Have you ever listened to the sound of fire? I find it somewhat fascinating... it's so soft, and yet the sound it makes is powerful. From the tiny flicker of a candle, to the trembling gusts of wind that come as a naked flame roars through the bush; fire is intense, potent, mighty... leaving a severe effect on everything it comes into contact with.
There's nothing as intriguing as a naked flame. I could sit and watch a camp fire for hours, regardless of how stupid the songs sound, or the chatter that floats over it. A single candle makes its presence known in even the darkest room. The rustling tongues of heat that warm a room can turn the chilliest night into the cosiest moment.
I'm not sure why this is the image that has come to mind. I just know that right now, it's freezing in the CYS office, and I'm exhausted. Mentally, physically, emotionally... but not spiritually. No... the Spirit is definitely alive in me. Even if it's a tiny flicker, I can feel its flame. I can sense its power... and somewhere, from a source beyond my control, I feel it empowering me.
It's the end of Term 2. Chapter 2 has but 5 days of ministry left. I feel the energy slowly inching out of my body, as it cries out for much needed sleep. How was it, that at the beginning of May, I survived so easily on 5 hours of sleep, and now I struggle to get through the day even if I've had 10? The team is past the half-way marker of our year-long race.
And what a race it has been! Bec flew up to Alice Springs today, and I miss her already. I've watched as this random team of six strangers has transformed into a complex, unified and extravagant jigsaw puzzle. Each person has their weakness and missing bits, but also has the ability to complement and fill in the space left by the other - altogether creating a buzzing, lively and inspiring picture. One complete, unified body... of Christ. :)
If you're reading this, then we need your prayers. Today marks Day #2 of the Randwick Parish mission. It's an interesting business: introducing people to Christ... but fulfilling, despite the setbacks. The only thing that will help us (besides your physical presence at the TESTIFY Youth Rally this Friday night!) is your prayers... your intercession... and your faith.
Sometimes I wonder if I'm really fit for this. If this is really where God wants me to be, if doing what I'm doing is worth it... all the doubts creep in, all the insecurities, the tiredness, the temptation to throw in the towel and walk off the field....
But then I remember the sound the flame.
If you don't understand what I mean, light a match. Such a tiny light can make a very significant sound. The rush of heat, power, light and strength all captured in one tiny flame at the end of one small, insignificant piece of wood. Let the flame linger on a candle, and listen to it burn.
Sometimes I feel like that candle.
Something powerful is eating away at me.
I feel parts of me are disappearing, melting, dripping away.
My time. My skills. My energy. My thoughts. My will. My strength.
Something stronger than me, something brighter than me, something far more significant than me is burning away at my selfishness, my bitterness, my brokenness, my confusion, my anxiety, my ignorance, my shame... and as it does so... a light emanates.
The light is not my own.
It was placed there by someone greater, someone stronger, someone purer than me.
But it's using me to shine a little. To provide a bit of light. Perhaps even some warmth.
How can something so small, so weak, fragile and yielding as a candle hold something so powerful like a flame? The same fire that can burn, destroy, light up, heat, transform, and give life, can rest in a broken, misshapen, sloppy and feeble candle.
I ask the same question when I wonder how God can use me... and He gently reminds me, as he whispers through that flame, that it is possible. That something as powerful, transcendent, enormous, intriguing, awesome and magnificent as God himself, can live, work and use something as weak, broken, confused, young and unworthy as me.
Why? Because he wants to. Why? Because he wants someone to carry his light. Because he wants someone to host his warmth. Because he wants someone to be a vessel...
So when you're feeling burnt out; when your flame begins to flicker in the wind... remember: As the flame burns you, you are giving light to others. You are the vessel of a strong, omnipotent and unstoppable force. That power is using you to light up that same darkness that you fear is trapping you. Don't rely on your own strength, but look instead, to the light that He's put in YOU.
Use that light in the dark world to lead others to the right path.
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