the end of an era

I'm ridiculously tired, but I've wanted to blog all week. There have been times in the car when I've thought of a really witty title to head the interesting conundrum or adventure that God's allowed me experience... but now that I'm here with a blank screen in front of me, I can't think of anything good to write.

First, happy birthday to all the july babies - Nez, Suarez, Sav, Annie, RJ, Jo, Raymond, PJay, Lisa. Luna Park and Tony Roma's have already topped off an incredible week packed with blessings.

It all started with the conference. Weekends away with hundreds of ordinary teenagers with extraordinary faith are undoubtedly life-changing, but this weekend has hit no.1 when it comes to matters of the heart. What moved me most was how it became so blatantly clear what God wanted me to do with my life. I know he's been whispering to me for quite a while now... but it's at a point on the road where his high-beams are on and the tangled pathways are suddenly beginning to unravel. I had a chance to sit back and really think about what I really needed to surrender, to give up, to take on, to change, and what actions I needed to take. Each conversation during that conference was a God-send - slowly I'm starting to discover the answers that my heart has been yearning to find.

Tonight's walk across the bridge with Ryan was not only funny but insightful - I realised something about patience and true love (ironic, since he's two years younger than me and we spend most of our conversations teasing each other about dreamy relationships that are a good ten years away from really happening). I flashed back to the campsite in Brisbane and the ecstasy of being so close to heaven, and knew at an instant that nothing else could replace or transcend the beautiful feeling of opening my heart and giving it all to God. I remember the tears in my eyes, and the feeling in my heart as I kneeled there on Sunday... and I prayed and prayed with all the energy and faith that was in me that I would be used to spread the very same love that was consuming me right there.

Passionate love is renowned for leading people to do irrational things. Perhaps choosing an unstable career of intangible rewards is irrational, but without a doubt, and with all my heart, I know that every leap of faith made when passionately in love with God is a leap in the right direction.

So here I lie, on a cold Winter night, after a beautiful night out with my best mates in the city, and all I can do is praise God. Praise him for knowing how to provide me with everything I've ever needed... praise him for simple joy... praise him for renewing my hope... praise him for taking my hand... and praise him for taking my life in his hands even though I don't deserve such grace.