naked bedroom walls

I could have washed a small puppy with the amount of sweat that was dripping from my skin about five minutes ago... assuming that I had a puppy of course. And I doubt perspiration is very hygenic... but it seems that there is a sauna disguised as my bedroom upstairs, and it's not a very inviting place to be at the moment.

This heat makes the things on my to-do list somewhat difficult to achieve - instead of vacuuming the horribly dusty corners of that freaky space otherwise known as Under My Bed, I'm sitting directly under the airconditioning system in the computer room. And instead of packing, I've just transfered all the junk that was once upstairs in my sauna/bedroom into the living room. *sigh* And the trouble is figuring out just what I'm supposed to pack.

I just re-read Lydon's introductory letter to the mission team: Next year will be a fantastic year of mission, and it is really important to leave distractions behind, to focus on Jesus who will get us through, and help us fight the good fight.

So what counts as a "distraction" exactly? I can name a few... but not publicly. I'm having enough difficulty trying to un-kerfuffle the emotional overload that the Christmas season brought with it and left behind in my brain. Family. Friends. More-than-but-not-really-"just-friends". Work. YFC.

...My bedroom walls look bare and depressing. I'm one of those girls who like to cover walls with as much sentimental stuff as I possibly can to remind me of good times, hopeful eras and joyful moments. Now those sentimental belongings are in a box on top of my desk. Bible passages, inspirational quotes, photos, paintings. I was trying to decide whether or not to move my pin-board from this bedroom to the Clovelly bedroom, because it has my world map on it. Trying to figure out what to hang onto and what to let go of is a tough decision. For the past three days I've been muttering "simplify your life... simplify your life..." as I discard broken belongings, broken memories, and unnecessary items from the clutter that is my bedroom. Today I discovered three dried roses pinned to the sides of my whiteboard and totally forgot who had given them to me and for what occassion - a sure sign that they too now belong in the black garbage bag.

There's not much else I need to pack so I can cart them off to the mission house next week. But there is a lot of things I want to pack away and seal with heavy-duty duck tape. Like that ugly pile of filing that is now sitting on top of the organ. And my uni ... stuff. (I was about to write "uni crap" but that's just mean isn't it?) But I can't really pack that away just yet. I've got one more subject to go and that starts in less than three weeks. I guess the good news is that one month from now, I should have completed the last subject of my degree. Whoopteedoooo!!!

Then there's all my YFC files. Talk outlines. Reflections. Conference and retreat memorabilia. Photos. Activities and games archives. *sigh* I could dedicate a whole new blog to the life I had in YFC. I cried bucket-loads the night we had the West Upper Household Christmas party... not because I was sad... but because it finally hit me that I was letting go of something that has been an enormous part of my life since I was in 9th grade. This must be how to feels to donate an kidney or some other body organ. You know... give it up for bigger and better things, for the benefit of other people... despite the risks involved, the pain of the surgery, or permanent feeling that you're just not quite yourself anymore.

Then of course there's SPY. I was about to get teary on Christmas Eve, until I realised I must be the luckiest Youth Coordinator to be working with so many fun, faithful and talented people. And it's not the success of the group that makes my heart swell. It's seeing them learn how to love that makes me so happy. You know how rare it is to witness such profound changes? People walk past those miracles everyday. But I got to watch it, work with it and have it work in me for two and a half years. It'll kill me to pull down all those photos on my office door though. It's funny how attached I am... but if you meet these kids, you'll understand why.

The tide is changing in the life of joyous_skitz. My family doesn't seem to think this is a big deal since I can come back on weekends. But coming back home isn't particularly appealing since I'm hardly at home anyway... it's everything else that I'm saying goodbye to that will make 2006 so different. Studies, my youth group, my service, my job, my friends.

The things that once piled on top of a plate that people thought was so difficult to balance are all finally clearing away for a platter with a very different size and serving. Will I be left hungry? I doubt it... but I'm still freakin scared.

At least my room in Clovelly won't be so naked. ;o)