Breakfast

I'm having breakfast my desk because I got to work early, and I think I just swallowed a seed. (Nutri Grain & Fruit Salad... healthy??? I don't know!)

It's too bad I'm on this computer because it won't let me edit colour on my blogs so these are starting to look a bit lifeless. But I guess the life should be in the words, as opposed to the design.

What does today bring? I haven't got a clue. I look forward to whatever they throw at me in the office today - like I told Eddoes - I thrive on work. =) But I felt really dead on the train today.

I've made myself a little challenge every morning though. After a good two and half weeks working in the city I've noticed that not many people smile anymore - so I'm trying to tally how many people I can get to smile between Town Hall Station and the end of Pitt St. Today it was 1. 2 if you include the guy at the Convenience Store who gave me a 15cent discount on my breakfast... One day I'll see if he'll give me something for free.

Hahaha... ok better get cracking. I think the receptionist's taking a day off (poor thing - I probably made her sick!)but I hope she gets better.

Ah... toodles to all and if you read this in the morning, have a beautiful day!

Where are you right now? At work

What do you look like? Too much detail will result in too much teasing. =P

Are you tall, are you short? Well you're taller than me - that's for sure!

Do you shave? When necessary.

What colour is your hair? Black. But I'm sure it's been dyed before... =)

What type of shows did you watch and what books do you read? Hahaha... books? What's a book? But yes... you watch TV. I know that much.

Do you go to uni, do you have a job? No. Yes.

How many people are in your family? I haven't got a clue!

Will I get along with them the first time I meet them? Well I think I do get along with some of them. The ones I know anyway... but I can never tell.

Will I get along with you the first time I meet you? Ooh.. that's a tough one. Did we?

Where are you and what are you doing? Not thinking about the same thing I'm thinking, because if you were, I wouldn't be this frustrated! Hehehee...

Are you awake…? Let's hope so! Or else you'd would be pretty screwed. Then again you're tired.

Will you laugh at me for wondering these things and asking these questions? Definitely.

Are you sweet, sensitive.. or are you rough and closed off from the world? Neither. Well... you've had moments when you're sweet. They're a rare find. Sensitive? Hardly. Rough? No - you're a wimp! (No, I'm just kidding, you're not - I promise!) Closed off from the world? A lot of time. But you are alert - I'll give you that much credit.

Are you passive or are you the initiator? Oooh... I won't answer that. It's a scale-tipping question.

Do you procrastinate or get things done? You love to procrastinate but you're also efficient.

Are we alike or complete opposites? Complete opposite!

And I think that's why I'm so stuffed. Because we are such a contradiction!!

difficult to love

Just a few thoughts...

...You have heard that it was said, "You shall love your neighbour and hate your enemy." But I say to you, love your enemies, and pray for those who persecute you,that you may be children of your heavenly Father....

....For if you love those who love you, what recompense will you have? Do not the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet your brothers only, what is unusual about that? Do not the pagans do the same?


The thing that I loved about Jesus is he knew what to look for in a person. How to know if they were genuine or not. Sometimes I wish I had the same expertise...

I mean, love in its essence is selfless right? Then why do people claim to "love" each other when what they do for the other person is for a selfish motive? I don't quite understand the workings of the male mind but one thing is for sure --> I never want to be a guy.

on a desk

I was on the phone with a mate for quite a while last night, and I've got to admit that the time spent babbling was VERY therapeutic.

Right now I'm at work. There have been so many times when I've wanted to write something up but it's hard to stay focused when there are phones ringing, references to check, consultants to support, photocopiers jamming etc.



Ah... the issues I wish I could air but are far too sensitive to be written. *sigh*

weight loss?

I have issues with girls who try too hard to impress people by losing weight or dieting.

So here's something that might interest all you wanna-be-stick-thin-models in the world.

** Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.

Cheers!

wanting - yearning - hoping** (and all other such things)

"For after years of living in a cage, a lion no longer even believes it is a lion...

and a man no longer believes he is a man..."

A girl wants to be chosen.

By "chosen" one doesn't mean the boy runs into the fruit store and grabs the last apple left in the box. Sure, he's been wanting one all day, and sure, it may satisfy his craving, despite it's bruises, mouldy stem and strange shape. The apple, if it is the only apple in the box, will be chosen by anyone who wants it desperately.

But desperation was never a good condition to make one's choices.

Missy Higgins captured sentiment perfectly when she sang "scar" -

"Coz I'm a little bit tired of feeling that I'll be the bad fruit nobody buys..."

No... A girl wants to be chosen - not because she's the only one left to choose. Not even because she's the one there to choose... She wants to know that he chose her above all the rest.

She wants to know that he ran into Duffy Bros, knowing he wanted the perfect, luscious, sweet and tantilising fruit to tend to his desires... and despite the tens and hundreds of fruit that surround him, despite their better shape, colour, or taste, despite the fact that this one is a bit bruised, a bit oddly-shaped... or even if a piece is missing... he'd see it, pick it up, maybe have a whiff of its pleasant aroma... look back at all the other, perhaps even better fruit that he might have picked... and still know this was the one for him.

She wants to know that despite all the other books on the shelf, despite their bright designs, their thick chapters, their inviting pictures... he is captivated by her story. Despite her torn pages, stained sheets and dull, funny-coloured front cover, he picked up hers. She wants to know that even though some pages were empty, or ripped from shame... it was this thin, ordinary-looking book that he chose to pick up, brush the dust off and spend hours of his day staring into.

A girl wants to be chosen.

the burp and fart combo

Late night thinking?

If u fart consistently for 6 years & 9 months, enough gas is produced 2 create the energy of an atomic bomb.

driving through puddles

So there was a massive hail storm today...

Ian: (driving) Hey Joy, watch this, this is fun!
Joy: (sees massive puddle on the left-hand side of the road)
Ian: (drives through puddle, creating a micro-tsunami on the pavement)
Joy: But if my window was open, if wouldn't have been fun.
Ian: Yeah, but it would've been funnier!

Guess it all depends on positioning and perspective?

hail storm in choatic brain

I know that I just improvise

But you think I choose

To guard myself from all the lies

And heartache's deja vus

I'm trying not to lose my way

But you don't seem to see

The crossroads that I'm on today

I've reached - frustratedly

I may walk tall with confidence,

But if you use your eyes

You'll see that I don't much much sense

My posture's my disguise

Please don't put your faith in me,

My doubts you do not hear

Coz if you observe carefully,
I'm tiptoeing in fear...

My only hope is in His plan
- I have nothing to give
So if you put things in my hands
Your dreams will be short-lived

****

I got home this evening and my Mum was wondering if I'd gotten caught up in the storm, but I was completely oblivious because I was indoors blowing those toxic plastic balloons that you get from the Philippines and watching "Desperate House WiVes" and reruns of "F.R.I.E.N.D.S" with two good mates.

I realised I've been blogging a fair bit in the past week - not because I have anything worthwhile to say, but really because I want to vent, and this is one of my many outlets.

pungent

Kristone returned my HSC Extention English 2 Major Work last Saturday...
After sitting down to have a squiz and what was in my brain three years ago, I realised I haven't sat down and worked on a creative piece in a looong time. Sadly, I think my hibernation as a writer may have permanently affected my thinking processes - in a detrimental way.

I will admit though, it was exciting to flip through the pages with fond nostalgia and remember, with affection, the origins of my 4 characters - Kayla, Rei, Carson and Mario. Each with their own characteristics, personalities, families, stories, reasons, fears and journeys.

One beautiful thing about being a writer is the fact that an entire world, an unforgettable journey, and one or four or maybe ten different lives can come alive simply by using the right words in the right order for the right effect. Isn't it amazing that when I write "smelly" you know what I mean? But when I write "pungent" it gives a different meaning to "smelly?"

Ok time to shut up and go to bed.

I hate it when things get complicated. I like things simple. I get complicated and I hate that too.

But I guess I can’t help but wonder...Where are you right now? What do you look like? Are you tall, are you short… do you shave, what colour is your hair? What type of shows did you watch and what books do you read? Do you go to uni, do you have a job? How many people are in your family? Will I get along with them the first time I meet them?

Will I get along with you the first time I meet you?

Where are you and what are you doing? Are you awake… like me? Could it be possible that you’re typing away at a laptop in the middle of the night… after watching reruns of a teenage drama you were attached to in high school or downloading music by a rock band?
Will you laugh at me for wondering these things and asking these questions?
Are you sweet, sensitive.. or are you rough and closed off from the world? Are you passive or are you the initiator? Do you procrastinate or get things done?
Are we alike or complete opposites?

And while I wonder all these crazy things, I think to myself… I don’t even really know who I am… so how is it that I should be asking these things about you?

“You’ll meet a lot of different guys before you find the right one… or the guy you are with will have to learn from a lot situations like this before he becomes the right one”

STAND UP!

Wednesday...
- SPY rep council camp at Bonnie Vale... about 300m away from the beach [WOW!]
- Setting up Nereus' tent with much difficulty, until Mr Tjen came to the rescue
- Getting burried in the sand... lovely sunburnt mermaid.
- BBQ and roast potatoes for dinner... *yum!!*
- Session 1: Stand UP! - watching them trying to find a rope blindfolded... and watching them lead each other to Jesus [literally!] =)
- Walkin to the water hole and climbing up rocks for the beautiful view...

"I do not fear for I know that all that happens is part of His plan, and all that is His plan is for His glory and for His love..."

- THE STARS ARE BEAUTIFUL.
- Fireworks - Australia Day
- Girl talk ;o)
- Rain at 4:30am - **whoopeee!!** Jumping up in the middle of the night and yelling "the food!" cz we'd left it all outside...

Thursday...
- Bait hunting on the sand bay... watching nippers trying to swim away and finding my new friend "Hermit" the soldier crab
- Forgetting to release the fishing line when I cast out... *ahem*
- Building a Ninja-Turtle sand-sculpture and Tony & Courtney's desperate attempt to make sure it was safe from the tide ...
- Session 2: STAND FOR ...

"Do not let anyone look down on you because you are young, but be an example to the believers in your speech, conduct, faith, love and purity..."

- Fried rice with SPAM, corn, eggs and... (despite my violent protests!) capsicum

- Session 3: STAND PROUD...

"My grace is sufficient for you, my power made perfect in weakness..."

- Roasting marshmallows at midnight

Friday...
- Morning prayer on the beach... PEACE!
- Challenge: Fort-building in the sand bay ... until it rain started bucketing down.
- Standing in front of the tent for about 10minutes, drenched, trying to figure out what to do.
- The goanna trying to steal our bowls of spaghetti.
- Cockatoos biting its tail...
- Session 4: STAND STRONG!

"[Faith] is like a mustard seed that, when it is sown in the ground, is the smallest of seeds on the earth. But once it is sown, it springs up and becomes the largest of plants, and puts forth large branches, so that the birds of the sky can dwell in its shade."

- Swimming away from shore... beautiful sun, beautiful SUMMER... beautiful company

HUNGRY

This entry's a bit random. It's Tuesday arvo and the weather this week is drastic, yet I'm still planning to go camping at Bonnie Vale. Yikes... and I've never had to sleep in a tent before, and I'm seriously NOT as tough as people think I am!!

Meanwhile, I've been listening to "Relient K" and they seriously crack me up - yet they are a witty and clever band, so they're on my Fave List right now. I've been singing "Gibberish" coz it just sums up ME and what I'm thinking...

So... this morning I cut up Hershey's kisses and made choc-chip pancakes and had them with mangoes... yum yum...

And now I'm hungry.
Yikes

femz

Celebrating Femininity

Wow... I just had the girliest week I've ever had in my life. a good 6 days/nights consisted of shopping, boy-talk, nail-painting, talking about inadequate body parts, playing charades, cards, asking (embarrassingly) personal questions, teasing those in love, poking fun at those in "like" and making stupid jokes about crushes, body odour and being humiliated in public.
I love my YFC sisters. You women are my inspiration, my reminder to celebrate the beauty and love that God has shown me in abundance, and a reminder to KISS [keep it simple, stupid]...
Thanks for one of the best weeks of my life.

"You make my feel like a natural woman..."

Reality Check

"My grace is sufficient for you. My power is made perfect in weakness."

[2 Corinthians 12:9]

Dear Lord... I pray for my dreams and goals for this year. Help me never to give up - to have the courage to say "no" to quitting. May I experience your justice, your mercy and your grace so it may lead to peace.

Take my liberty and my pride. Take my heart and my life and do with it what you will. Take my desires, my dreams, my goals, my hopes, and especially my weaknesses... and help me to bring glory to Your name.

Especially Lord... take my heart. You are calling me...

To those who read this... make me accountable to this prayer. =)

He makes no scents**

Confession: She developing a bad case of insanity. [Otherwise known as crush syndrome.]

She's standing at Wynyard Stn today waiting for a train to take her home. When it comes thundering through the tunnel her body groans - not just from it's lack of sleep this week, but because this fast-approaching rail vehicle lacks one essential thing: AIR CONDITIONING.

And so she steps onboard, thinking her 1.5hr train ride home is going to kill her... and then all of a sudden [wait for it!] ...

..... her nose gets a wiff of someone with "his" scent. [In other words some other guy in the carriage bought Lynx deoderant that week]

Hahahaha... and I'm laughing at her because she pulls this sudden face of relief, as if the 40degree heat means nothing anymore, because something tiny - like someone else's scent reminds her of him. And she's happy for the rest of the day.

What an idiot.

what we can't see

Doubt sees the obstacles ... Faith sees the way.

Doubt sees the darkest night ... Faith sees the day.

Doubt dreads to take a step ... Faith soars on high.

Doubt questions 'who believes?' ... Faith answers, 'I.'

[Author Unknown]

nostalgic insomnia

There was something quite unique about that sunrise.
Granted, I hadn't had any sleep that night. What with the archery at 9am that morning, with the high ropes course to follow... a half-eaten lunch and then heat-rash after the canoeing experience where me and Cassie's boat capsized when our plan to drown Dom backfired... and even after all that excitement, I still had time to get my hair dyed, watch the youth in fits of laughter or staring in awe during the brilliant display of talent during the variety night, and stay up for late-night games and "de-briefing" with the staff.

Me & Dom were in the common room for about 2 hours and all of sudden it was 4:30am and we heard determined teens rummaging through their blankets in their distressed attempt to press "snooze"... but by 5am they'd stumbled out of bed and walked up that confounded hill with combined determination to watch a brilliant sunrise.

And it really was quite brilliant... despite Phil & Jan's description of the previous day's artistic heavenly display. We spent about an hour watching grey clouds wander by, making pictures and finding friends.. I was warped and worn out to the bone, but I think that was a precious moment, sitting on the wooden table with Dom, Phil, Bec, Jan, Charmaine, Karen, Tony, Raf and Chris.

I remember for a moment this morning I closed my eyes and just listened to these young people chatting away to each other in the early hours of the day... and I opened my eyes and suddenly I say rays break through the clouds, and suddenly I was witnessing one of life's greatest lessons...

Everyday God will give us something priceless and unexplainable...

Everyday it will be up to us to put in the effort to find it.

There will be days

[like when the kids were getting out of bed],

we'll want to postpone the search, or we'll find an excuse and say we can't be bothered...

There will be days

[like when we walked up the hill]

we have to trek a difficult distance to get where we need to go so we can dig up the treasure...

There will be days

[like when we realised it was cloudy]

that the priceless treasure we yearn to hold will be hidden or concealed... and it will be up to us to see the beauty in having to look for the treasure... or perhaps in looking we'll discover a unintended treasure..

There will be days

[like when some people left because they thought it wasn't worth it]

that we miss out because of impatience

BUT

There will be times

[like this morning!]

When we are there to witness something breath-taking and unrepeatable, and we made the effort, trekked the distance, saw the value and waited patiently...

And the day's gift will unfold in all it's majesty.

new year rear-view

15th November

When I need to find peace I try to find a tranquil place that is separated from the rest of the world. Today the sky is a brilliant blue, fading into a white horizon. Traces of fluff are scattered across God's glorious, eternal canvas. No rain today. No bursts of lightning, no claps of thunder. Just a murmer of the city below me.. cars streaming over the bitumen, and the Spring breeze soaring between the leaves. The sunlight is trickling it's warmth past the branches onto my legs and toes.

I love how the trees bend to the wind flying past.
I love how the birds laugh and chatter.
I love that the busy-ness of life is reduced to a dull roar on the streets beneath me.

I'm sitting right behind the house that we snuck into.

I wish I was the person who would own that house... because this would be the church lawn I'm sitting on, the grey tiles that are in front of me would be the roof on which my kids perch on a Summer night, the paved street below would be where they ride their bikes and this amazing view of my city would be what they grew up seeing.

I can only hope... that they don't finish building this house any time soon...

The dry green grass is prickling my calves.

I'm intrigued at what sunset would look like from this perch.

Since I discovered this place in 2000, I've introduced the view to someone new each year.
There is only one other person I can think of wanting to bring here... but something tells me he just wouldn't appreciate the view. No wait... he would - but he wouldn't see what I'm seeing...

Thousands of lives, homes, memories, feelings and souls are frantically rushing by beneath me. But I am here, on top of this hill, under this beautiful tree (whose leaves look like spades on a deck of cards) and I'm thinking...

this is what peace is...

cleaning out trash

I have an alien that lives in my laundry basket. I introduced it to a boy super hero who can run so fast he can run across water. His name is "Dash" and the alien's name is "Fusion."
I also have a donkey, a tiger and a rabbit that live on my bed.

Today we are cleaning out the garage, which has accumulated over a decade's worth of junk, even though we've only lived in this house for eight years. (Only my family could figure out how to achieve that!)

But I guess it's a good thing that we have so much stuff that we don't have anywhere to put it. Even if most of the stuff is broken, rotting or has managed to become the living quarters of rare species of insects.

My Mum is hilarious - she's got a sentimental attachment to a eleven-year-old duster. I was about to throw it away, but she won't part with it. And we just went through about seventy pairs of shoes... felt more like A HUNDRED and seventy - and I wouldn't be surprised if we do have that many hiding in the corners of the garage.

I made friends with a few spiders who were mourning over the bugs who's graves we've demolished during our cleaning spree. We are no-where near finishing, but it's a wonderful adventure going through old junk. You find a lifetime of stories, dust, memories and heirlooms - like my sister's first pair of platform shoes, a pair of hand-crafted slides and pink vintage heels that belong[ed] to my Mum.

Then of course there's the truck-load of boxes that never contain what the lable says. And the old stuffed toys, the old mattress, old clothes... old EVERYTHING. Hahahaha... I could write an encyclopedia set with what we've got in there.

Good times... good times!

late night navigation

I was told to make major decisions in a cemetery...

I figure we get caught up with problems because we think that they're going to have catastrophic repercussions, and that there is a chance that the world might fall apart if (God forbid) we push the wrong button, we let go of the wrong person, we say yes to right person, buy the wrong house, accept the wrong job... blargh blargh blargh..

And then I'm in the car driving down the M4 today and I realise that it really is too easy for God to fix up whatever it is we might have stuffed up.

I mean... he can't control our decisions. And it's true that we make bad ones sometimes. But I truly believe that He's watching over us, just wanting the best for us. So do we think He would leave us for dead? I guess the point is, God wouldn't...

So about that quote on top of this entry... making major decisions in a cemetery... I didn't always agree with that piece of advice, but today it sits well with my conscience and feeling, because in the presence of those who've passed away, we are aware that we too will one day do the same. And we may spend too much time worrying, regretting, hurting, pondering, wishing and wanting - when really, God entrusted us with a life that he'd like us to be LIVING.

Those who spend too much time looking in the rear-view mirror end up in a car accident. No matter how smooth, rough, pot-holed or forked our roads may be - to travel safely, we not only have to be paying attention to the direction in which we're going, but also be humble enough to slide to the passenger seat and let Jesus take hold of the wheel.

Who else would have better idea of the best routes to take?

I figure during this Christmas season... it's not so much the gifts we wrap or the cards we write - but the way we acknowledge that a little baby was born, so we might enjoy the life he died to save.

Peace on Earth... =)

with affection

What an awful day to go to the beach - rain rain and more rain. But I will say - the trip was well worth it.

But... anything is worth going through, if you end up realising that you have the best friends in the world... Y

I mean... if you can stay up for a late dinner of Asian take-out with a couple and not feel uncomfortable or that three's a crowd; you've got awesome friends.

If you call someone up because some weirdo is into your sister, and they come running to suss him out and protect her; you've got awesome friends.

If they pull over to help you unpack a drumkit - even when they have a hell of a long drive ahead of them; you've got awesome friends.

If they call you just before they leave for overseas and trust you to bank their cheques; you've got awesome friends.

If they walk into all the chic stores during a day of Christmas shopping; you've got awesome friends.

If they use up half their tank of petrol driving around on a Sunday night just to fulfill your desire to see a decent set of Christmas lights; you've got awesome friends.

If they come over on a Friday night and spend about almost two hours fixing your tech problems; you've got awesome friends.

If they laugh at your jokes that are sooo lame; you've got awesome friends.

If they make fools of themselves in front of a video camera; relive their favourite moments and reinact the funniest gestures just to sustain the memories; you've got awesome friends.

If your phone bill is well over the monthly plan because you forget to hang up at the end of free-time; you've got awesome friends.

If you find things to buy them - even when it's not Christmas or their birthday; you've got awesome friends.

If you find yourself praying for their dreams, and you realise they know all of yours; you have awesome friends.

Thank you God... for bringing in Your Son to show us what love is...

So we might know this feeling... so beautiful, so warm... and worth every bit of pain or confusion that gets us to where we are today.

Thank you God for your angels that dwell in my thoughts, are in my prayers and bunk in my heart. ;0)