I'm... tired. Shamedly, I've become one of those people who sit on a train with their earphones plugged into both ears, with eyes closed and with drool threatening to stain my work-shirt collar. Tiredness, yes... but emptiness: NO.

So what's to say about my WYD experienced? What did I experience that was so profound that I felt the irresistable urge to surrender any hopes my parents had of me being a lawyer so I could work full-time for the Church while the event made its way to Sydney?

SHORT VERSION: God

EXTENDED VERSION:

WYD didn't change my life. When World Youth Day was finished and I returned to Sydney in August 2005, I returned to the same family, the same friends, the same uni text books, and the same job - as will most pilgrims when the WYD journey concludes in 2008.

What WYD did change, however, was me. I came back glowing. I was on fire. I had experienced our Church in Europe, marvelled in its history, I had a multitude of new friends, new questions to find answers for, but perhaps, most importantly, I had a renewed relationship with my God. This relationship, which is my anchor and my source of life, is something I hope every person - whatever age - can find. What I love about the WYD celebrations is that it has allowed me, and millions of other people to meet God in an exciting and profound way.

During my WYD journey God proved to me that even in midst of crowds, chaos and turmoil, his whispers could still be loud and clear. While I could feel His energy in the songs and the laughter of the youth from around the world, I also experiencesd Him speaking to me personally; answering my questions and listening to my voice, addressing my concerns and my fears..

My hope and prayer is that through WYD, that people will experience God in a personal way. In 2008 this country will witness God in the hearts and lives of the young people who journey to Sydney. I want them to see, just as I saw, that God does exist in this world, and He is very much alive and active. I want them to realise, just as I realised, that they don't have to settle for a mediocre life, but that God wants them to have the best - and that best is in Christ's love for us.

People underestimate the power of God's love, but it is a remarkable and life-changing love that heals people, gives people hope, and gives people purpose. It's the type of love that turned my life upside-down - and I know that I couldn't experience God's love and be the same person - it changed me and will continue to change me during this journey.

I would encourage every person to join Sydney as it journeys to WYD08 and beyond, because this is an opportunity to bring the spark back in our young people and our entire nation. Imagine thousands of youth experiencing renewal, revival, and being witnesses in their everyday lives: people would be genuinely happy, people would have hope and purpose - God provides all these things - and I do believe that that is what the young people in Australia need, and want - and continue to search for.

We have 500 days until the Spirit of our universal Church celebrates in the streets of Sydney. There are so many things happening that people can involved in - I tell people to sign up for the updates, to visit the website, to register this July, to journey with the WYD Cross and Icon - to be alive and active in our Church so that energy builds up and continues far beyond 2008.

Why would you ignore an opportunity to meet God personally?

***

Hmmm.. so much for being uninspired.

ahhhhh!! suffocation

need to move out.

Being holed up in my room for seemed ok for three months, but I've reached the end of all my patience, and I'm lying here wondering what the hell made me think I could survive moving back under my parent's wing anyway.

*!()#&%

Today was the official crossing-of-the-line. My mum screwed up any chance of me having a decent weekend. THankfully the last few hours of it was salvaged by spending an hour with God at church and the last couple of hours on the couch with Edwin.

I'm over the whole "family" thing really. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love them to bits, but God damn it, I sure as hell can't live with them. I don't have enough emotional energy for it. Besides, why waste my money paying for the walls of this house when I could build a home for myself elsewhere.

I need a new place to live.

So... if by some random chance you read this and know of someone who is could find me a nice lil apartment to stay.. wow I would love you forever. Or, if you're looking for a flat-mate and are somewhat sane and holy, then by all means, let me know.

And no, I will not move in with my boyfriend.

where will you be?

What’s doin’ on Palm Sunday in SYDNEY??

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Gefräßigkeit (German for gluttony)

My current gluttonous activities involve:

- Ferroro Rochers (thanks to St Valentine and all such celebrations)
- Peanut Kisses (pasalubong from Philippines)
- Caramel lattes (especially when on the way to work)
- Donuts (also on the way to work: conveniently it often comes free with the caramel latte)
- Hash browns from the Express McDonald's at Blacktown Stn
- Cruskits... hmmm...
- Nutella on toast with a glass of milk (after many weeks of research, this snack is in fact suitable for any meal - breakfast, morning tea, lunch, brunch, dessert, midnight snacks etc...)
- Almond Magnums ... mm...

Current Addictions:
- Heroes
- Arrested Development
- Caitlyn (my 1 year old niece)
- Talking to strangers (which has proved to have some positive but also some frightening consequences)

Anything New?
- On the playlist: The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
- On the job-front: Uh... a dent in the front two panels of my Corolla (*SNIFF!*)

It's Monday night and I want my brain to switch off... SLEEP TIME PLS...

four crumpled tissues

Sometimes I feel really sorry for my boyfriend. Tonight is one of those times. I'm like one of those novelty paper weights that sit on rich people's office desks. You know the one with 5 or so magnetic balls hanging from a metal rod, and when you pull one up and let it hit the next one in the line, the ball at the other end swings, and vice versa...

It's like my sad mood is one ball, and after that ball goes for a bit of a flight, the happy one bounces up, but once that one comes flying back down, the sad mood is back up again. It's like emotional ping-pong.

[On top of that analogy, I also feel as though my intelligence (or perhaps lack there-of) is sometimes treated as though it were simply a novelty... someone that big bosses just supervise, or speculate over... someone not worth enough money to actually receive attention, let alone a smile.]

All that aside: poor Edwin. He came over for less than an hour this evening, half of which I spent sulking because I knew he was leaving so soon. And when I finally warmed up to his caoxing and affirmations all I did in the other half of his visit was leave a patch of damp tears on his shoulder because all the nasty feelings and hurt and blah blah blah that I was trying to hide behind all my apathy (all of which had nothing to do with him of course) came rushing out. And so the poor guy... I wasn't even mad at him, I wasn't even disappointed in him... but he had to cope with all my emotional overhaul as if it was all his fault.

If I'm not suicidal by July 2008, I can only pray to God that he isn't either.

What a week. It's Thursday night and I'm bloody tired. Again, I'll attempt to get to work early tomorrow. I've been attempting the last 4 days, and each attempt has failed miserably. Each attempt is actually getting worse and worse.

What totally confuses me is that I don't even know what it is about my job that makes me so tired. Is it the 2 hours of travel time getting there and back? Is it all the phone calls? Is it all the emails? The organisation of people? The meetings? The trying to think creatively? The random requests for information or time? The busy-ness of the corporate building? The unsmiling faces? The busy-ness of other people? The absence of my boss?

Or maybe it's just me, and I just can't handle everything on my task sheet. The task sheet that has its own icon on the Quick-launch menu on the Taskbar on my new HP nx6320.

All these new things. New computer. New clothes. New car. New job. New experience. New building. New people. New friends.... raaaarrrhhh..

I wonder if... when my life (if! my life...) stabilises, I'll get bored of everything being the same and want everything to be new again. If that does actually happen, may God somehow point me to the direction of this BLOG and remind me... life is hard when every week something new pops around. Life is hard because life is bloody tiring.

And I am bloody tired.

the ins and outs of excuse-making

I can't sleep. I want to - I have to get to work early tomorrow morning, which means I should probably wake up at 5am if I want to get there early.

Admittedly work is better now that we've relocated. I can get my head away from work-mode when I go home... (something really hard to when you live right above your office. Remind me in future years if I ever even think about setting up business above or below my living quarters that only special people can achieve such things - and I am not a special person).

So... insomnia. Not really - I'm bloody tired after having done 28 laps at the pools today. Thank God for water... it's soothing, liberating, and I will be forever grateful for being able to glide through it.

Hmm... so... I need to clear my head. Let's empty it out and see what we find, shall we?

Today I...
- Got out of doing 7 days worth of jury duty. THANK GOD! No seriously... I was praying Hail Marys crazily when my application was being looked at by the judge. So grateful that I got out of it - not because I didn't want to do it, but because of the work I need/want to do at the office... would rather be doing that than sitting in a box listening to a random court case. Sorry.
- Bought the "Hillsong Kids" album for Caitlyn, who likes dancing to cool music.
- Bought "WOW 2007"
- Listened to some Dave Matthews Band (awesome stuff).
- Swam 28 laps. My legs hurt.

I want:
... a pay rise.
... a holiday in Cairns.
... my Mum and Dad to be happy and not stress out all the time.
... cute babies when I'm married.
... to be satisfied and content with my life.

I need:
... to pray more.
... more sleep.
... more exercise.
... to cut a lot of sugar out of my diet.

My birthday wishlist includes:
... drum sticks.
... a bicycle helmet.
... a black leather laptop bag that is light, compact, and doesn't knock people off the platform when I'm running for my train.
... seat covers for my car.
... new bed sheets.
... a pay rise.
... a holiday in Cairns.

I have:
...way too many clothes, but an inability to make the most out of all of them.
... a cow on my bed. It's a cow but I call it "he" and his real name is "Marlow" but I call him "Mylow". Don't ask.
... a really blessed life.
... a very merciful and loving God.
... amazing people in my life.
... a lot of work to do.
... almost NOTHING in my savings maximiser account. No much for maximising.
... too many dreams and goals - and not enough will-power to get to them.
... an inability to complete anything. How depressing.
... to get to sleep damn it!