a tribute

I miss you... and I hate that I do only now that you're not around anymore.
And it sucks that you had to leave the way you did - because everyone knows it didn't have to happen that way - that it just shouldn't have happened that way...

But right now I'm thinking... of you in my year 7 English class with Miss Young. Innocent back then, with curly hair, big smile and long (un-hemmed, unrolled) skirt, pretending to be Sheree Nemeth's second cousin from Mauritius.
Then there was year 8 French with Miss Young in the Bally block. Funny how school does so much give us chances as well as screw us up (or maybe give us changes to screw up...)
Days in Coraki and Mrs Robinson-Taylor.
(",) Then you grew up, got rebellious and ended up getting suspended on a picnic table with your friends... oh the laughs, the swearing and the happiness of high school. Brilliant huh? Your backbites, your laughter, and all the things I wish I could fold into a box, sticky tape your name onto it and keep it in a place where everyone has access...

Wish I'd known you better... wish you'd had a chance to live out your Summer plans, your cynical dreams or just jump around your room to New Found Glory and Me First and the Gimme Gimmes... wish you'd know me better too... wish I could tell your friend that it's gonna be ok one day.

So I wonder now if you had regrets. Always seemed to me like you were so opiniated. And that was something I really did admire about you - you had an opinion - especially when I was too weak to have opinions. And I did a loooot of stuff that pissed you off probably because we just didn't understand each other...

Ah... but now you're gone. And there are wounds - not because of your mistakes - but because of our mistake of not appreciating you when you were around. And no matter how much we cry, it won't change the mistake that I've made of not caring more or not loving more, or not telling you that you're sooo worth the effort more... but even though you probably can't hear me - I just thought I'd let you know that you are.

And if there's anything that this night of thoughts or these days of tears, confusion, heart combustion and emotional turmoil have taught me it's this:

Never underestimate those that we love. Never forget to show them how much they mean to you. Because this day will fall like a blink of an eyelash, and this life will roll by as we wave our goodbyes...

I do miss you. And I miss all our friends. And I hope... that you know and that you're friends and family will keep this one fact close to their hearts...

We won't ever forget...