What a weird week it's been. Since Sunday, I've had so many ups and downs and I am all over the place - I feel like I'm surfing on quicksand - moving slowly, clumsily, and waiting for the moment where I fall off and drown completely.
Right now: listening to "Stay Together For The Kids" by Blink 182 (which is starting to get depressing... so let's forward it to... "Isn't She Lovely" - the punk cover. Sitting in the media labs abusing wireless Internet again.
Planning to: Edit some tracks for the soundtrack of the Revelations project. (hence the depressing music - Harley is a depressing character.)
Realised: My greatest traits and biggest downfalls run from the same characteristic: I am an overly ambitious person by nature.
Sometimes: I just need people to remind me that my dreams... no matter how crazy, far-fetched and ridiculous... are achievable.
At the same time: Please do not be afraid to hit me in the face with reality. (only not this week, because I'm incredibly sensitive and prone to a tear here and there - be VERY careful and DO NOT attempt anything out of the ordinary unless you bring offerings of pretty pink flowers and lots of almond Hersheys.)
Hey so I just realised that people from my household are probably reading this... hmm... normally that would cause me to think twice about what I should include in my bloggings. But I do apologise... I'm in no mood to cull my thoughts and hide my feelings - I'm an open book and you might have to get used discovering strange contents on my pages.. you might even find some torn pages, stained pages, pages with nothing but scribble, pages full of little sketches...but (as the title of this BLOG alludes) - you will mainly find completely random gibberish because that's what I am full of! And blah blah blah...
But... since Ava did say I'd blog about the girls household: Here it is: my thought and findings of what ended up being a very fun and inspiring night...
"I wish for no other joy but that of making you smile..."
I woke up on Tuesday and went to Mass with one clear prayer in my heart: "Speak to me today, God... I need you to guide me. Give me faith, direction and especially strength to walk the paths you are directing me to."
So when the night's conversation moved to being a saint... what more direction did I need? As the life of St Therese of Lisieux unfolded in our discussion, God's voice became clearer:
St Therese was born into a big family. After 4 children died, she was the youngest of 5 girls. She always got sick... but was healed through the intercession and beautiful smile of Mamma Mary. Her goal was to please God by doing ordinary thing in extraordinary ways so that God would always be glorified.
And as if the night's conversation wasn't enough guidance, God decided to make me smile a little more. Got home around midnight... walked into my bedroom, and what did I see on top of my sister's bed?
"The autobiography of St Therese of Lisieux - The Story of A Soul" ... hmmm... *winks to Jesus*
It's a beautiful book - and I'm only up to reading about her childhood. But what a sweet sign of love - for God to put the book in my room, just so I could read it. Nice huh?
And since then... I've been affirmed of a lot of things; but to cut this blog short (and actually start the assignment that I came in here to work on) - here they are:
- Living the life of a Christian is always going to be hard. Following Christ means picking up a cross - no matter how big or heavy (or how small or strangely shaped) - and embracing it. The onlookers laughed at Jesus when he embraced his cross the day He walked the long path to Calvary. But He asks us to do the same - to embrace suffering of all kinds and remember that in doing so, we join him (what a privilege!). We'll get laughed at too... but it comes with the territory. And it's worth being a fool for those you love...
- St Therese did this by being joyful in her sickness. She didn't do this self-righteously, but with the calm and sincere understanding that through her own suffering, she was imitating God. Her story is empowering because she achieved anything with the unshakeable faith of being loved by her Creator. How I wish I could have the same passion and desire to please my Father, my Brother, my Best Friend... ;o)
- The girls in the household pointed out that in our small sufferings, we have the opportunity to miss God and go on a journey to find him again... which is exactly what someone in love would do if they were separated from the person they loved. When we're separated from God, we want to find him... and mate - HE WANTS TO BE FOUND!
- We must be lost in order to be found, broken to be re-assembled, sick in order to be healed. The small things that make us stumble are simply an opportunity to get back up again. Whether we do this on our own efforts or with the helping hands of others, the point is that we realise God wants us to get back up.
- We can always be reaffirmed with the fact that after the crucifixion came the ressurection. There is nothing that can't be conquered - anything can be overcome... for through Christ we conquer death and rise again.
- Prayer won't always be inspiring, nor will it always be hyped up, full of the Spirit, nor will it always leave us with an indescribable feeling of ecstasy... it is when we choose to pray when it is difficult that we gain merit and build up our treasures in heaven.
- Achievement is not about accomplishing what feels good - it is enduring what can sometimes be terrible, despite it being terrible.
- The more we discover the intricate secrets of science, the more we are affirmed that there is a God - from the proportions of our bodies, the contours of our face, the enormity of our universe, the serinity found in silence - there is evidence that there is nothing that could possibly exist in its shape and form without something bigger and more intelligent shaping it into existence.
And I'll leave you with one of my favourites:
"The sun shines equally both on cedars and on every tiny flower. In just the same way God looks after every soul as if it had no equal. All is planned for the good of every soul, exactly as the seasons are so arranged that the humblest daisy blossoms at the appointed time..."
[St Therese]
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