nothing in particular

I'm in a contemplative mood - what with the rain splatting on the roof, the blinding lightning, the cars making swoosh sounds over the road, and the angry thunder freaking me out every now and again.

No... sorry, actually I'm just procrastinating again. My current crisis is that I can't seem to get comfortable - no matter where I am. It's a perplexing conundrum... but it's one that's been bothering me for quite some time now. And you know what totally sucks more?? We've managed to run out of ink. At this very second my printer is spitting out sheets of paper marked with splotches of black nothing. Gargh...!

On a positive note, Caitlyn came over for a visit this afternoon for lunch. It was the most heart-warming experience, having a tiny little baby fall asleep on my lap. I was thoroughly entertained for an hour, this fragile little baby peacefully dozing, pausing only momentarily to stretch, flinch, or open her curious little eyes and look at me with suspicion. She was very considerate not to make any noise as her parents napped in our living room. Jean and Mark ought to be commended for how well they cope with their exhaustion.

Hmmm... so what's to say today? Nothing much. Except there are a few things I should probably remind myself (one gains pah-lenty of wisdom after watching 7 episodes of the 2nd season of The OC in one weekend)... uh... like:
- Avoiding the truth will ultimately screw up your life
- There is no such thing as doing nothing, because even the act of doing nothing has a consequence
- Nice big houses and fancy-schmancy clothes will never equate to happiness
- If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything (the character of Marisa is a perfect example of this... I swear she annoys the hell out of me)
- There's hope for everyone (even Summer...)
- Never take guys like Zach for granted
- Don't do backflips unless you're totally confident you can do it, and if you start doing a backflip, do not (I repeat DO NOT!) stop half-way or you will kick yourself in the face with your knee and land on your back (not a good way to stay healthy and flexible)

Yeah so that last thing was not something I learnt while watching The OC. I learn that important life lesson on Friday afternoon at the Don Bosco centre... I've got video footage to prove it... and have been periodically treating myself to shiatsu massages all weekend to overcome the physical trauma of my (failed) attempt at primary school gymnastics... hmmm....

welcome Earthling!

She says: Dude! I'm in love!!
He says: Awww... you're Tita Joy!
She says: Ah! What? Tita?? ...
He says: Oh that's right, you're not Filo, you're Aussie. Aunty Joy. (pause) Aunt Joy. *cue sinister laugh* Man, you're old!
She says: Ah shut up. *smiles* Hmm.. I'm in love.

***

There's a photo of the cutest little baby girl on my phone. Her name is Caitlyn Julia, and she's the tiniest and cutest living creature I've laid eyes on, and she has totally been milking the privelege of being caressed in the arms of pah-lenty of Enriquez & dela Cruz family members since she was born on Monday. She has curious, sleepy eyes that stare at you in awe, and a smile that has earned many adoring kisses from our lil step-cousin AJ.

***

Dear Caitlyn,
Well... welcome to planet Earth! You arrived a little early, but that's ok. I don't know if the Internet will still be around when you grow up and blogging will probably be out of date, but I figure I should pay you a tribute since you are one ultra-special new-comer to the family.

So... the day you were born was exciting! I drove to uni (ehp... the firt time your Lolo let me drive the land cruiser around) and I got the news of you being born as I was parked outside a nursing home in Beecroft (hmm... is that ironic?). I told my two best mates first... and drove to the hospital to see you and your parents. Your Dad was totally in love with you, and your Mum was a natural at taking care of you from day one. You probably couldn't tell (and if you could, I'm sure you don't remember) but everyone who was hanging around Bed 10 was glowing with excitement at your arrival.

Btw, you're decision to get here on Monday was excellent timing. You're Lola was up in Sydney, instead of at work in Canberra, and I wasn't all the way at Clovelly. So luckily, we got to see you on the day you arrived - all pink, tiny, squashed up and ultra-adorable.

I believe your Lolo has saved the newspaper that we got on the day you were born. Wow... that's sweet!

Hmm... so what's to tell you about this planet? I should apologise... it's a bit messed up. A lot of others who arrived before you have managed to screw up a few things (morality, optimism, idealism, religion... just to mention a few) - but fear not! There are still many people who are working through the mess and trying to make things better for you, and your future brothers, sisters, cousins and what-not.

Plus, there are many AMAZING and very VERY cool things in this world that humanity can't get rid of - God has built them into creation, and hopefully nothing drastic will happen, because I'd love for you to experience these things with a lot anticipation and excitement. Rainbows, music, swimming in the ocean, bubble baths, bush walks, trampolines, chocolate ice cream, snow, baby rabbits and fresh cut grass are just a few of life's irreplaceable treasures. Remind me to show these things to you as you're growing up.

And just in case you forget (although I promised myself on the day you were born that I'd never LET you forget)... GOD LOVES YOU VERY MUCH! And that's why you're here... because you're an expression of God's love. Hehehe... your hair will grow, your baby fat will disappear, you'll grow up & out, you'll probably adopt a bit of an attitude... but God will love you all the same... and so will your Mum & Dad. Plus... you've got four doting aunties who are already totally in love with you... just in case you don't feel like talking to your parents about these things.

Don't forget the era of laptops, palm-tops, mobile mania, Robo-sapiens, cars with GPS, Jack Johnson, Kanye West, John Legend, and riduculous but entertaining genres of music, movies and reality TV.

This is the era where everyone is a cynic (or pretends they are) - everyone except the people who are at peace with the world, how it was created, and their place. I'm hoping you grow up to be one of those exceptions... an optimist, an adventurer, a girl who is quite happy to be discovering things that are both happy and disturbing, a girl who has her confidence in the God that created her, died for her and is totally, completely and thoroughly ready to love her from head to toe.

Undoubtedly, your time here will be an exciting one!

Love ya lots Caitlyn Julia (currently known as Caiju, Caju, Greedy Guts or Watermelon Baby).

Your pal, Joy (*ahem!* too young to be a Tita...) =p

homesickness

I never thought I'd be one to call home crying. But today's just one of those days... (did u ever hear that song by Monica.. "Just One of Them Days?".. ehp. That's me. Officially girlified.) I tried calling home. But no one's picking up their phone. Tried calling my mum. But we're never on the phone long enough for an actual conversation. Wish I could call Roanne... but she's at a retreat. Have no idea what my other sisters are doing, but I figure if they're not picking up the home phone, they're out doing something.

Right now I want to vomit, cry and vege. Right now, I want familiarity. Even though this place is officially home, I miss familiarity. I miss my family. But they don't seem to be missing me. And I miss my friends... crap - do I ever. Our stupidity, jokes, laziness and *sigh*... BLEH.

I just had a flashback of being in Suarez's living room on a Friday night. It was almost two years ago..crap. Back when I was doing ICOM 2-0-something in 2nd year uni, and Friday nights equated to late-night DVDs with Suarez, Nereus and Eddoes (and sometimes even Gerry... aww Gerry... where are you these days??). I miss the bumming. The bludging. The arguments about girls and guys. All that talk about love and how not to fall for cheap, overrated versions of it. Those conversations about nothing.

I miss random visits from Ian because he could smell fish coming out the kitchen window. I miss Sav & Pielle driving past my window and screaming out my name for the whole neighbourhood to hear.

And then there was Boston Markets. Why did they have to get rid of that restaurant? Why did people fail to see the value of corn bread?? And that $20 meal & movie deal at Reading Cinema that Ryan, Nez, Edwin and I exploited after deep and meaningful conversations about the skin colour, accent, and ideal qualities of our future partners... priceless stuff man. Ryan and his thing for salsa dancing... hahaha...

Don't get me wrong. Life in the house is awesome, and my friends here are irreplaceable. But so was life out West, and my friends back there are still irreplaceable. West Upperhousehold. Riann, Carlos, Jane, Gerry, Jons, Dom, Jaypee... Playing charades in my living room. Jumbling Tower. The TABOO session at Ian's place for Jonna's 21st. The beach. The St Andrew's choir and morning breakfasts at McDonald's.

I MISS MY MATES.

Bleh.

can't stand...

Bleh... it's Saturday, a beautiful blue sky is right outside my window **cue the fresh ocean breeze** but man I can't get out of this seat. I'm dying, I tell you. I want to walk to the beach and lie in the sand... but I can't move. BLAAAARRRRGGGHHH!

Couldn't sleep last night. I was still awake at 2:30am and put some music on. Tried to nod off but got up at 4:30am, walked to the toilet conquered my fear of ghosts attacking me on my way to toilet, only to be faced with the challenge of NOT falling asleep on the toilet seat... walked down stairs and almost collapsed in the kitchen.

Friday night... not fun.

Currently thinking:
- Everyone I want to call is probably at the SFC retreat, and the people who aren't haven't wanted to talk to me since I moved to the city.
- Damn this office - it's never clean.
- What am I going to eat for lunch?
- Can't move... womanhood has paralysed me for the day.
- ROCKY's pizza... mmmmhmmm..
- Yr 7 kids were gorgeous at yesterday's reflection day.
- Craving a watermelon boost juice.
- Wish my friends would visit me.
- Wish my family would too.
- Stupid uni assignments. I thought it was all meant to be over now!
- Wish I could teleport or apparate my way home.
- Wish I had a car with a built-in driver.
- Wish I had someone to snuggle with. Even a puppy would do right now.

instinctively...

Ramblings from a long train ride...

Every animal - with or without a soul - has an instinctive fear. There is some type of natural internal force that intructs us to guard our own life, and the lives of those in our family circle, for fear of losing our most valuable possession - LIFE.

Humans could do a lot of good by considering the lessons learnt from a close analysis of animal behaviour. Notice how an animal knows instinctively how important it is to produce offspring? There is a point somewhere in their life cycle where an internal "click" happens and the animal knows (instinctively!) that one of the most important (if not the most important) purpose for its existence is to produce offspring. Pass the family genes. Reproduce. Encourage the continuity of the species. Protect the bloodline. Ensure survival.

An animal knows how important - or better yet; how sacred - it is to have children. In the animal kingdom (which, by the way, humanity is a part of), motherhood is prized because without it, animals of all species (yes, including our own) would eventually cease to exist.

You're all thinking "thanks for the deep biology lesson Joy, but what's the point?" Well I pose this question... What has humanity done to the sanctity of motherhood???? The more I think about this, the angrier I become. Where is the pride in being able to create and nurture life? For a species so advanced in intellect, emotion, knowledge and technology; for a species that seems so adamant in their pursuit to improve the quality and efficiency of life, why are we so happy to hinder the creation of it?

We are a species that encourages its fellow humans to take pride in scientific or spiritual discoveries and achievements, yet we treat the ability to create the most complex, beautiful, mysterious, delicate, and powerful of all creations with such fear and disdain. How is it that humans can so casually destroy life and desecrate it, when the lowliest and simplest of all animals hold life - and the ability to create it - in such high regard?

It would be easy to justify my intense anger towards advocates of RU-486 with sound Catholic doctrine. But my reasons for contempt against this drug are far more basic than spiritual theology. Whether or not I believe a foetus is alive or dead, with or without a soul; it is the fact that we have allowed ourslves to endanger the life of a potential mother and destroying the potential for life to be created that is so disgusting.

A drug that gives potential mothers the ability to endanger their own life in order to destroy the potential of creating life in her own body is completely contradictory to the animal instinct to protect and continue life. To slow down reproduction in any animal species is unnatural. Motherhood and childbirth are essential to survival. The fact this drug is even being considered to be legalised in Australia shows that we are indeed a lost and doomed species.

I'm starting to see why people are convinced that "the end is near." It may or may not come within the decade or century, but if we wake up one morning and wonder why the fertility rate has dropped, why children dishonour and disrespect their parents, and why sexually transmitted disease is so rampant, we'll have no one to blame but ourselves. (Or has that day come already???)

To support RU-486 (or any other abortion for that matter) desecrates parenthood, builds foundations for broken families, justifies the anti-family sentiment that haunts could-have-been mothers and fathers, and disrespects humanity's unmatched ability to create life with a soul.

I wonder about those who argue ruthlessly that RU-486 is justifiable. Truthfully, it might be useful to a teenager with an unwanted pregnancy, a family with too many children, a woman with an abusive partner, a rape victim... the list goes on. Please don't think for a moment that I haven't considered these people - that their situations are any less deserving of the understanding and mercy that we would desire for ourselves if ever we were ever in their place. Because I have thought about these women... Women who should be respected and honored - as all women should be - for the ability... the gift of bearing a child that could be the difference this world could need.

It saddens me that motherhood has been trivialised. It isn't a trivial matter to infertile young women. It isn't trivial to the couple who has prayed for decades for a child to call their own. It won't be a trivial matter to the generations after us who look around at the broken families, the broken relationships and the broken hearts that litter society because we've discarded the respect due to the one thing sacred to all living things - LIFE.

You may think this issue doesn't apply to you.

It does.

What if your mother had taken that drug? You wouldn't be here. How would you react if it was your sister who wanted to take the risk? Not only will she destroy the possiblity of having a neice or nephew that one time, she risks destroying all possibilities of having a child. She risks her own life. What if it was your wife? Your teacher? Your next door neighbour? Would you be so comfortable to stand back if the women you loved most in the world chose to take that risk? How comfortable would you be if it was your turn to start a family and you couldn't?

How will our children's children value the lives of others if their parents can't value the life of the child?

The respect has to start now. The respect has to start here. The respect has to start with you.

It is human instinct - to live.

it's morphin time!!

Welcome to February - the second month of 2006. January was proof that this year is going to fly by without me even being able to blink.

Yesterday I paid my "real home" (as some friends like to remind me) a visit and spent the early evening diving into childhood memories by watching The Power Rangers Movie. Brought me back to the unforgettable schoolyard moments of 1994 and 1995 when pink ranger was my idol and all I wanted to do was cartwheels and backflips at the back of St Pat's playground in order to fight off those deadly Putties. Man... pink ranger was such a bimbo though. (that explains alot ay?)

Of course there's always my way of making sure I still tease out a moral out of last night's nostalgic couch experience. What was it that the half-naked warrior of the planet Vados was saying? Oh yes... the stronger power lies within.

When all hope is lost, then remember that GOD IS THE STRENGTH OF YOUR HEART.

The best inward sign of vocation is deep gladness – revolutionary but true. If a work is mine to do, it will make me glad over the long haul, despite the difficult days. Even the difficult days will ultimately gladden me, because they pose the kinds of problems that can help me grow in a work if it is truly mine.
[P. Palmer - The Courage To Teach]

It's been a month of training at the CYS house, and without a doubt - the strength to get through the long days is definitely from a source unbeknown to me. Each day brings with it a new set of challenges - be it spiritual, emotional, mental or physical... but I really praise God for providing CYS with such a devoted, affirming, funny and faithful team to do his work this year!

Having said that, if you read this, please note that our first retreat is tomorrow - so please send out a prayer for us!!

We are the limbs and eyes and faces in and through whom Christ plays.
[E.H.Peterson - Christ Plays In Ten Thousand Places]