just don't forget...

There are moments in your life that remind you of the very reason why you were created.

Tonight was one of those moments. Tonight was one of those moments when my heart felt like it was doing more than just pumping blood through my body. It was beating. I could feel its rhythm. My eyes were doing more than processing patterns of light. They were seeing more than the room or the objects in it. They saw more than the screen and more than the reflection in the mirror.

They were seeing life for the first time... again.

It's like that feeling you get when you kiss someone for the first time. Sometimes it's scary. Sometimes you're uncertain. More often than not, you're excited - even though it's like fumbling with a language you don't have a thorough understanding of. Whatever the context, place, time, or person... the constant factor between each time it occurs is that things are different after it happens.

Today's "First Kiss" felt no different.. and much like Drew Barrymore in 50 First Dates, I hope I get to feel it everyday.

Sorry to disappoint any readers, but I thought I should clarify that didn't actually experience any real first kisses with any boys today. But, being the hopeless romantic that I am (sorry to make some of you puke!), I'll liken this feeling that I'm feeling right now to that feeling after The First Kiss.

It started this afternoon as I got to the bus stop after class. I realised then that there was something about today that gave me a little spring in my step as I walked through the car park and over the pedestrian crossing. Something in me made me look at the sky, and despite the murky grey shadows in the clouds, I was comforted. Something in me made me breathe in the air with a deeper appreciation. Despite the cold biting at my skin, I could feel something warm.

These images all sound cliche, but there was nothing cliche about the events of this afternoon.

I got off the bus and went to my doctor's appointment. I was shivering in the waiting room. After watching them try several times to find the right vein to get two blood samples from, I left the pathology lab feeling slightly faint. I called another lab to make another appointment and put down the phone feeling disheartened and afraid. The warm feeling I'd felt at the bus stop was slowly being sapped the longer I stayed at the surgery. At first I thought it was the air-conditioning, but then I realised I was getting colder because of my fear.

I started walking, hoping to get warmer, but the fear got stronger and so did the cold. By the time I reached the automatic doors my teeth were chattering. I walked inside wondering where I could buy a coffee.

And then I saw him.

I looked up, our eyes met, and the cold was evaporated the moment he smiled.

Something in me shifted. Something in me told me this was no ordinary day.

There are very few people I've met who've had the power to make me feel this way. Only the very select few know how to sweep me off my feet without even having to try. But today I saw someone who could - and did. From the moment he smiled, the spring in my step came back. The sky remained grey, but I was comforted. The air was still cold, but I breathed it deeply and gratefully.

That was part one of The Kiss.

Part two was after I packed for Wollongong. Have you ever watched Patch Adams? If you haven't, then go to the video store now. Yes - now. Turn off the computer, jump in the car with your Video Ezy card and get it. Now. Then re-read this blog.

Yes, so - part two. Part Two came through that movie. Part Two was an affirmation and full-stop - or better yet, an exclamation mark - on everything that I felt in Part One. Part Two was God reminding me what I'm going to do with my life. Part Two was God telling me that all my fears, all my insecurities, all my worries and all my concerns were smothered by one overpowering element of my spirit that I have yet to completely embrace... my passion to love. Love Him. Love him.

It's hard to describe and I'm posting it on here because I don't want to forget this feeling - even though I'm having enough trouble articulating it. But I'll give it a go, even though I risk sounding incredibly stupid.

You see... I have a dream. (no wait... that line's been used before. Besides it's wrong -) I have a lot of dreams. And I know, from experience, that when I dream, it's doesn't just remain a dream. It becomes a goal. And, if God likes the goal, he turns it into a plan. And then it becomes reality. And then it becomes my life.

I've seen it happen with a lot of things. The first major thing (not counting anything that happened in high school, although that would be a nice thought...) was the GK Challenge of 2004. With the help of 2 boys names Chris, an unforgettable and irreplaceable priest, and an incredibly dedicated youth group & parish, we were able to raise just under $12,000 to rebuild houses for the poor in Philippines. That's three times the amount I had aimed to raise.

Then there was the youth newsletter. At first it was a once off publication. An announcement that the group existed, and had accomplished great things. Then the accomplishments became monthly, and so did the newsletter. That was dream #2.

Then there was the concert. Call me crazy, but who would've thought a group of teenagers/tertiary students could co-produce a concert in two months? It wasn't a professional shindig. It wasn't a out-of-the-world performance. But from the scratch that we started with, the final product was something to be proud of. And certainly I am - not of me, but of everyone else who made it happen. The production team. The performers. The families. The church. The young people. People who reflected the face of God. People who swept me off my feet. That was dream #3.

Then there was Europe. All 1,257 digital photos prove how amazing that adventure was. Ten countries down before the age of 21. If that isn't a major dream accomplished, I don't know what is.

The current miracle involves living next the beach, right behind a church in an enormous house with its own chapel, and housemates that are out of this world. I get to do what I love to do full-time for a whole year.

And so the list goes on. It's not an extensive list... but the miracle in each achievement sure makes up for the lack of numbers.

The thing you have to understand here is that I'm not putting these up here to brag. I'm merely pointing out something that I've only re-realised tonight: and that's the simple reality that

DREAMS ACTUALLY CAN COME TRUE.

My life is a living, answered prayer. God does it all the time. He actually enjoys it.

And so there I was, watching Patch Adams. And suddenly I got teary. I thought about all my dreams. All my goals. All my plans. They played around in my mind. Before today, they were teasing me as they played through my imagination. They used to taunt and mock me and whisper awful things like, "It'll never happen Joy - just get with reality..."

But not today. Today I contentedly closed my eyes and saw my dreams coming alive. It was almost as if God watched those dreams with me and, with a tender smile extended his hand over the universe, winked, and then drew a massive red tick. And that feeling... ooh do I love that feeling.

The feeling of grasping perfection. Even for a split second. That feeling of bliss. Of hope. Where the heart leaps, or dances, or cries, or skips, or explodes... or maybe all of the above all at the same time. That taste of heaven. That kiss. That First Kiss.

I describe it here because I want to tell myself: don't forget that feeling.

I think they call it love.