estúpido Dummkopf!

I'm one of those people who makes lists. I love my lists. I even go the point where I colour code them. Depending on the contents, things are alphabetised or sorted by level of urgency. They also have to look neat, so that I feel more motivated to complete the task. And things have to be ticked off or crossed off neatly too.
Lists make me feel like everything is under control. They give me a sense of stability and composure. Lists are rafts in the middle of seven stormy seas. Lists pull my thoughts into a legible format and make my dreams and chaotic ramblings understandable. Lists sort out rationality from emotion.
In short, they are the anchor for everything else inside me that is, in its natural state, chaotic.

My current dilemma, however, is that I can't rationalise at the moment. No matter how many lists I make (and believe me, my mind has made them over and over again) as to why I should stop making the stupider and stupidest decisions of my life... I can't fight the urge.

Currently the battle is between my head and my heart. Surely, someone out there has experienced this before?! When your heart defies all logic and persuasive rhetoric that your mind emits? What did you do? How did you solve the problem? How did you compromise?

Your mind tells you that the cliff is dangerous, but your heart yearns for the view, for the thrill, for the feeling of the wind in your air and the sound of your voice echoing across the valley.

Your mind tells you that the water is too deep, but your heart craves for the chill of the water, the adventure amongst the waves, the boldness of the current, and the elasticity of the liquid as it wraps itself around you.

Your mind tells you that science explains the blue sky, the warm breeze and the whisper of the wind, but your heart convinces you that the sunset was painted for you, the light is shining on you, the breeze is flying for you and the music in the trees was composed by the God who loves you.

Your mind tells you that the world is too big and the problem too complicated, but your heart argues that love can conquer all, that determination is sufficient, that faith can move mountains, cure illnesses, survive disasters and change lives.

Your mind tells you it isn't possible, but your heart hopes that it is.

I am learning that there is nothing quite as vulnerable as a heart full of unexplainable hope. It is the same type of hope you see in the eyes of a baby who discovers something new for the first time. It is the same type of hope you see in a child who is standing at the entrance of a lolly store for the first time. The competitor waiting for first place to be announced. The girl breathing nervously, waiting for the first kiss. The man on his knee, holding a ring, making his first real commitment. The couple waiting for their first baby.

Unexplainable, but beautiful, hope.

No list can rationalise. No list can justify. No list can explain, change or calculate pure hope. The hope that stems - not from logic - but from love. Not from the mind... but from the heart.

I feel like a fool when I think about my hope. Vulnerable, stupid, irrational and completely obtuse. All of me is conflicted between the facts that my mind already knows, and the dreams that my heart refuses to let go of.

Tell me... is it stupid to hope? When you know in your mind that what you hope for in your heart makes NO sense... which voice do you listen to? Or are we all doomed to stay foolish in our hopefulness???