yeah it's time to switch that brain off...

I didn't think I sounded that tired, but I guess it's just become part of my personality. Picking up the phone with half a sigh... wondering if there is anything other than more obligations to really look forward to.
It's been a fortnight full of ugly insights into the sickening reality of adulthood... and yes, I would like to quietly slip under my 3 blankets, cuddle up with my Eeyore, Mylow and Grrr... and pretend that growing up is on my "wish list" as opposed to my never ending "to-do" list.

Granted, there are some perks. But I'm not in the mood to go down that path tonight.

Instead, tonight, I am listening to "Seventeen Ain't So Sweet" (which is also getting a bit depressing, because I sure as hell ain't seventeen anymore, and the fire in my eyes and the strain in my voice is long gone), and wondering why my brain keeps on ticking, even though I've turned its switch off many times. Perhaps it's defaulted into "work mode" and will stay there until the day I resign. Oh F%^#K.

Ahhh - the song has switched to "I Could Sing Of Your Love Forever." That's better. Much more soothing.

So... today I was still in the office at 6:15pm, trying to chase up a few of the 59 flagged emails. I managed to get through about 30 of them before I realised the Operations Team were all about to pack up and leave for the night, and there was no way I was going to stay in that big leaking demountable all by myself.

I caught the slow train home, listening to "Big Girls Don't Cry" and was hit with the fact that I'm not a big girl, and yes I do cry. I am small, tired, and wish someone would pick me up and give me a really long, affectionate hug - without my having to ask for it.

By "someone" I actually mean my boyfriend... who is great at giving hugs... but he's been somewhat distracted lately. What with work... and then he's one of the biggest purchases of his life... and he's going to Brisbane tomorrow. That amongst other things. So I couldn't really count on him to notice any of my clues about needing some emotional support tonight.

Instead I turn to this screen, these worn out keys of this faithful HP, the heater purring beside my bed, and the candle flickering and wafting the aroma of frangipanis and rose petals.

My hair needs a wash.