I think I need some chocolate or something... which reminds me - I have a whole bunch of Cadbury Caramello Koalas hiding under my bed.
What a day! Jonna's phone call woke me up this morning/afternoon but I fell asleep almost immediately after we hung up and didn't get out of bed properly until about 4:30pm.
Right now, I've got the biggest headache. But I'm on MSN chatting to 6 different people... about 6 different things... and I should be starting on my assignment. But instead I'm listening to Avril's first album and lying belly down in front of this screen.
It's been one hectic week. I believe the head-ache has a lot to do with the amount of tears that have exploded from my eye balls. Rina said to slow down, or I'll crash. It's not that I don't believe her - I just don't know how to (kinda like Jane driving the Bautista's blue car... hahaha... peace!)
I have learnt a lot in the past few days though. For one, the Youth Expo was fantastic. I mean that with all my heart and soul... and all the energy that I put into it, along with the energy that everyone else put into it too. The thank yous are endless... and the biggest should go to Fr Warren, who, in my eyes (and I'm sure, in many others) is an absolute legend. I think I'm very blessed to know a priest like him - someone so friendly, and passionate about bringing youth closer to the church, and more especially, closer to God.
I was deeply moved on Friday night. God just has an ability to let things float into place... even after our mistakes, our negativity, our hurts, and our fears. I spent ages talking during reconciliation, and after it, felt so fresh, and didn't want to leave the hall. Something about being in front of God made me feel completely peaceful... and it was like I was exactly where I was meant to be. It felt like if I could sit there for the rest of my life, I would be doing precisely what God wanted me to ... being in His presence.
And so that started the excitement rolling in my heart. I knew that I was unprepared, nervous, tired (and every other feeling under the sun)... but I also knew that God would provide... that God was in charge... that it was God at work and that it was God who did the inspiring, and no one else.
I think that's this experience's biggest lesson...
Yesterday's retreat for Yr 10 was testimony to that. I woke up on Monday morning and almost forgot that I had a camp to lead... and Satan didn't make it any easier either. Not only were people physically exhausted, but people were sick, spiritually drained, unsure, unexperienced... late. Hahaha... think of every small attack that you can experience before and during a camp, and I think that we copped it full blow.
The team fought. People cried. The students were cynical. The teachers were indifferent. We hardly got any sleep. We were always running out of time. Our resources were limited.
But you know what? I wouldn't have changed a thing. Not one. Not even my smelly shoes. ;0) Why? Because everything was still GREAT. The speakers were dynamic. Their words were inspiring. People questioned us, but God answered. The band shared their talents. The singers were strong. The team stayed convicted. We learnt from each other. We had visitors that encouraged us, and brought us what we needed. All the skits turned out great. God answered our prayers.
After standing in front of one of the toughest crowds I've ever had to speak to... and having nothing to offer them except what I believed God would give... and then seeing God touch them - even if it was just a handful - I know it's worth it. All those late nights. All the time, the humiliation, the hurts, the disappointments, the skills, the money, the talent, the secrets... all the things shared and lifted up were worth every bit because the few that experienced God will walk away with something priceless.
And I know that's why I do everything that I do. I will take the risks. I will make those decisions. I will give up all that I already know I have... because I love God. I love God more than I love being secure. I love God more than I love my family, and my friends, and my plans, and my dreams... because God is the only one who can turn my mistakes, and their mistakes, and my hurts, and their pains.. into something glorious, beautiful... and eternal. God turns hate into love. God turns stress into peace. God turns my life upside-down and side-ways, and I love Him for it.
Life would be meaningless without moments like this.
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